to get my cat put to sleep?

[BionicEmu]

I am so torn over this, so would appreciate some brutally honest replies.

We have 3 cats & a dog, all of which we've taken in when they were in need of a home.

I'm really struggling with one of the cats though. We've had him 15 years now, no idea how old he is but he was a fully-grown adult when we got him.

He pees all over the place. It started a few years ago when he'd very occasionally pee somewhere other than his litter tray. Over the past few years it's snowballed, and now he is peeing elsewhere several times a day. Commonly in the dining room, but also in front of the front door, in the hallway and in the living room. Even on DD's baby play gym & on DC's toys sometimes. He's missing a back leg so it's not just a puddle, he drags his tail & remaining leg through it, smearing it behind him as he walks.

I have spinal problems and a couple of weeks ago slipped on a puddle in the kitchen that I hadn't noticed and fell, hard. Was in immense pain & immobile for a week. 2.5 year old DS has also occasionally slipped in it when I haven't cleaned it up properly, resulting in hysterics - fair enough. DD is 5 months old & will be crawling soon.

I just can't cope with him any more. The children & I slipping in it is dangerous. I don't invite anybody to the house because I know it stinks. I clean it up as soon as I see it, but it's just too much & too often. I've been struggling with PND since DD, & was admitted to hospital for a while too.

Over the years I've tried everything that I can think of/that I've heard of/that I've been told and nothing's helped.

So took him to vet out of desperation & she thinks the only option is to put him to sleep. Health-wise he is in brilliant health for his age though. He's slowed down a bit, but then I think everything physical is more difficult for him due to the missing back leg. He doesn't run about like he used to, I think he's starting to get a bit stiff, but he's always been a lap cat anyway.

I just don't know what to do. Part of me thinks that yes, I need to put him to sleep, the peeing situation is unacceptable now. But the other part of me thinks that I'm being incredibly selfish - he's a healthy cat, and part of the family.

Sorry for the length of this, thought I should probably add some detail so people can appreciate the situation fully. I need some honest opinions, please.

The first few times he did it I think we just thought "ok, that's a bit odd", cleaned it up & didn't think any more of it. When we realised it was actually a problem we started trying things to tackle it.

The only place we can shut him in is the kitchen (it's quite a big kitchen.) I've done that in the past, but it's not a viable long-term solution. He's a proper lap-cat, & I don't think it's fair to shut him away. Basically, if I shut him away from where the DCs are, it means I'm shutting him away from all of us, as if course, I'll be with the DC.

Perhaps Celia Hammond could advise. I know one of their staff/volunteers is a regular on here.

If you can afford it you could have a pen built for him in your garden, so you could ensure he's comfortable and spend time with him daily. Cats Protection could help you organise that.

Otherwise, accept that you've given him a wonderful life and it's time to end it. I've had to make that decision before, I know how hard it is. I'm sure that whatever you do is the right decision.

Sorry, should have said, he's an indoor cat, always has been.

The cat could be at least partially restricted to the most easily washable parts of the house, certainly on days when guests are due? And with the help of doors and child/pet gates surely the scope for the cat to mess where the children crawl could be reduced?

That might help with the crawling/slipping, but it wouldn't help with the smell. Cat wee on carpet will continue to smell for months and months. It's incredibly pungent and resistant to cleaning.

Oh, our solution would not work with an indoor cat then! Sorry, it sounds very difficult.

To be honest, I think it sounds like the only realistic option :( He is a grand age for a cat and it is not a good sign if he is peeing everywhere. Sometimes, a cat can be trained out of weeing if, for example, they are marking their territory. A cat of your cat's age probably can't be trained out of it.

In short, he is not able to be the dignified, clean cat he used to be and it would be better to put him to sleep peacefully rather than letting the situation get worse.

It is very upsetting to have pets weeing and pooing in the house - I have just cleaned up a poo done by my young rescue dog who was not housetrained as a puppy. I have to be very vigilant with her - she poos once or twice a week in the house and it is most irritating but not her fault. Your situation sounds awful and it can't be good for you or your family.

