to have not enjoyed this family holiday? am i completely selfish and just an AWFUL parent?

[dirtyface]

went away last week with dh and our 2 dcs aged 4 and 7

its the first time we have been away as a whole family (for various reasons) and i was really looking forward to it. but mostly it was hard work and pretty shit.

the kids are usually pretty good at home. but on holiday, they played up, fought, acted spoilt, constantly demanded things, moaned that things were "boring" , pissed about at bedtime till all hours as they were so excited, woke us up early every morning, we barely got 2 minutes together. and managed one shag the whole time so i was grumpy and irritable, as was DH. and we absolutely haemorraged money on god knows what so both of us were a bit stressed cos of that.

and most things we did were pretty boring for us as they were child focused. so i was EXHAUSTED and miserable by the time we got home and had never been so glad to be home from a holiday in all my life

is this what its like? i bet we spent two grand all in (that includes paying for the actual holiday itself). and for what?

the kids had a good time at least i might add!

sorry if i sound a massive ungrateful so and so - am prepared to be told i am

[sweetestcup]

Of course you are not selfish and an awful parent! But maybe Im really odd as I dont find family holiday stressful or awful at all, in fact the complete opposite, I love them. My kids are 20, 11 and 5, the eldest last came when he was 16. We have been driving to France from Glasgow every year now since the youngest was born, we hire a cottage in the middle of no-where with its own pool and we love it. Before that we have enjoyed many many beach type package holidays with the other 2, which were fine but I much prefer France!

I dont mind cooking on holiday in the slightest as we get to sit outside in glorious sunshine looking at the scenery whilst eating dinner and drinking lots of wine, lunch tends to be picnics etc. We drive about to local towns and shops and plan a few identified trips to things the boys would like. Other than that its just relaxing at the cottage. It probably helps though I have a very hands-on DH who happily plays stupid games with them for hours, leaving me time to relax and enjoy my book and more wine.

This year we are different, like chops we are touring California and staying in hotels, looking forward to it big time of course as its our "dream" holiday, but slightly apprehensive about staying in so many hotels and eating out so much as we are not used to it. But we will try and make it relaxing in amongst all the sightseeing! DS2 whos 11 has already planned lots of stuff he has looked up he wants to see e.g. The Golden Gate Bridge, DS3 cant get his head around we wil be sharing pools and keeps thinking we will be taking all the inflatables for the pool we normally take!

No great tips apart from going at a slower pace than home and not worrying about routines etc.

[Hullygully]

Maybe it depends on your idea of a holiday

I don't like sitting by a pool or on a beach for more than half an hour, I like to be seeing and doing. Maybe that's why I enjoy family holidays more. If anything it's me and dh dragging them about to do stuff.

[thebody]

Of course you don't need wet suits in the uk.

Get a massive fucking grip here. I have 4 and we never needed them, the sea is cold so bloody what just get in and swim/ splash/ play ball.

In a beach in Britain, you need cricket set, nets, rock pools, buckets and spades.

Did sea defences and wait till the rude comes in and try to shore up the defence. Sand castle competitions, bat and ball.

Go to nearby pub for lunch or pack huge picnic.

Kids will be begging for bed by 8 and crack open the wine.

Who wants a boring couples holiday when you can relive your own childhood through your kids.????

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Sightseeing is not boring for children, not if you think about how to involve them.

Hotels are a PITA with smalls - really, in what way? What's not to like? You just have to turn up for meals, no prep or clearing up. When you get back from breakfast someone has tidied up and cleaned the bathroom.

We took our two - 2 and 4 - away for a long weekend earlier in the year. We spent 3 days traipsing round castles, we stayed in a Premier Inn. The kids had a great time, and it has really fuelled their imaginations. DH and I enjoyed not having to cook, as well as the places we visited.

If you want to go and sit on a beach and pretend you haven't got children, then of course you are going to have a shit time.

[Hullygully]

[CinnamonAddict]

I only ever had one really crappy holiday and that was when dc1&2 were 1 and 3, I took them on my own to the seaside for a week and on the second night they both came down with a d&v bug. On day four we drove home.

