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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset at this remark?

84 replies

Fightlikeagirl · 09/07/2013 10:09

On the school run today one of the dads says to me "You're looking very white Fight, did you not go out in the sun over the weekend?"
I told him that I'm always pale as I burn so wear a high factor cream and then walked home to cry!
Silly I know and completely over sensitive but being pale is something I'm really conscious about.
I used to use sunbeds a lot when I was younger but now I would never risk my health by having anymore.
I wish I had come back with a smart remark like "I've have had cancer once before, I'm in no hurry to risk getting it again!"
I could fake tan which I sometimes do for a wedding or special occasion but its not something I want all the time.
It's not the first time people have commented on my pake skin colour, why do people think this is acceptable? I wish I could be pale and proud!

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 09/07/2013 10:37

Altinkum your comment is Shock

SkinnybitchWannabe · 09/07/2013 10:38

He was obviously a prick so ignore.
Pale, tanned, darkskinned, black, asian (and any other Ive missed)..whatever we are we all look beautiful.

flipchart · 09/07/2013 10:39

You got upset over that?
Really?

Good grief. Hyper touchy or what.

I get that a lot, I just say 'I know, I burn mega easy, I soon look like a boiled lobster, so I stay shady.'

Why are you crying over that? My mum and nan both have had skin cancer and they are the same colouring and the same remarks and say more or less the same things back.

Altinkum · 09/07/2013 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigW · 09/07/2013 10:41

Ahhh OP, me too! I am terribly conscious of my very pale skin. I always use sunblock. The worst is when I used to get back from holiday. All the jokes on the first day back in the office 'where have you been BW, Iceland?' ALL DAY! Used to dread coming back. Started getting a fake tan done when I got back from hols to avoid the hilarity.

I remember someone once joked that I was reflecting the sun and I had a little cry later. I am aware how ridiculous that sounds.

Now I don't give a shit and I look younger than all the sun worshippers! Grin

ilovechips · 09/07/2013 10:43

Next time say to him "ooh you're looking a bit bigger after the sunny weekend...been overdoing the BBQ?" See how he like personal comments that he might find offensive!

Pennyacrossthehall · 09/07/2013 10:43

I'm slightly bewildered by all the venom directed at the poor bloke who made what I'm sure he thought was a pretty innocent comment / conversation starter.

Would everyone be as upset by:

"You look a little bit pink - did you get out in the sun at the weekend?"

quoteunquote · 09/07/2013 10:45

Next time, Just give him your best incredulous look,

and say, 'You aren't very good at joined up thinking are you?"

well at least we know who all the H&S legislation is for, twonks who can't do logic.

Mumsyblouse · 09/07/2013 10:45

Yes, the advantages of having red hair (which doesn't lose its colour/need dyeing) and pale skin (lovely skin tone, fewer wrinkles) doesn't always manifest itself til later in life, but I am getting my own back now! The 'English' look is also popular in lots of countries- the French may laugh at the 'RosBifs' on the beach, but they are quite keen on them in the bedroom (so I'm told).

Solari · 09/07/2013 10:46

People tell me I'm very pale all the time (I avoid the sun like a vampire!) However, I also genuinely like my skin just the way it is, and when I ever get any comments about it, I just take it as a compliment and say "Thank you!" with a grin.

minouminou · 09/07/2013 10:47

I'm naturally very olive (and greasy), but have always used sunscreen a lot, even in my teens, so I'm usually paler than you'd expect me to be.
On the odd occasions I pick up a bit of colour, I look very different, and people say "Oh....you should tan more often, it really suits you...." (not because pale is horrible, but the colour suits my features better).
My gut reaction is....."What? A slight change of appearance is worth extra wrinkles and the risk of cancer?"

Pale it is. Except for my feet - I have sandal lines until Christmas because I often forget to put sunscreen on them.....

I think it was just a convo starter, and he may actually have been noticing the contrast between you and a load of lobsters! It's not necessarily a criticism of you.

youmeatsix · 09/07/2013 10:48

people just cannot say anything these days can they Sad i think we should all walk about like drones not speaking at all. i'm pale, very pale, its a fact not an insult

flipchart · 09/07/2013 10:49

I'm slightly bewildered by all the venom directed at the poor bloke who made what I'm sure he thought was a pretty innocent comment / conversation starter.