Other cats have come & gone in the time we've had him

For me, this would be ringing alarm bells as a likely cause. And it might be some subtleties in their interaction that you can't even really detect. I've known people who have got new cats, existing cat has been really friendly and fine, and then over months and months, imperceptibly, it's broken down. Cats are very solitary and very territorial and often at best only tolerate (rather than actively like) other cats they cohabit with, especially newcomers.

How do they interact? Do you have at least one litter tray per cat (not next to each other)? Do they eat together with no issues? Do they all have a choice of quiet places they can freely choose from to sleep? What's his body language like? Most of the time, when he walks round the house, is his tail up or down?

What a horrible situation for you and the family. It is just so sad and stressful. We had a similar situation last year where our cat started weeing all over the house. We'd adopted a cat and they just didn't get along. It went on for a year and a half. We started by reducing the amount of house she could access and changed the hall carpet to hard floor. That at least reduced our levels of stress, but of course it didn't stop the wee (or the smell). Eventually we were able to rehome the new cat and the wee stopped overnight. It was all down to stress.

I think it sounds as though your cat is stressed and I'm afraid it will be very very hard to reduce his stress. You're not likely to give away all your other pets and the children. It is so hard, and heartbreaking, but it might be time to have him pts. I'm so sorry. You can't have people slipping over and hurting themselves, and I know from experience how bad a cat-wee carpet smells. Some of ours still smell 6 months later!

Like turniphead1 said... sometimes people take priority.

"However, I will be honest and state that I think that a few years down the lane is too late to address it. It should have been sorted or attempted to be sorted when the initial behaviour was displayed and in the event that it was a change in environment (new baby or whatever) then the cat should have been rehomed before the behaviour issues escalated.

(And I dont mean this to sound harsh by the way)"

Absolutely, not harsh at all.

Cat wee on carpet will continue to smell for months and months. It's incredibly pungent and resistant to cleaning.

I was working on the assumption that someone with 2 kids and 4 pets probably has a significant amount of hard-flooring!

A friend of mine had an elderly cat who did this, she confined the cat to a bench (with a litter tray) at night for a couple of weeks and it stopped.

Other things it might help to think about:

• is the litter tray in a quiet area of the house (no toddlers running past)

• whether you need more litter trays - some say you need one tray per cat plus one extra. The type of cat litter used can also make a difference.

Finally if it is stress related it is important to make sure that the cat has access to a safe area, some cats like to be up high (top of a book case or the fridge) others prefer a quiet room or a box under a bed.

I sympathise and you're putting up with a lot.

I too have an older cat - she is 14 - and she has started to mess in the house occasionally after a lifetime of being very good.

We also cannot fit a catflap any more - we got a new door and it has thrown her. The litter tray isn't working that well - she tries but there is nowhere to put it so it's always in the way, right by the front door, it smells awful, I haven't time to keep clearing it every single time (she will use it even if it's this weather and the doors are open)

She is loved and I can't bear the idea of giving her away but I have a 6mo baby who is beginning to crawl, and today I found she had weed on his play mat

it's horrible
I'm thinking of asking a sanctuary to take her but I can't stand to think of someone else having her and not loving her. Even though I am rude to her a lot
I think I'm going to have to find a way she can stay out at night, and whenever we go out as well. But in the winter it won't be nice.

Total sympathy, anyway, as I said before my rant

"Even though I am rude to her a lot" RoooneyMara I think you've hit the nail on the head there. I was very VERY unhappy with my cat quite a lot when I kept standing in her wee and spending large amounts of time cleaning up poo and wee. I stopped liking her and found it very hard to be affectionate to her. I'd started to think that she must be having a horrid life. Our relationship is much better now she's stopped messing.

OP maybe your cat would be better off living with someone else (although a friend of mine did say it would be cruel to rehome a cat if it's going to go and live somewhere else and wee all over their carpet) or better off being pts. It can't be much fun for the cat and certainly isn't much fun for you. You sometimes have to think about your mental state and put your happiness first!

Yes this is it

She can't be happy. But I can't send her away. I used to foster cats for a rescue. I always have had cats...to do that would seem totally wrong. I'd take her there and come home with four others!!

I just spoke to our local sanctuary. They were very nice - I asked if it would be Ok to have a shed for her, a cat flap in it, and keep her out, rather than send her away...they said yes it should be fine.

