Division of domestic tasks

[Verycold]

For 12 years I have been a SAHM, three children aged 12,9 and 7, youngest has special needs. Dh works full time and is also now doing an MBA. From September I will go back to secondary teaching, .8 timetable which means one morning, two afternoons and one full day off per fortnight, but most likely will need to do planning and marking then and in evenings and possibly at weekend. How should domestic tasks, which so far have largely been done by me, divided up now? If a cleaner was hired, is there an obvious answer who should pay for it?

Isn't there a family pot of money that should pay for a cleaner, seeing as everyone will be benefiting from them?

Surely the answer is to get a cleaner and pay them out of the family money?

We have separate accounts, so far dh has covered the majority of regular bills, I pay for kids' extracurricular stuff and shopping (have some money coming in regularly)

A cleaner is there to do the jobs that need doing, like light dusting vacuum cleaning mopping floors ect. This should be a family expense

You will still have to come up a routine for general day to day things. Like the kitchen after dinner bed making and laundry ect.

It's better off to combine all income. After everything is paid you and DH have exactly the same amount of free spend.

I am just so hacked off because he reckons nothing changes for him, whereas I need to now consider how I will organise "my" tasks.

Of course things will have to change for him if he's been doing nothing!

'Your' tasks? Pft.

Household tasks.

All these relatively young guys still happily living in the 1950s.

I hate it when men like these don't move with the times.

I suggest if he want to live in the 1950 he should give up on every modern technology like mobile phones and Internet.

He wasn't like this when we met

No, but now he's grown accustomed to you tending to 'your' tasks and he's thought 'hmmmmm, I'm quite used to this, I've got quite a good set-up here'.

Tough.

I mean tough for him as obviously it has to change.

We had a cleaner because my XH refused point blank to do any cleaning.

Arsehole.

We don't have tasks divided out - if it needs doing one of us does it - some weeks I do more and others DH. We both work full time and I went back to work when the DT's were six months - we got a cleaner and someone to do ironing from that time. I often work away from home so DH does everything then. We have a joint bank account so no issue about how things are paid for.

Two points OP - if you are working 0.8 you need to be very clear that you should be working at least 9-5 four days a week because that is what you are contracted to do. Not a morning and a couple of afternoons. Use your time like a normal working day to do the prep and marking etc., although you may have annoyed a lot of teachers on here by suggesting you can do a 0.8 job in a morning and couple of afternoons. .

Insofar as chores are concerned if I had a full day a week off I might suggest reducing our cleaner (teenage children and large house) but there was no problem about me having one when the dc were small and I was at home because they were my principal job. Had a bit more help when I went back to work.

Married, sorry, I am doing secondary, what I was saying was that I will have lesson free time on one morning, two afternoons and one whole day per fortnight, but obviously in that time plus in the afternoons/evenings/weekends I will have to do planning, marking etc

You both pay for it, since the cleaner is enabling him to work, you to work, him to do his MBA, and both of you to look after your children, and have family time and couple time. If it wasn?t for the cleaner, at least one (and probably more!) of those things would have to be sacrificed. The whole family benefits from the cleaner, so both parents pay.

I?m surprised you don?t have a joint account in addition to your separate accounts. That would be a start. Sounds as if you two urgently need to build the concepts of ?family money? and ?family responsibilities? in addition to ?yours? and ?mine?.

If he is going to continue to pay the mortgage and most of the bills then I think it would be fair if you paid for the cleaner. But if all bills are to be shared then you should both pay half. It is difficult when people have separate money. I definitely think a cleaner is the best answer to stop endless rows about cleaning. I don't much like cleaning and I don't think DH even knows what it is. Except when it isn't done. It's not that he isn't helpful he is. He does most of the cooking.

I think people make this far more complicated than it needs to be. For a start, a cleaner is the least of the issues when it comes to who pays for what. Presumably you now need childcare before and after school, which is a far bigger expense and should come out of your joint earnings. Ditto for a cleaner.
As for domestic tasks, work on the basis that you are both entitled to equal free time once work hours are accounted for, and then divvy jobs up accordingly. As you are not quite full time, I would expect you to do proportionately more, but it is in no way 'your' job to carry domestic responsibility.
We both work full time and divide things equally. When the kids were small and I worked just 3 days, I did proportionately more, and also any night time wakings if the following day was a non working day for me. While I was on maternity leave I did pretty much all the domestic stuff because I was at home.

Married I think that was the time off she will have - I had to read it twice! The accountant in me would like to point out that mathematically with your DH working FT (100%) and you part time (80%) if you pro-rate 100% of the housework, you should be doing 55% and he should be doing 45%.

So if you have a joint account for outgoings, do you pay in proportionately to your income?

One question is how to regard time spent on the mba - free time or work?