to be upset at this remark?

[Fightlikeagirl]

On the school run today one of the dads says to me "You're looking very white Fight, did you not go out in the sun over the weekend?"
I told him that I'm always pale as I burn so wear a high factor cream and then walked home to cry!
Silly I know and completely over sensitive but being pale is something I'm really conscious about.
I used to use sunbeds a lot when I was younger but now I would never risk my health by having anymore.
I wish I had come back with a smart remark like "I've have had cancer once before, I'm in no hurry to risk getting it again!"
I could fake tan which I sometimes do for a wedding or special occasion but its not something I want all the time.
It's not the first time people have commented on my pake skin colour, why do people think this is acceptable? I wish I could be pale and proud!

I wouldn't stoop to give him an equally unkind remark. What would you feel like if you were comfortable in your own skin? How would that You have reacted to his comment?

I have had cancer yes, and that's why I have to wear a high factor sun cream, and yes he knows I have had cancer.

There's nothing wrong with being pale. He was probably just making conversation.

I've never heard the phrase 'white fight' before...?

Oh god, you're name is 'Fight' OP, sorry :D

Yabu to cry about it. Pale is beautiful. I saw a girl yesterday with very short shorts and absolutely white long legs. I thought how stunning she looked and how beautiful is the Typical English complexion. I think you need to start embracing your own beauty and not worry about the opinion of some loud-mouthed twat in a playground. Next time, be armed with the line about not wanting to get anger again, it will make them shrivel.

your*

Don't worry, I'm off now

Don't take an ill thought out comment to heart. I'm also pale and I don't go out of my way to tan at all. I love this warm weather but a suntan isn't something that I persue.

Just say 'I like my skin to be pale because I have to be very careful as you know. Is that a problem?'

Gah 'cancer' not 'anger'.

I'm extremely pale, I've never tried to tan and I'm very careful in the sun, especially since my DGM was diagnosed with skin cancer. I get a lot of comments about it, in particular my HV mentions how pale I am every time I see her. It's pretty infuriating.

Oh I would not read too much into it. Just a sloppy conversation starter I think.

I try to be forgiving about things like this as we all say stupid things sometimes. I would hope the person knows that, generally, I mean well but sometimes make mistakes!

You're being way too sensitive about a flippant comment.

If you need to say anything just say "I don't like to get sunburned, so I used sunscreen."

I really can't see the big deal here - and I am sure that the person who made the comment had no idea how you would take it.

Well it's probably because it's less common, but it doesn't mean you should be offended by it. I know a girl who is super pale with beautiful long, curly dark hair. She looks like a porcelain doll; she is stunning. People probably talk about her being pale because it's part of her distinctive look, but I doubt anyone thinks badly of it.

In terms of your AIBU... people can be upset by anything they want as far as I'm concerned. It's unwise to comment about anyone's personal look really, but it sounds as though he was just making conversation. As far as you can just sound nonchalant about it 'Yeah... I just wear a high factor sunscreen, that's all.'

I once admired a friends DDs pale skin tone and she went mad saying pale was a rude thing to say, I certainly didn't mean it offensively

Being pale is soooo much nicer than being leathery-skinned from sun/tanning beds, or being orange from fake (called so because it looks so fake!) tan! Many citizens from around the world find the British obsession with tanning completely baffling. Your skin will be healthier, you will look nicer and there's no danger of looking like you're on TOWIE
:)

I'm very pale.

When I get tanned I just look like I haven't washed! Remembers Jo Frost on yesterday's This Morning

I'm proud of my pale skin, and in many other countries it's what they aspire too.

My friend has a beautiful porcelain skin tone and was thinking about fake tanning for her wedding but I advised her against it

I am naturally pale (and proud!). My sister got cancerous moles on her skin which needed removing surgically. She has big "dips" on her arm as the surgeon had to remove enough surrounding flesh. The "dips" or hollows on her back are less visible.

The man was very insensitive.

I used to get comments like that when I was young. I remember in particular a young Italian, in Italy, that made the sign of a cross on his chest as he walked past me and mumbled about seeing ghosts in broad daylight. (My sister speak Italian and was happy to translate)

It's just a personal remark. I can see it made you feel bad but I doubt he intended it to - he's just not thought it through. People say all sorts of tosh.

Personal remarks are never a good idea.

YANBU to be annoyed. I am pale and pasty and proud. I have not had cancer. The comment would still have upset me.

However, if I HAD once had cancer, the remark would have cut even deeper.

YANBU, but you must try to re-address how you feel about yourself. You need to alter your attitude. You have to stop thinking about staying out of the sun to avoid cancer, rather, you need to embrace your beautiful pale skin. Say to yourself that you're pale because you LOVE it, rather than because you're frightened.

I always used to wish I could tan, I envied my friend and her flawless olive skin and dark seducing hair... turns out she envied my blondeness, and my pale skin. I now have learned to love what I have.

Yes you're oversensitive, and that's probably because you need to look at your emotions regarding your cancer and your pale skin.

When everyone else I know is wearing very little, I'm the one under layers of muslin... someone said I looked classy the other day (I did guffaw, it's not a word I'd ever associate with myself) embrace what you have and use the tools you've been given.

I'm 47 and very pale. I've never had a tan and used to envy those who did. But as I burn so easily it's shade or sun block. I also hated the 'you're so pale comments'
But - I have smooth skin, no wrinkles, a couple of faint laugh lines around my eyes and that's it! And the same people who wasted time toasting in the sun, and commenting on my white face now look 10 years older than me.

Long term you will love your pale, well protected skin .

I am also rocking the (extremely) pale and interesting look at the moment. Don't take this remark to heart, it was a very trivial 'making conversation' type of thing and not worth crying over (are you feeling low anyway?)

When I was younger, I used to care about this and put on fake tan, now I really don't and lots of celebs (Jesse J, Nicole Kidman) are white as heck, they look lovely- I think at a certain point in your life you just have to go with how you are instead of crying over what you are not.

OP I completely understand why you are sensitive. I am the exact same. Anyone who says they don't get why your upset doesn't understand how hurtful it is when people go on about being pale.

I am properly pale and people always comment on it. Years ago when I was in turkey people would heckle me on the street - I found that really upsetting!

I can never think of a good comeback at the time either.