So that is the plan. A shed with a cosy box and a cat flap. I shall miss her though if she isn't in the house. It will still seem wrong.

Rooney have you had your moggy checkout for Diabetes or a water infection? These can cause a cat to start going elsewhere rather than their litter tray.

Regardless of how/why he started, this is the situation we're in now. But we just can't carry on like this. Sometimes I do find myself disliking him - it's not right & I don't want my memories of him to be of me getting pissed off with him pissing everywhere.

He doesn't really walk around the house that much. He's normally dozing or lolling around on a chair or bit of floor somewhere. We've got 4 litter trays in 2 separate areas - there's nowhere else to put them because I don't want the dog getting into them.

The only way I'm going to be able to get rid of the smell from the dining room is to dig the concrete floor up. It used to be carpeted, I replaced it with vinyl, but the pee had already seeped down into the concrete & I just can't get rid of it. Same with the hallway, in front of the front door. That's even worse though, cos the dog likes to lie down there. But if the cat's pissed there just before the dog lies down the poor dog ends up stinking of cat piss so I have to bath him.

Oh, I don't really know how he walks; tail up or down etc. Due to missing leg his bum almost drags on the ground. It's very hard to describe, & he sort of uses his tail on the floor to balance I think.

Anything over twelve years is a good age for a cat. We forget this as we've all known those veterans who go on past 20. I think in this case, it's time to say goodbye - unless you want to try the shed idea first. Your reason for not having him PTS is because you don't want to - someone else who did not love him would do so straight away. If you re-homed him, that is passing the decision to the next person. Of course it seems cold and brutal but it could be he is in pain with some unknown illness, and he is probably aware of the change he's experiencing. I have had to make this horrible decision, and for one cat I left it too long and still regret it. Only one day, but it was a bad day. Hugs to you.

Oh!

And wow to pee-soaked concrete. Poor both of you.

I was about to suggest what roooney has now come up with for her cat....that sounds like the best compromise if you can't get to the bottom of a stress issue you can then solve.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I think you have to think of the rest of you. You've also given him a long happy life, in a home, instead of a rescue centre.

It's not just for convenience, it's a necessity in a house with children to have clean floors. You've tried all the normal routes, they've not worked and it's time for you to realise there are no other options.

FWIW when we moved, the vet recommended I had our elderly arthritic cat PTS, as she thought she wouldn't be happy with the move and would find it very stressful. I felt guilty for a very long time, but it was for the best.

Oh it's so sad but I think you have explored the options and tried the usual things - maybe you have to take the vets advice

I feel for you though - it must be a very hard decision

I think that you have done a lot more than most owners would.

You really need to do what's best for your family, especially as you have a young baby. I wouldn't hesitate to put down in your situation and I speak as an animal lover.

If you really can't stop the weeing, and it does sound like you've tried everything, then I think you may have to put your cat to sleep for their own sake. This is a three legged cat who is basically incontinent and presumably dragging round her leg/tail in this wee and possibly poo; I think for a cat, who are very dignified clean animals, this would make them very unhappy. It's not quite the same as a four legged animal which is basically happy and clean but making you unclean.

I would PTS rsther than move him to the shed. He will have no idea whats happening at the vets - as far as he's concerned he's having a routine vets trip. He will be upset and confused by the move to the shed though. At his age pts really is the kindest option.

I had my dog pts a few months ago. She had damaged her throat and could only eat liquidised foods. I dutifully pureed catfood several times per day (stinking the house out!). She would find bits of solid dropped food here and there, eat it and then throw up 15 to 20 times. All my soft furnishings were ruined as well as my sofas. My laminate has bleached patches where I didn't clean sick up fast enough. My bed and bedding destroyed. Eventually she started digging up cat mess in the garden, then coming back in the house and beng sick everywhere. My mum offered to take her to be pts as I was a complete mess. She said that my girl had no idea, wagged her tail at all the fuss she was getting and then fell asleep instantly. We were so sad. But she had no idea at all and suffered not a bit of pain. I am still saddened by it all - but my own quality of life is incredibly improved. Had I moved her to the garden she would have been so sad and isolated. PTS was absolutely the right choice.