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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sons boyfriend

81 replies

mogy · 07/07/2013 17:35

hi
my son has a boyfriend the boyfriend used to be a girl, my son has been gay sine he was born, the boyfriend has always identified as a gay man they have been dating for a year (they told me two months ago) they're a really sweet couple the boyfriend is quite manly and has a unisex name the school has a summer uniform where the girls wear skirts boys shorts they tried to tell the boyfriend that since he was born a girl he must wear a skirt, my son is planning with his friends as a protest to wear skirts to school. i'm quite proud but i want to know whether i am being unreasonable by sticking my nose in and complaining to the school, the boyfriend lives in a care home where they don't care much about anything. am i being unreasonable

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 07/07/2013 17:38

do you mean you're going to complain about the rule?

if so yanbu, it can only help the students' point if done right surely?

IHeartKingThistle · 07/07/2013 17:39

great protest btw!

specialsubject · 07/07/2013 17:40

don't know if you're unreasonable because I am completely confused.

ThreeEyedRaven · 07/07/2013 17:42

YANBU! sounds like the poor lad has few people to stand up for him, go for it!

Justfornowitwilldo · 07/07/2013 17:43

It's a stupid rule. If my child was at a school that tried to force girls to wear skirts I would most definitely get involved.

juniper9 · 07/07/2013 17:43

I think it's a stupid, sexist and outdated school uniform, regardless of born gender and/ or sexuality.

Original poster
mogy · 07/07/2013 17:44

i did mean going to complain and getting people in the neighbor hood to help but its not the most open town btw how cofused?

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 07/07/2013 17:45

YANBU - the school are behaving appallingly - poor lad x

Trills · 07/07/2013 17:45

Why not make the complaint general, rather than focusing on this one person? One set of uniform rules for everyone.

If skirts are part of the uniform, everyone should be allowed to wear a skirt. If shorts are part of the uniform, everyone should be allowed to wer shorts.

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2013 17:46

I'm totally confused

Has one had a sex change?

How old are they?

omletta · 07/07/2013 17:46

I believe that by law you are the gender you identify yourself as being, therefore the boyfriend is male.

I am shocked at a schools ignorance in this respect.

Absolutely you should complain - not just for your sons boyfriend but on principle.

Great protest - hope it works, although it shouldn't be necessary. And what the fuck sort of school makes girls wear skirts and the boys shorts?

cazboldy · 07/07/2013 17:46

YANBU - Good Luck x

MamaMumra · 07/07/2013 17:46

YANBU - it's a great protest bit I think the school will come down hard on them - though I hope not. It's good our son and his boyfriend have you on side. Re: complaining to the school, go for it!

Tee2072 · 07/07/2013 17:47

Yes, what Trills said.

One rule for all.

Original poster
mogy · 07/07/2013 17:48

the boyfriend hasn't had a sex change they are 15 thanks for the support!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/07/2013 17:49

Oh I get it now.

Yes, campaign for girls to be able to wear shorts.

I thought they could in most schools anyway

BadLad · 07/07/2013 17:51

The boyfriend hasn't had a sex change, but he used to be a girl?

Original poster
mogy · 07/07/2013 17:52

worraliberty the point isn't that girls should be able to wear shorts (which they should) but that they recognize the boyfriend as a boy

OP posts:
Original poster
mogy · 07/07/2013 17:54

badlad he used to be viewed as a girl but now a boy as he wants it

OP posts:
Chivetalking · 07/07/2013 17:54

Is this a state school?

And it has a mandatory skirt policy and a shorts policy?

How unusual.

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2013 17:55

Ahh I see

But if they recognise her as a boy, won't they have to let her change/shower with the boys in the changing room?

I'm not really sure if the school can allow that or if other parents would be happy?

I don't know, it's a bit of a mine field really.

But YANBU to want to change the uniform rule.

omletta · 07/07/2013 17:55

Ergo he is a boy.

BurningBridges · 07/07/2013 17:56

www.mermaidsuk.org.uk

www.safenetwork.org.uk/training_and_awareness/Pages/supporting-lgbt-young-people.aspx

or Stonewall - www.stonewall.org.uk/at_school/

Either of these will help you to help the young person you are worried about, and advise them on their rights if they are living under the care of the local authority. Kids like this need an advocate; I hope you can be one on this occasion, good luck.

Trills · 07/07/2013 17:57

There are two points.

1 - non-sexist uniform rules

2 - recognition of transgender people as being able to define their own gender

I think #1 will be easier to achieve than #2, but I also think that minimising sexist rules is to the benefit of transgender people, therefore #1 is worth achieving both in itself and for the benefit of your son's friend.

QuintessentialOldDear · 07/07/2013 17:57

Good luck.

But read this about the swedish train drivers wearing skirts

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