Come on, you know MN by now. Let's over react and make mountains out of mole hills.
There's always a drama lama on here!

Original poster
Fightlikeagirl · 09/07/2013 10:50

Yes I know I was being completely over sensitive to get upset. I guess that's why I posted on here for people to tell me to get a grip!
I am actually normally a confident person happy in myself but he really touched a nerve with me. Im sure most of us have something that we are paranoid about and being pale is mine.
I'm sure he'd be embarrassed to know he'd upset me.
Thanks guys, I'm off to the park with my sunblock in tow!! Smile

OP posts:
Funghoul · 09/07/2013 10:51

I'm pale and proud! I don't fake tan either as no matter what brand I try, they all make me look orange.
I'm 30 and apparently look a lot younger. So young in fact that when a bloke knocked at our door selling roofing, he asked me to pass the leaflet on to my parents! And this was 3 weeks after giving birth to my dd and being sleep deprived Grin
Much better to be pale than look like a leather handbag!

minouminou · 09/07/2013 10:55

My two fave rejoinders to a Mediterranean chum who is always banging on about me getting a tan because it makes me look "very exotic" are:

"There's nothing appealing about radiation damage," and
"Two words - Bridgette Bardot."

He laughs and says I'm paranoid, but we live way too long nowadays to get away with all this sun!

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 09/07/2013 10:56

When it's this hot fake tan melts off you and onto your clothes, yuck

ShabbyButNotChic · 09/07/2013 10:57

I too think he was just making conversation. I had pretty much the same chat with a mum collecting her child last night.
Me:"wow you've gone a nice colour!"
Parent: "yeah im a bit darker than you arent i :) do you not tan?"
Me: " no i never go brown really, might have to fake tan to catch up with you haha"

I really wouldnt read anything into it

flipchart · 09/07/2013 10:57

Touched a nerve in what way though?

If he had said 'bloody hell, have you been eating pies all weekend, You are looking porky.' Then I could understand.
But I have looked at his sentence time again and there isn't anything I can find offensive, malicious or snidey in it.

minouminou · 09/07/2013 10:59

I think it might have been the "Did you not go out?" part of the conversation, as if Fight hides away and is unsociable - I'd have bristled a bit at that, and would have just replied with: "Factor 50."

ZingWidge · 09/07/2013 11:01

yep, I have white skin and burn easily.
had a 1st degree burn when I was 15. my skin looked purple and a bit grey for days.
it was a horrible experience, I fell asleep in the midday sun [stupid]

(1st degree is the mildest where I come from as 3rd degree is very bad)

so I don't give a toss what people think.
I'd like to say I'm white and proud but it sounds racist somehow!Grin Grin

OP, don't cry. you don't need to explain.
sometimes the best answer is :"pfft" and shrug shoulders!

btw that bloke needs to get some manners not tanners.

Gingersstuff · 09/07/2013 11:05

Yeah, the guy is obviously a prick and the OP should clearly have told him to fuck right offHmm
Jesus, people really can't say anything to anyone these days can they??!
And for the record, I am very very pale, red hair and have had precancerous moles removed.
I cannot see anything in the guy's sentence to get remotely upset about.

flipchart · 09/07/2013 11:08

btw that bloke needs to get some manners not tanners.

Really? He hasn't said anything rude. It's the OP's over reaction that is a bit odd.

If nobody, especially people you knew, can't have a bit of unoffensive banter everything would be so formal.

Get a bloody grip.

If I get caught out without putting my gingerwear on I get comments about looking like I've been boiled alive. Those comments aren't rude. These people don't need manners!

FFS!

whoneedssleepanyway · 09/07/2013 11:09

Altinkum yes Cancer is no joke but I don't think you should have said about the OP "I hope you have had cancer before thinking about saying that remark"......

OP when everyone else looks like a wrinkled leather satchel you will have the last laugh.

Crinkle77 · 09/07/2013 11:10

I am like you OP, very fair skinned and never tan even when abroad and I used to get skitted about it. I would go a bit red then white again or come out in heat spots. I can't even fake tan because I am so pale I just look ornage even if I use the light ones. I just used to say 'yeah but at least I won't have wrinkles and skin like leather when I am older.'