about DH' s hobby?

[flowersinavase]

I'm a SAHM with two DCs: 2.11 and 5m. DH works very long hours and often travels during the week. During the week I'm effectively a single parent.

DH has a hobby (a sport) which he goes to Saturday afternoons: he's out of the house from noon to 4. I support it since his week is otherwise very sedentary (he does sport rather than watches) and it's good for him to do something other than work.... but I'm getting very resentful of it: I have the children all week and now don't get any help most of Saturday..

It's hard to organize play dates etc at the weekend since for everyone else, it's family time...

AIBU in asking him to stop going? It feels very selfish but I don't want every weekend to end in resentment..

I think OP with a 2 year old and a 5 month old baby you are doing the hard yards. I too am married to a work aholic and there were hard days but I always felt privileged to be with a hard worker and able to be at home with the children. In a year the eldest will be at nursery and Monday-Friday life will ease.

I never resented dh's sport on Saturdays because he has/had a very stressful job and I was glad he got some release. He was quite good about taking the dc to the park on a sunday though to give me a break for a couple of hours. At this stage I think family life is about support and survival as much as it is about all four of you being able to go and do something together.

The added bonus was that by three dh was taking ds to football and he even had his own season ticket .

It all works out - ours are 18 and 15 now and we have had the loveliest day even if only a few hours were spent together.

He was quite good about taking the dc to the park on a sunday though to give me a break for a couple of hours.

He was quite good? Really spending time alone with his kids?

12-4 is a very bad time to be out the house and I'd really try to get him to do either every other week or Saturday mornings instead. (DD2's dancing takes out 12-2 and it's a pain some weeks)

If you are a SAHM that would feel pretty much like doing 6 says on your own. 12-4 is in veritably climbing the walls time.

It's easy to find activities for older DCs on SAT mornings, but way fewer after lunch.

My dh works long hours too and often travels overseas during the week. I have no help as we live abroad. And I work.

My dh goes surfing every weekend at about 7am and comes back about 2. I think he deserves to. He works hard and he is a good dad.

There's nothing I want to go out and do. I'm too lazy. If I wanted to then I would.

And you work! Exactly, so you do have help, you have some kind of child care, you get adult company and you get time to think.

Being a SAHM is wonderful, and a privilege, but it can be very lonely and very stressful.

24/7 of DD1 at 2 did my head in, she simply ignored toys and climbed up and messed with everything she wasn't supposed to. She wasn't naughty, just intensely , impulsively curious. It was bliss when she was 2.9 and went to preschool. They were very polite, but reading between the lines she drove them nuts too.

True, I've just started in may though. I've been a SAHM since 2003 until then.

Yanbu. It sounds lonely being you at the moment. Young children are hard work and he's opting out where possible. There's wrong with goingnto he hotel gym when he travels getting up early to get exercise.

He needs to giv his hobbyba break for a couple of years when the children will be less intensive.

I have a DH who works intensely long hours too plus lots of overseas travel; I won't see him again this month for example. We have a 2.10 and 8mo. TBH the only way it works is for me to see the children/ home as fully my responsibility as he really does need to relax in his downtime. Even when he's home I do bathtime etc. on my own. Can you afford a cleaner/ mother's help? It makes things feel much sloggy if you can go out with the kids for fun at the park and come back to find the house is clean and the ironing is done. It's the repetitive drudgery which does me in not the children. Totally agree with getting a sitter just so you can have a few hours off too.

It is quite lonely though tbh.

Why don't you take the DC with you and go and watch? There are likely to be other families watching too and you can meet them and effectively have 'play dates' while supporting him.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, and I completely understand your point about 12-4 (plus travel?) taking out the possibility of Saturday as a family day out.

We moved DS1's football class from Saturday to Tuesday because it was stopping us as a whole family doing a Saturday activity. In our case it was more about being able to visit relatives who live a long way away, but there were other times when it was just more convenient to do something on Saturday than Sunday, for example when the forecast for Saturday was dry but rainy for Sunday.

We felt it was unfair for one family member's hobby to impact on the other four of us every single week.

I'd also suggest every other Saturday for your DH's hobby - and perhaps he could also go to the gym a couple of evenings per week too?

Is it cricket

Tbh I wouldn't stop him playing

Do your kids nap after lunch? Say they sleep til 2pm & he gets home at 4pm , then it's not that long at all

My Dh works 8am - 4pm every Saturday so I think you're lucky tbh

Oh, one other thing - you won't be the only family at a loose end on a Saturday afternoon - you may well find that others of your friends are glad to arrange a play date for Saturday afternoons too, for similar reasons.

Cricket would take out the whole day! And have nets during the week.

OP: does it have to be noon - 16.00pm?
Early morning would be better, then it done with.

Could he do his hobby of a weekday evening? Straight from work? Or 6am Saturday- 10am?

Suprised at the amount of 'he deserves it' posts.You do too op.Looking after two small children round the clock can also be stressful and lonely.Even if you do meet up with other moms during the week.You want family time and there is nothing unreasonable about that.Both my parents worked full time and had hobbies but we always did things as a family too.I would have no problem with mornings,evenings or even every second Saturday.Sounds like you do enough already

I really don't get this 12-4 (the OP says that's the time he's out of the house) being "most of Saturday" thing. It's 4 hours!

But then I also don't get the "being a SAHM is as hard as going out to work" thing either.

Of course it's very tiring and stressful! Did I say it wasn't?

I wonder whether SAMHs who have actually experienced high pressure, loads of travelling jobs would.

If he works long hours all week then he definitely needs four hours to do something for him. Work is tough these days.

Similarly, you need time for you and you all need time as a family.

99 times out of 100 the solution will need to come from you so work out what you want and tell him. I'm sure he'd be receptive.

He's being ridiculous, end of. I know lots of people who have been through these sorts if negotiations OP. The odd or so would be fine but noisome thin which eats up that much of the day. Can you find out if he could start earlier, say around half eight/nine? DH does this with golf/tennis.