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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think saying your kid learned swear words at school is a cop out?

67 replies

twinklestar2 · 08/07/2013 15:42

Long story short: my sister was babysitting our nephew the other day. She said for an hour he was pretending he had a machine gun and was shooting at her and her children saying 'I'm gonna fucking kill you you motherfucking bastards'.

He's 5.

The parents and grandmother came in and didn't tell him off when we told them what he'd said, they said to ignore him when he says things like that.

Is that right, should we?

Then I heard them saying in the kitchen that he must've picked up those words from school, but do 5 year olds really talk that?

OP posts:

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 08/07/2013 15:45

Woah, I'd struggle to believe he learnt the word motherfucker at school!

NinaJade666 · 08/07/2013 15:46

Yes, you are being unreasonable to think it's a cop out to say your kids learned swear words at school. Kids learn all sorts of stuff at school. Some parents do swear in front of their kids. Those kids go to school, swear, your kid hears it. Bam.. your kid now knows swear words. Why is it a cop out?

squeakytoy · 08/07/2013 15:48

Why didnt you tell him off? No wonder he thinks it is ok to say if he never gets pulled up on it. It doesnt really matter where he learnt it, it matters that he ought to know a child shouldnt be using that sort of language.

NoelHeadbands · 08/07/2013 15:49

My 5yo came out with the N word a few months ago. I assure you he did not hear that at home.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 08/07/2013 15:49

I must be naive as I can't believe a 5 year old would have picked that word up at school, I'd be horrified

Original poster

twinklestar2 · 08/07/2013 15:50

I did tell him off, but my mum and his mum say to ignore it. Very hard to discipline when everyone's saying to leave him alone.

OP posts:

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 08/07/2013 15:51

Posted to soon! But I guess it stands to reason that some poor kids are hearing these words at home and passing them on

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 15:55

that sounds like it came from a video game or a film kids dont speak like that they usually copy from what they see so he may have picked it up from school or he maybe allowed to watch play at 5 i would not ignore it and i would pull him up on it

wonderingsoul · 08/07/2013 15:57

you are being naive.. i have hear alot worse come out of 6/7 year olds..who your 5 year old will be mixing with.

and to a degree ignoring him can work.
my 4 year old says the odd swear word, the more i told him off the more he said it. so the fiurst time he says it i tell him no, its not very nice to say and its only for adults. if he does it again i completely ignore him. walk out the room till he stops then i give loads of attention/..

8thplace · 08/07/2013 15:58

I agree with Mrsjay.
I also think it needs correction and he should be made aware this is not acceptible language to use.

Preciousbane · 08/07/2013 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoelHeadbands · 08/07/2013 16:01

And yes, DS goes to a naice school

Davsmum · 08/07/2013 16:01

sadly, some parents allow their kids to watch totally unsuitable movies where they would pick up that language and repeat it at school. You don't need to tell your child off - but you do need to correct them and explain its not acceptable.

LittleMissGerardButlerfan · 08/07/2013 16:02

My kids picked up swearing from school so it is unreasonable to think they don't, my son is in reception and one of the boys has older brothers and they all swear, unfortunately the parents don't seem to care.

If my sons swear I tell them off and they go in time out, I will not tolerate swearing. If you ignore it how do they know its wrong?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/07/2013 16:02

Mine learned a large number of horrible words at school.

The teachers said that it couldn't have been school because the children didn't talk like that but my friend who was a dinner lady there said oh yes they do. They just know not to let the teachers hear them but when it's just her on dinner duty - there are kids out there with a worse mouth on them than a merchant seaman.

All a parent can do is hammer home the message that there are not words that you want to hear.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/07/2013 16:03

Rather, they're not words that they should say! I don't mean to suggest that you teach them to only say them when you're not around

(although as they get older that's exactly what'll happen )

HoratiaNelson · 08/07/2013 16:06

My six year old told me at the weekend that he'd learnt "a really bad swear word being with 'c' at school" I was filled with some trepidation when I asked home which word it was...fortunately it was only "crap" - I of course told him it was a bad word and he shouldn't use it, but mightily relieved that that is his idea of a really bad word, rather than the 'c' word I was thinking of!

MmeLindor · 08/07/2013 16:07

They will learn this at school - I was walking home from school and overheard some of the P7s saying 'fuck off'.

I told them off and said that it was not appropriate language.

We don't use the words, 'bad words' or 'swear words'. I say that there are words that are not appropriate for certain occasions, and certainly not for children to use.

If it is a one-off slip of the tongue then ignoring is an option. When a child of 5y uses it constantly for an hour, of course you should tell him that it is not ok. How else will he learn?

And what message does that give to other kids?

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 08/07/2013 16:10

How depressing, I was enjoying being naive it was much more fun

Original poster

twinklestar2 · 08/07/2013 16:12

I agree with you mmelindor but unfortunately his mum and grandma don't agree. When we told them what he had said they didn't say anything to him, his grandma stroked his hair and told him it was alright because he was sitting with his head in his hands because he knew he'd done wrong

OP posts:

MmeLindor · 08/07/2013 16:17

Sorry, HungryCaterpillar.

Twinkle
Were your DC there?

Original poster

twinklestar2 · 08/07/2013 16:20

No I don't have children yet but my other nieces and nephews were there.

OP posts:

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 16:23

In all fairness, it's not your kid so why are you in a dilemma over whether you ought to discipline him or not?

I wouldn't choose to ignore it if it were my DS, but I wouldn't expect much of a say in what happens in the cases of others children, whether I agreed with their method or not.

cory · 08/07/2013 16:23

The fact that a 5yo uses unsuitable language does not mean that particular 5yo, or indeed any 5yo has been watching the films in which these phrases occur.

Quite likely somebody's 12yo has watched the film (or whatever), used the words in the hearing of his 10yo brother, who has taught them to his friend... words pass on through a chain of 10yos... one of teaches them to his 7yo brother, who then repeats it at school in the hearing of either this particular 5yo, or some other 5yo who repeats them....

I knew all sorts of weird things from television shows when I was little: we didn't have a television. My parents never used a swear words in their lives and I still knew them all before I left primary school. Dc have the usual knowledge of swear words, neither dh or I swear.

Original poster

twinklestar2 · 08/07/2013 16:25

Marmalade - I'm wondering which method is best: to tell him off or to ignore.

OP posts:

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