Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sons boyfriend

81 replies

mogy · 07/07/2013 17:35

hi
my son has a boyfriend the boyfriend used to be a girl, my son has been gay sine he was born, the boyfriend has always identified as a gay man they have been dating for a year (they told me two months ago) they're a really sweet couple the boyfriend is quite manly and has a unisex name the school has a summer uniform where the girls wear skirts boys shorts they tried to tell the boyfriend that since he was born a girl he must wear a skirt, my son is planning with his friends as a protest to wear skirts to school. i'm quite proud but i want to know whether i am being unreasonable by sticking my nose in and complaining to the school, the boyfriend lives in a care home where they don't care much about anything. am i being unreasonable

OP posts:
omletta · 07/07/2013 17:58

Indeed the school must make provision for him to use the correct gender toilets - in this case male. Because of the sensitivities of this type of situation this might be a separate one to other pupils, perhaps the staff one.

Original poster
mogy · 07/07/2013 17:58

they don't do pe that much and it mainly dodge ball so they don't shower (though i really wish they would), and he binds his chest (which must be really painful his chest is flat but he is really a D!)

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 07/07/2013 17:59

Stupid rule, what if girls dont like wearing skirts.

I remember when the school got arsey at the girls, because we were wearing bootcut trousers, and not actual school trousers, we never did listen.

fluffyraggies · 07/07/2013 17:59

I wish you luck with this - no constructive advice.

It's one thing to be allowed to dress as a girl in school, but quite another to be viewed as a girl. As has been said - changing room/toilet issues will arise. Tough one.

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2013 18:00

What sort of school is this OP?

HerrenaHarridan · 07/07/2013 18:02

I used to attend a girls school that had a skirts only policy.

We hated it.

We kicked up merry hell and protested in lots of ways to the school. Including petitions, school council, meetings, LA, demonstrations (agreeing to all wear trousers any way and send us all home)

Eventually what worked was getting the parents and teachers onside.

So do get involved but I would strongly recommend taking a each gender should be able to wear either stance.
This means you won't just be helping your sons bf but every other kid who is at or will be at the school.

It is winnable and the law is on your side. They have a lot more chance with even a handful of parents in their corner.
Well done!

BadLad · 07/07/2013 18:05

What steps does one need to take in order to change gender in the UK?

TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 07/07/2013 18:07

My DDs go to a school with skirts only.

I really, really hope they change.

Fakebook · 07/07/2013 18:08

I'm confused. Your DS has been gay since he was born? How did you know?

His boyfriend is 15, and hasn't had a sex change operation yet, so physically she's still a girl. How long has she been dressing like a boy? Surely if she's been dressing like a boy since childhood, the school wouldn't see this as a problem?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/07/2013 18:21

IMO, it's all a bit odd.
Surely he didn't have to wear a skirt in previous years or have I missed the point?

LastTangoInDevonshire · 07/07/2013 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

RoxyFox211 · 07/07/2013 18:38

Yanbu! Good luck with the protest.

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2013 18:39

I'd like to know what sort of school doesn't do PE much, given that it's part of the NC.

SpooMoo · 07/07/2013 18:40

The Equality Act 2010 might be relevant here re trans* identity. Go to your local MP.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/07/2013 18:42

Go for it Tango. I would, but I am going to bed (1.40am in Malaysia)

Fakebook · 07/07/2013 18:43

Hmm. 👹

Chivetalking · 07/07/2013 18:44

I'd like to know what kind of secondary school offers "mainly" Dodgeball for PE.

Along with insisting on shorts for boys obviously.

kinkyfuckery · 07/07/2013 18:50

Hmm..

Letticetheslug · 07/07/2013 18:52

never mind transgender , just go for it that girls should be able to wear shorts..wars a won by a series of battles.0

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/07/2013 18:57

ignoring the holes.

this ↓↓↓↓ from Fakebook seems right
"Surely if she's been dressing like a boy since childhood, the school wouldn't see this as a problem?"

MissStrawberry · 07/07/2013 19:03

Yes, you are Tango.

You should know the rules by now Hmm.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 07/07/2013 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phantomnamechanger · 07/07/2013 19:11

One of my kids had a transgender boy in their class all through primary - the boy(as he was born) has dressed as a girl and grown hair long for years, wears all girls clothes, identifies with the girls rather than the boys and was totally accepted throughout primary school. The only way in which they have been treated differently is in not doing swimming for reasons of communal changing rooms/nudity. Anyway - on transition to secondary the child started a new life dressing fully as a girl and going by a new name - the school, parents and friends are all OK with it, this youngster has bags of confidence and is totally happy with all the medical processes that they will need to undergo over coming years. I am sure that without the support of his family he would have been growing up into an entirely unhappy young man.

the school in the OP are a disgrace, TBH. They should be helping this young person, and so should the agencies who are involved in their "care".

maddy68 · 08/07/2013 14:51

They cannot legally discriminate by sex so by not allowing girls and boys to wear the same they are breaking the law. I'm in the middle of re writing our school dress code so I'm a bleedin expert at the moment !!

aldiwhore · 08/07/2013 14:58

Exactly Trills.

I would object to be forced to wear a skirt purely because I'm female.

If you pursue "1" and are successful, much of the battle of "2" is won.

Swipe left for the next trending thread