We have been to Greece with a 1 and 3 yo (driving down there in our own car, believe it or not), it was a a fantastic holiday, we stopped on the way in Vienna, on the way back in Germany. We are hoping to go again next year.

I don't get why a holiday with a 4 and 7yo has to be hellish. Why any holiday has to be hellish. Not every single day of it.
With toddlers I see the problem of routines being changed and unfamiliar places etc. But at your dc's age we were going abroad and doing camping, hotels, self-catering and they loved it.

Look at your expectations, but I'd say a stroll down the beach in a bikini with a 4 and 7yo should not be a problem.

[Hullygully]

yy, kids LOVE hotels, they can run all over them and go up and down in the lift while you eat dinner and pretend you don't know whose kids they are.

[Pootles2010]

Oh we went on our first last month, blimmin loved it! To be fair, we only have one, but he's 2 so still quite hard work. We went with Eurocamp, so lots to do - we had a little (fake, so quite safe) beach just outside the tent, which kept him happy for hours, and me too tbh!

They had a nice pool, and activities like learn to ride a bike, learn to swim, so he was happy, and so were we! Although tbf we got evenings to relax, as he was so knackered he was out like a light every evening, so we sat out on our little terrace drinking wine - bliss.

[Kat101]

I am deeply in awe of any parent that can make a success of a premier inn stay with young children. Our 1 year old was so excited by somewhere different that he didn't collapse asleep in his cot til 9.30pm and then was up at 5am. Thus waking the older kids up. Then we had to try and keep them going all in the hotel room box til breakfast started. We were out by 8am each morning. It was exhaustion hell.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Hully I don't know what you mean. Mine are always in a neat little line behind me.



Seriously though this thread is a bit depressing. My parents loved taking us on holiday when we were young, and we had some really fabulous times.
I'll accept that not being on a shoestring so that you can spend a bit of money to grease the wheels helps, but it isn't the be all and end all.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Kat101 - ours were so excited they didn't go to sleep until 11pm. Cbeebies on waking, a bit of iPad and drawing while we all got dressed. Breakfast. Back to the room, teeth and pack the bags and out. They both slept in the car on the way to and from wherever we were going that day, so they were fine for dinner at 7pm.

We took activity books to keep them amused between courses at dinner.

You can't have the same timings and routine that you would at home, it doesn't work. We go away pretty regularly to stay with family and friends so ours are used to being away from home.

[SoupDragon]

My parents loved taking us on holiday when we were young, and we had some really fabulous times

Are you sure though? Having become a mother myself, I do wonder what my mum really thought of our self catering holidays in Cornwall. In my mind they were fabulous and we all had a wonderful time but I do now wonder. If they had had the chance to complain somewhere "safe" like mumsnet, would they have said the same things as we do? Or, have we become more self centred as a generation and are less able to, I don't know, put our own needs aside somewhat?

I do enjoy taking my children on holiday but I think the enjoyment mostly comes from watching them have a good time than any real kind of holiday on my part. As I said earlier, it's getting better as they get older and are more independent.

[thestringcheesemassacre]

Take them somewhere with a pool. Last year on our hols the kids were in the pool from 9-1 3-6 every day. They loved it. We like a hot holiday though and not loads of sightseeing. This will probably change as they get older.

[JackieTheFart]

This makes me feel better that we aren't going on holiday and haven't had a holiday since 2009!

At least when we visit my parents, DH and I can have at least one night out alone and we have babysitters on tap!

[massistar]

I find this thread really sad, what a lot of old misery guts :-(

I absolutely love our family holidays. No stresses of getting up for work or school. No rushing around trying to do all the day to day stuff.

We've done beach/pool fortnights and love the rhythm of late nights, late mornings, dozing at siesta time, icecreams, eating out etc. Ok, so I don't take 5 books with me any more and am lucky to get through one but hey ho.

We've done long weekends to cities like Rome with them and go skiing with them and they cope with it all amazingly and love eating out at restaurants and experiencing new things.

Stop being resentful that it isn't like it was pre-kids and enjoy what it's like now!

