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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get my cat put to sleep?

64 replies

BionicEmu · 09/07/2013 14:43

I am so torn over this, so would appreciate some brutally honest replies.

We have 3 cats & a dog, all of which we've taken in when they were in need of a home.

I'm really struggling with one of the cats though. We've had him 15 years now, no idea how old he is but he was a fully-grown adult when we got him.

He pees all over the place. It started a few years ago when he'd very occasionally pee somewhere other than his litter tray. Over the past few years it's snowballed, and now he is peeing elsewhere several times a day. Commonly in the dining room, but also in front of the front door, in the hallway and in the living room. Even on DD's baby play gym & on DC's toys sometimes. He's missing a back leg so it's not just a puddle, he drags his tail & remaining leg through it, smearing it behind him as he walks.

I have spinal problems and a couple of weeks ago slipped on a puddle in the kitchen that I hadn't noticed and fell, hard. Was in immense pain & immobile for a week. 2.5 year old DS has also occasionally slipped in it when I haven't cleaned it up properly, resulting in hysterics - fair enough. DD is 5 months old & will be crawling soon.

I just can't cope with him any more. The children & I slipping in it is dangerous. I don't invite anybody to the house because I know it stinks. I clean it up as soon as I see it, but it's just too much & too often. I've been struggling with PND since DD, & was admitted to hospital for a while too.

Over the years I've tried everything that I can think of/that I've heard of/that I've been told and nothing's helped.

So took him to vet out of desperation & she thinks the only option is to put him to sleep. Health-wise he is in brilliant health for his age though. He's slowed down a bit, but then I think everything physical is more difficult for him due to the missing back leg. He doesn't run about like he used to, I think he's starting to get a bit stiff, but he's always been a lap cat anyway.

I just don't know what to do. Part of me thinks that yes, I need to put him to sleep, the peeing situation is unacceptable now. But the other part of me thinks that I'm being incredibly selfish - he's a healthy cat, and part of the family.

Sorry for the length of this, thought I should probably add some detail so people can appreciate the situation fully. I need some honest opinions, please.

OP posts:

Whogivesashit · 09/07/2013 14:47

15 is a good age for a cat. I agree the peeing all the time is unacceptable and stressful. I would put him to sleep. He's had a great life.

TylerHopkins · 09/07/2013 14:49

If he's in good health then it may be a stress issue.

Personally, I wouldn't put him to sleep if he's in good health, I'd contact the Cats Protection and ask them to take him.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/07/2013 14:51

Can you not investigate the peeing? Could he be going blind do can't see tray? Could he have a urine infection?

curlew · 09/07/2013 14:53

Incredibly sad- but yes, I think you should.

He will never be rehomed- and cats are naturally clean animals, so it can't be good for him either.

It really is the kindest thing for everyone.

gordyslovesheep · 09/07/2013 14:56

He may be stressed ...you had a baby five months ago which may be the cause

Try feliway or regime.him

patienceisvirtuous · 09/07/2013 14:58

Have you tried feliway?

Original poster

BionicEmu · 09/07/2013 14:58

No urine infection, eyesight fine. Tried Feliway & Zylkene for stress, made no difference. Vet not convinced it's stress-related as it gradually got worse & worse, & started randomly when I can't think of anything that could have been stressful.

Cat's Protection said their waiting list is approx. 12 months at the moment, but the chance of him getting rehomed is slim to none. I also sort of think it would be unfair on him to take him to rehoming centre - he's been with us that long.

OP posts:

nemno · 09/07/2013 15:00

YANBU It's sad but it sounds like it is time.

TylerHopkins · 09/07/2013 15:01

They are clean animals and when they pee outside the litter tray it's either a health issue (but this has already been ruled out) or it's something else, usually a change in the environment including new pets being brought into the house.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 09/07/2013 15:02

I love cats, and am usually very anti having cats put down unless they are suffering. But this situation can not continue. If you have tried everything, then I would go with the vets suggestion. If you try and rehome him, he's going to end up in a cat pen at a rehoming centre for the remainder of his life, possibly.

It's hard, but you can't have a crawling baby and puddles of cat piss everywhere.

pingulingo · 09/07/2013 15:05

Dementia maybe? That's what my cat had and we eventually had to put to sleep. Although he was doing odd things along with the weeing.

How long have you had the other cats and dog? Could it related to that? I had another cat who wouldn't wee where the other cats went, all got a bit territorial.

yoshipoppet · 09/07/2013 15:07

It may be that the peeing is a sign that something else is amiss inside your cat that the vet hasn't detected yet. It certainly sounds like a health issue rather than a mental problem.
If I were you OP I would also be considering PTS. You have tried loads of things, it's not juts a whim and I rather suspect that your cat isn't terribly happy about peeing everywhere.

momnipotent · 09/07/2013 15:08

When our cat stopped using the litter box it was to tell us that she didn't feel well, turns out she was hyperthyroid. We battled the hyperthyroidism for 4 years, she was irradiated twice for it but it kept coming back. In all that time she did not use the litter box reliably. I thnk once she got out of the habit when she was sick the first time we couldn't get her back into the habit. We could not walk around our house without any lights on. She was a good cat and I'm sure she did not enjoy messing the house, but she was sick and not herself. We had her PTS. :(

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/07/2013 15:10

You can buy nappies for cats. True story.

