Division of domestic tasks

[Verycold]

For 12 years I have been a SAHM, three children aged 12,9 and 7, youngest has special needs. Dh works full time and is also now doing an MBA. From September I will go back to secondary teaching, .8 timetable which means one morning, two afternoons and one full day off per fortnight, but most likely will need to do planning and marking then and in evenings and possibly at weekend. How should domestic tasks, which so far have largely been done by me, divided up now? If a cleaner was hired, is there an obvious answer who should pay for it?

I agree with Verycold. A cleaner but proportional to your earnings. Unless of course there is a very valid reason otherwise like he pays all the mortgage and council tax or something like that.

I just want the acknowledgement from him that the housework isn't my problem alone

Oh OP - that's really tough if you feel unable to have a calm discussion about this. Agree with previous posters that maybe a post in relationships would get you some great advice and support.

Really hope you're ok - there's always more to these things than those of us out here who blithely post spouting off about how our lives work, which is no use if it's hard to communicate with your DH.

So, sorry to keep questioning you, but is your contribution to household expenses going to increase as a result of you going back to work, or is that income going to stay in your account? You mentioned that you have another source of income apart from your salary. Does that mean that you're already paying half of the household expenses? Or is that contribution proportionate to your income, and will it therefore increase when your income increases?

Just trying to understand it from your DH's point of view. Can kind of see that there isn't much in it for him if he has to take on his share of the household tasks but doesn't benefit from the increase in family income, but not sure if that's what you're saying.

What was his expectation when you made the decision to SAH with the kids? Did he think you were going to be at home forever?!

We've never properly worked out so far who pays how much, but looking at it now it seems fair. What gets me most is that he won't acknowledge that life will have to change for the whole family. I'm not sure what he thought about work and me, I think he wanted me to do a smaller less demanding job that wouldn't have quite such an impact.

Well, he's just going to have to adapt, isn't he? If you both make a fair contribution to household expenses, then you both need to make a fair contribution to the housework. I can't see how he could argue for anything else.

It's not up to him what sort of job you do.

Going .8 teaching is as near as dammit full-time. The split of your timetable means you'll be travelling for part of your day, so any freed up time is notional. And you'll have tons of prep and marking: what's your subject? You need a cleaner. And a better timetable.

I thought the timetable was quite kind really? At least the free lessons are at the beginning and end of the day, and one full day, but yes the prep and marking is scary. I teach MFL.

Even if you have a cleaner unless you have a maid as well the division of labour is more important here imo.
What we did was instead of splitting it all 50/50 we shared the tasks that could only be done at a particular time to the only person who could do it. This shortened the list drastically. Then it was 50/50 with the rest to fit in when each of us could.