Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to charge my student daughter rent?

53 replies

WestieMamma · 08/07/2013 11:31

She thinks it's unreasonable and is throwing major strops over it.

We're in Sweden so she gets a student grant and can top this up with a student loan. Tuition is free. She is entitled to a student flat from the local council. These are really nice flats and the rent includes all bills, even internet. She however wants to live at home and commute each day to save money. By 'save money' she means live at home free of charge, eat all our food, use mum's free taxi service etc so that all her student support can be used as spending money to go and visit friends abroad. Hmm

So AIBU to charge her rent? And if not, how much is appropriate? I was thinking £200 per month as rent on a student flat is £300 per month and doesn't include food. (I hope suspect that if she has to pay her way she'll be off like a shot)

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 08/07/2013 11:34

I'd charge her rent.

I also feel your pain. My dd (18) has told me she doesn't want to leave home! Shock

BlackeyedSusan · 08/07/2013 11:35

no. i would charge her the cost of living in your house for a month. so food, bills, petrol, internet etc.

sashh · 08/07/2013 11:38

Charge her the same as the uni flat would cost, plus extra for food.

CloudsAndTrees · 08/07/2013 11:38

I'd make her pay towards food and travel, but I wouldn't charge rent from my own child unless they were earning a wage.

Fakebook · 08/07/2013 11:42

I personally wouldn't do it. I'd make her use that money to learn how to drive and then buy a car and gain more independence. I couldn't ask my children to pay towards food or bills if they weren't working.

Fozziebearmum2be · 08/07/2013 11:42

I don't think it's unreasonable if you can't afford to support her and need some extra money towards household budget. But, having been a student (in UK) you get so little money and then need to repay it, it's so hard just to repay the loan itself and this was without having to borrow for tuition fees, which they obviously need to do now.

I'm still paying my small loan off over 10 yrs after leaving and I was the student who stayed in more than others and was by no means frivolous! It was hard to live on under 4k per year!!

A few people I know who lived at home, were charged rent and secretly their parents stashed it away for them and gave it them back when the time was right for a house deposit. It taught them to pay their way, but gave them a helping hand Smile

ballinacup · 08/07/2013 11:43

I paid rent as a student. It was non negotiable. If I'd been living away from home I'd have had bills to pay, so why should it have been any different for me living at home?

JerseySpud · 08/07/2013 11:45

YANBU i paid my parents rent

ThreeEyedRaven · 08/07/2013 11:45

YANBU. Sounds like a very good deal and will teach her a valuable lesson.

Aniseeda · 08/07/2013 11:46

£200 sounds fair, that should cover her share of the food and bills, plus taxi services!

I wouldn't want to make money out of my child living at home but don't see why you should end up out of pocket either.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 08/07/2013 11:48

I think YABU.

I dont understand the mentality that suddenly your children must pay this or that. If they are working then perhaps, but she is a student. She has a whole life ahead of her for paying bills and being sensible. Why cant she just enjoy being young?

Ofcourse, I will be told I am wrong, and given a host of reasons why you should charge her. But whatever. This is my opinion.

livinginwonderland · 08/07/2013 11:48

I didn't pay rent while I was studying. The rules were that if you're in full-time education (school or university) then you didn't have to pay rent as long as you contributed in other ways - chores, cleaned up after yourself etc. When I got a job, I paid a small amount in rent BUT it wasn't much (£50 a month) because I was only working part-time and my wages paid for my car, insurance, driving lessons and petrol.

LRDLearningKnigaBook · 08/07/2013 11:49

I think YANBU, because from the situation, it sounds as if she will be the odd one out if she's not paying rent, and I don't think that's an especially great situation to be in - she'll end up with a false sense of how easy it is to be the rich one in the group, but she's not actually earning.

burberryqueen · 08/07/2013 11:50

YANBU - if she was living as a student in residence then she would have to pay - at least she should make some contribution.

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2013 11:51

Who'd pay for the commute?

I'd do my level best to persuade her to move out. Social life will be much better in student accommodation.

Mckayz · 08/07/2013 11:52

I wouldn't. But I am probably basing that on my Mum and Step-Dads rule of if you were in education then you didn't pay rent. Once you left education and were working then you payed rent.

Mckayz · 08/07/2013 11:52

payed?? paid.

badguider · 08/07/2013 11:54

Charge her 'costs' maybe?

I think it's reasonable that she should save if she lives at home rather than a uni flat as she is compromising her freedom, but she shouldn't live totally free and you shouldn't cover her costs so I would charge her costs and also not do her cooking/laundry/lifts for her.

sleeplessbunny · 08/07/2013 11:55

YANBU, she should pay rent if she has the means. Like others have said, it is a valuable lesson.
And I like the idea of keeping her rent saved up (if you can afford to) so you could help her out later when she might need it for deposit/car whatever.

sleeplessbunny · 08/07/2013 11:56

Maybe charge a bit less than the flat though (before food/bills) so it is still a good deal for her
unless you really want her to move out

Eyesunderarock · 08/07/2013 11:59

I wouldn't charge for the roof over her head, but food and bills absolutely.
£50 a week seems very fair.

Original poster
WestieMamma · 08/07/2013 12:00

I suppose if I'm being really honest I want her to move out and am hoping that charging rent will motivate her to do it. I know that makes me sound like a right evil mum but she's such hard work. She moved out over a year ago into a student flat but came home at the beginning of the year as she wanted to change universities (she's 20). She's been here ever since and has contributed nothing. She's bone idle and getting her to do anything is a major battle which I just don't have the energy for anymore. I have a new baby and really could be doing without having to clear up after her too. Added to that, it's my husband, her stepdad, who supports us all but she treats him terribly and shows him no respect. He's the only dad she's ever known but she treats him like something she's trod in, unless she wants something off him :(

OP posts:
AlwaysDancing1234 · 08/07/2013 12:03

Not unreasonable at all. I got a Saturday & holiday job when I was 15/16 and my mum would take half my wages as 'housekeeping' plus petrol money. When my sister was about 18 my Dad took £50 per week housekeeping from her but put £10 per week of it aside and gave it to her as a lump sum towards rent on new flat after a year. He knew she wouldn't save the money herself and it taught her to budget and appreciate paying rent.

Eyesunderarock · 08/07/2013 12:03

She's 20. It's time she moved on a bit, especially if the house is more pleasant without her as a resident. She can come for long visits!
So go for it!

RandomFriend · 08/07/2013 12:05

Do you want to encourage her to move out? If so, charge her the full cost, which is the amount that you would be paid if you were to rent the room to another student.

If you are happy with her living with you - and I would be very, very pleased if an 18-year-old daughter wanted to live with me rather than in a student hall of residence - then the £200 sounds fair.

If you don't actually need the money, then stashing at least part of it away for her to have later when she needs it is a good idea.

Swipe left for the next trending thread