They've got cut outs for the tail.

woozlebear · 09/07/2013 15:14

Is it spraying or normal peeing? Is he neutered? Is he an outdoor cat?

I would think it's likely to be stress, I really would, if a urine infection has been ruled out. It sounds like exactly the sort of behaviour cats exhibit when they're upset by young children. The fact it got worse and worse could surely be attributed to him getting more and more stressed / the cause of the stress getting more and more pronounced? And the fact that it started 'randomly' is your peception of what's stressful, which is quite likely different from his.

Personally I couldn't put a healthy cat to sleep for behavioural issues. I agree it sounds grim but it's kind of the deal you sign up to when getting animals. There's always a risk it could get difficult.

curlew · 09/07/2013 15:23

"Personally I couldn't put a healthy cat to sleep for behavioural issues. I agree it sounds grim but it's kind of the deal you sign up to when getting animals. There's always a risk it could get difficult."

There's difficult- and there's babies crawling through cat pee and a house that smells so bad you can't have people over.

KellyElly · 09/07/2013 15:24

I would usually come on these threads and flame the OP for asking this question as am a massive animal lover but sadly in the situation you have described I think it's the right thing to do.

Original poster

BionicEmu · 09/07/2013 15:31

I'm not sure if he's spraying or just doing a normal pee. Due to the missing leg I'm not sure he could lift his bum up to spray, if that makes sense? He just picks a bit of floor, hovers and pees.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure when it started. DH pointed out he used to do it occasionally in a house we moved out of 7 years ago. Then he'd just do the odd pee elsewhere every few months, if that. Thinking of time scales, he got bad (as in almost every day) before we had DC, we changed the dining room carpet to vinyl while I was pregnant with DC1. It just very gradually got worse & worse.

I accept that there could be a million things that have stressed him out. Other cats have come & gone in the time we've had him. If we assume it is stress, then I don't know how to sort it.

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 09/07/2013 15:35

In your place - yes, I would. With enormous regret, but yes.

Original poster

BionicEmu · 09/07/2013 15:35

That is what's making this so difficult - he's our cat, we took him in, he's a very loved part of our family. It seems awful to basically say "right, I've had enough of you, off you go!" He's our responsibility basically. I can't think of how to articulate what I mean to be honest.

OP posts:

skittycat · 09/07/2013 15:37

It sounds to me like something distressed the cat a few years back - whether its the birth of a child or whatever, and unfortunately the situation hasn't been addressed efficiently since... If it did coincide with the arrival of a new child then it may have unsettled the cat.

If I were you I would contact Cats Protection for advice (I know you've said you contacted about getting him rehomed, but they may be able to offer some sort of advice on how to make the cat feel more settled).

However, I will be honest and state that I think that a few years down the lane is too late to address it. It should have been sorted or attempted to be sorted when the initial behaviour was displayed and in the event that it was a change in environment (new baby or whatever) then the cat should have been rehomed before the behaviour issues escalated.

(And I dont mean this to sound harsh by the way)

I will state though that im only guessing it may be environment changes stressing him out due to the fact you said the behaviour started a few years back and that you also have a 2.5 year old.

Regarding what to do now, only you can know whether it feels right to have the cat put to sleep... i would certainly recommend trying to have him rehomed if you don't.

Turniphead1 · 09/07/2013 15:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

woozlebear · 09/07/2013 15:38

"and there's babies crawling through cat pee and a house that smells so bad you can't have people over"

My thinking was there'll be ways of mitigating some of this, surely? The cat could be at least partially restricted to the most easily washable parts of the house, certainly on days when guests are due? And with the help of doors and child/pet gates surely the scope for the cat to mess where the children crawl could be reduced?

Like I said, it sounds horrible. I'm just saying I don't think I could do it, but there's plenty of people who would say my animal-related priorities are already skewed!

theDudesmummy · 09/07/2013 15:42

Our cat is 17 and both pees and poos in the house if she stays in the house at night. She is otherwise fine and I cant bring myself to think of putting her down. We have tried behavioural technques, Feliway, all sorts of things, but nothing helped. We have a toddler and clearly the situation could not go on. What my DH did build a box that fits on the inside of her cat flap, quite roomy and she has sheepskins in there, also a cat electric blanket when it is cold. She also has dry food in there, and has a water bowl outside. She gets put in there last thing at night and let out in the morning. It is working very well.

theDudesmummy · 09/07/2013 15:43

PS the box is made of fibreglass and is fully washable, which is sometimes necessary!

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