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AIBU?

To not let this person drive my car.

148 replies

Sparklysilversequins · 06/07/2013 10:52

Will be quick as need quick answers please.

We are away camping. My dc, me and a friend. The friend is in their 30's, they had their licence removed for drink driving years ago and even though that is spent they've never renewed it. So no license, no insurance. I went for a shower, it's about a km away. When I got back the friend asked to take my car to the showers. I said no but would give them a lift. They got into a temper, said its private land (it is) so they are therefore allowed to drive on here. I still said no but again offered a lift.

They stormed off making a crack about the shower gel I had borrowed off them earlier . When they returned they wouldn't look at or speak to me properly. I said if this continued I would pack up and go home as i know of old how long they can keep up a sulk. They was a short argument and then they took their stuff and left. So now I am on my own with two DC with ASD, who want to stay.

I've called and tried to make peace but they won't answer and won't reply to my messages.

So what'd the consensus please?

OP posts:

Report

wonderingsoul · 07/07/2013 10:18

another here wanting to know how your night went?

good for you for standing your ground and showing him what a dick he is!

is this your last day?

Pimpf · 07/07/2013 10:26

Hope you had a good night and well done for standing up to him. You were completely in the right, him in the wrong.

TimeofChange · 07/07/2013 12:46

Sparkley: hope the camping is going well.

Think of him stomping off as a blessing, as no way will you get together again.

Sparklysilversequins · 07/07/2013 13:55

Well we are back home now to get ready for school tomorrow. Really glad we stayed although didn't feel the best at half one in the morning when ds had a nightmare and was shouting his head off! Couldn't get back to sleep after so just lay there waiting for it to get light.

Had a message this morning saying he was coming back to help pack up and could I pick him up at the nearest train station. So I suppose he is trying to do the right thing. But I know of old that I would never get an apology and it would just flare up again as he would never acknowledge that he is in the wrong and want to try to make me see how wrong I am. So I said no thanks we are nearly packed away now and about to head back. But it was really lovely and the dc want to go again so overall it was a success .

OP posts:

GetStuffezd · 07/07/2013 13:56

Good for you!!

caramelwaffle · 07/07/2013 13:59

Glad to see you had a good time.

well done for saying No thank you.

Jan49 · 07/07/2013 13:59

"coming back to help pack up.."

Doesn't that sound like he just wanted a lift home?

Well done for declining his "help".

wharrgarbl · 07/07/2013 14:11

I told him to stop rewriting what happened and not to come back as fine without him. Have had a few more since then saying he needs to leave by 7 if he is to get here at a reasonable time. I said No thank you to all.

Excellent. Actions, meet consequences. You twat.

Longdistance · 07/07/2013 14:11

Yeah, sounds like he wanted a lift home.

As granny would say...'what a wanker!'

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 07/07/2013 14:31

You've proved conclusively that you don't need the twat, Sparkly! Now leave him dumped, he's so not worth the hassle.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 07/07/2013 15:21

Well done.

you know, I can almost guess what's gone on here.

You were supposed to obey. When you didn't, then the storming off was intended to bring you back into line. You were expected to beg and plead for forgiveness and/or be unable to cope without him. When that didn't happen, he decided to allow you to have him back on the condition that you never mentioned it (intention that you modified your behaviour and allowed him to feel as though he was in control of the situation and possibly intended to make you feel grateful and scared of him walking away again) and now you have said no to that, his last ditch attempt is to convince you that you need him for the practical (packing up) stuff and he'll do you a huge favour and come back - again, giving him control and having you feel indebted to him.

i'd say that the next attack will be how unreasonable you've been and selfish and how you ruined everything.

You are very well rid of him.

lunar1 · 07/07/2013 15:44

Well done for not letting him back

Xales · 07/07/2013 15:51

OP you rock.

His loss.

changeforthebetter · 07/07/2013 16:06

Well done OP

maras2 · 07/07/2013 16:30

Good woman yerself.

onedev · 07/07/2013 16:44

Well done Op! You deserve to feel proud of yourself! I'd stay clear of that person if I were you!

Sallyingforth · 07/07/2013 16:59

So I suppose he is trying to do the right thing
I hope you are not softening towards him.

You haven't seen the last of him. Give it a day or a week and he'll come crawling back, either saying you are forgiven or pretending that nothing happened.
I just hope for your sake you are strong enough to tell him to get lost permanently.

Sparklysilversequins · 07/07/2013 17:33

He apparently walked two hours to a train station and went home.

I think that pissing off and leaving a woman and two kids with a shed load of camping gear to dismantle and pack up does not tie in with his idea of himself as being a nice guy, that's why he was so keen to come and help this morning. Anyone who hears this story who knows us is going to think he is a compete twat because I know I would if this had happened to someone I know. He wanted to come back and be the poor guy who had been pushed beyond endurance but STILL did The Right Thing.

No softening here.

OP posts:

Loulybelle · 07/07/2013 17:37

good, shame it werent raining.

Jan49 · 07/07/2013 17:59

Glad to hear he could walk more than 1km after all.

Sparklysilversequins · 07/07/2013 18:00

OP posts:

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 07/07/2013 22:10

Oh well done!!!

You survived the night, and refused to let him play his control games.

You are brilliant :)

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Sparklysilversequins · 07/07/2013 23:31

We have spoken. He now says that he came back from the shower perfectly fine and over it and it was me stomping about packing up . I WAS packing up yes because I refused to stay in that situation, been there too many times before. Just completely messes with my head. As I remember it I asked him to step away and discuss it not in front of the dc and he just completely ignored me, with a nasty smirk on his face.

I just don't understand how two people can remember the same event so differently. Apparently I behaved like a child and he only left to protect the kids from listening to silly rows.

Oh well, I just keep thinking about it and wondering if he really does remember it that way and if I completely overreacted. I don't suppose it matters but its playing on my mind.

OP posts:

Maryz · 07/07/2013 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foslady · 07/07/2013 23:46

Have been lurking on this.

He's trying to spin on this and make himself look good.

You did EXACTLY everything he didn't expect, so this is his last line of attack.

You rock OP - and there is NOTHING wrong with your memory - he stormed off because you wouldn't let him have his way

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