[cory]

Hullygully Wed 10-Jul-13 12:19:54

"I don't think kids mind what they do as long as you make it fun."

THIS!!!

Some of my best holiday memories from my own childhood include:

visiting Dr Johnson's room- I wasn't very well up on Dr Johnson as an 8yo but my mother who was a big fan managed to convey a sense of occasion

buying a postcard in a foreign language! (at Winchester Great Hall)

checking out the marzipan displays in the shop windows of Lubeck (couldn't really afford to buy anything)

seeing lemon trees for the first time

travelling on a train where people were cooking in the corridor and somebody brought on a live sheep

walking along Hadrian's wall in the pouring rain

my first taste of water melon on a balcony in Greece

[wonderingsoul]

i went away with a friend and her two kids on out first proper hoilday.

it was stressfull, fun but alot of hard work.

i said this to my dad and his reply was

" its not a holiday for you, its for the kids"

which is true, you will never have a stress free hoilday when you have youn children, they will be excited, over stimulated. want to do every thing right and they want to do it now. its what kids do.


i found if i went in knowing this and not expecting it to be chilled i had a much better time, lower your expectations and look forward to booking a hoilday just for adult when they reach 16

[Hullygully]

The other advantage of holidaying with kids is that you can do stuff and go places that you can't as just adults without people looking at you funny...

[Hullygully]

cory - we took the kids to see all of Ludwig's castles and follies in Bavaria. We stayed on a farm so they could hang with animals and took them to all the castles, imagine the excitement at going to the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang castle. I don't think we ever told them the real name.

[Hullygully]

And we did the Ludwig thing because I had a temporary obsession with him, so we did what I wanted but made it fun for them.

win win

[DontmindifIdo]

I do think the problem is you seemed to have an idea of what an adult holiday to the beach in England would be like, rather than planned a child holiday.

We have done beach in UK (self catering, same work as at home so stop expecting it not to be), DS loved it, although he didn't freak out at being sandy or wet, so perhaps it was that your DCs are suited to a beach holiday.

We've also done hotel holiday overseas, that I planned DS to be in a kids club, planned a DC friendly hotel. I'm happy to sit by a pool with a pile of books every morning while DS was in kids club, and send DH off to ride bikes up hills (he's odd and has too much energy). We'd all have lunch together and then DS and DH would spend each afternoon playing in the sea while I waved now and then from the beach. Then all go back up to the hotel room, shower, change, go for dinner, then settle DS down and then crack open a bottle of wine on the balcony. If you don't like that sort of holiday, then that's not for you either (kids clubs tend to insist on you being on the resort while the DCs are in there, so even though it was half day 'child free' holiday, we still couldn't do adult sight seeing holiday unless we took DS with us, and I assumed he'd whinge so didn't bother with that).

If you have a £2k budget, I'd suggest you go somewhere hot with a kids club and all inclusive next year, at least you'll know in advance your outlay and can just relax for a week.

[wonderingsoul]

hully gully- you are so right.

having children gives you free range to go on soft play areas.. bouncy castle.. have your face painted. with out people point and wispering about you.

[cory]

I think there is probably a split on this thread between the people who feel a holiday is a break in the sense of adventure/doing something different/new challenges and the people who feel a holiday is sitting down and being left in peace.

My parents were definitely the type who needed adventure to recharge their batteries: in fact, they still do, in their eighties (went inter-railing all over Europe last year at the age of 81). I am more or less the same type myself.

I am actually going to have a stay-at-home-and-do-nothing holiday this summer, but this is because I am not well and have been very run down; it's definitely not what I would have chosen to perk me up if my insides weren't falling out For me, sitting undisturbed in a deck chair for a week is not really a healthy or happy thing to do.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

Maybe that is why some people call it "holly-bobs" or something equally stupid, because they are not actually holidays....

[Kat101]

Massistar it probably depends on your kids too. My toddler has a huge rage if we're not out and about by 8. It is just not possible to have a lazy morning when your 1yo is screaming and you know your disturbing the next door apartment/ room.