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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

letting my kids have Facebook?

144 replies

MummaEss · 05/07/2013 20:42

I know this might be a bit controversial but I just want to know any rational arguments against kids having a facebook account.

My girls have had accounts from the age of 6. They have older sisters (my step daughters from their Dads first marriage) who live elsewhere and although we are all close as a family and see each other regularly, facebook was a fantastic way for the sisters to keep in touch. My eldests best friend moved miles away and she was able to keep in touch with him, share photos etc via Facebook, and they remain firm friends despite seeing each other once a year. Also, the amount of reading, typing, spelling etc involved in using FB is surely beneficial to literacy development?. Also, back in the day it stopped the kids from wreaking my work on Farm Town ;)

I know lots of people think that having kids on social networking leaves them vulnerable to all sorts of predatory people but I fail to see this if the necessary precautions are taken. My girls (at least when they were little) were told that they were not to add people. I added close friends and family to their accounts and sorted privacy so no one else could see their inane posts. MY friends and family have also been told to just block them if they become annoying. Also, my kids know that although they may read (and hear...quite often) swear words they are not to repeat them EVER!

Basically I just want to know what the massive problem is? Opinions please :)

OP posts:

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/07/2013 09:26

They don't go on her wall, she can only see them if she clicks on my name, which she occasionally does when we have no foster dog in, to see if we've been offered any.

She's just as likely to see them if she walks into the dining room while I am on FB. She asks questions sometimes, decides that some people should not be allowed to keep animals and then goes about the rest of her day.

Most of the pictures she sees are of dogs that have been neglected and we are able to find out which rescue is now dealing with the dog and how the dog is doing.

SoupDragon · 06/07/2013 09:28

The animal abuse pictures that occasionally pop up on my news feed make me feel sick, disturbed and stick in my head.

I have never had anything inappropriate pop up on my news feed.

SoupDragon · 06/07/2013 09:34

DSs had them from Y6 and Y4 respectively. Yes, I lied when signing them up but TBH, I couldn't give a stuff about that - the age changes depending on what country you are in anyway. They were locked down privacy wise, never posted photos, I knew their passwords, had full access and they were given strict instructions about who they could add - and I checked who they had added. This way I knew what they were doing and was able to monitor it rather than them setting up accounts on their own.

Now aged 14 & 12 they couldn't give stuff about FaceBook and don't use it.

LookingForwardToMarch · 06/07/2013 09:36

Unfortunately I have, if a friends sees one and posts on it how disgusting it is or that they have reported it then it shows up on my facebook.

And photos of dogs that have previously been abused don't disturb me...

Apologies I thought you meant the ones that show severe injuries, decapitated animak heads etc.

LookingForwardToMarch · 06/07/2013 09:39

But are their friends 'really' their friends?

Just curious, how do you check this?

Re: people stealing photos from peoples friends list and imitating them?

MorrisZapp · 06/07/2013 09:42

I don't understand all the pearl clutching re Facebook, for adults or teens. All you need to do is make your page private, and only add people you want to. If people post crap or offensive stuff, just unfriend them.

I think 6 is probably too young, but in theory I can't see how they'd be at risk if they have known friends only and a private page. I've had FB for years, never had any issues at all.

It's only an issue if the whole world can see your page, surely.

LookingForwardToMarch · 06/07/2013 09:47

Did you see my post re my ex?

My profile is on the highest privacy setting and I change it every month.

If someone is really determined to get to you they can.

Facebook has been having its 'privacy' settings questioned for years.

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/07/2013 09:48

No, I'm a member of several rescue dog groups so I get pictures of starved or scarred dogs on my feed. We can check how the dog is now doing and/or assist with fundraising by donating money, toys etc. if the dog still needs funds, so dd1 gets to feel as if she is directly helping that dog (and in some cases she is, she has donated bits of her pocket money before and old teddies and blankets to rescues)

The worse she ever saw was a new born baby cow who had slipped through the bars of a milking line and into the gutter. She was disgusted that animals are treat like this just so we can process them for our own needs and stopped drinking milk for a while (she drank almond milk instead and didn't connect cheese and yoghurt with what she'd seen, so still got plenty of calcium)

Imo, children are the next generation of animal lovers/abusers. The earlier we educate them on how we actually get our food, treat our pets, the more likely we are to create a generation that is better than ours.

My children eat meat and dairy products, they have a right, imo, to know where that meat comes from and how it gets to our plate, so that they can decide for themselves if they want to eat it. Dd2 is semi vegetarian, she will only eat meat she doesn't yet associate with actual animals. She's never seen any of these pictures and does not have FB but she is told when she asks what she is eating and where it has come from and is given the option of not eating that product anymore.

Having being made aware of how others treat their pets helps them understand why they are never allowed a puppy and why they have to give up their foster dogs when they find a home to make space for the next dog who needs our help. They deal with all of this very well.

SoupDragon · 06/07/2013 09:50

But are their friends 'really' their friends?

Just curious, how do you check this?

LOL - because I know who their friends are!

SoupDragon · 06/07/2013 09:52

If someone is really determined to get to you they can.

In DSs case there are no wierdos trying to get to them.

LookingForwardToMarch · 06/07/2013 09:54

Soup if you see them often then fine.

I was talking about parents who maybe just look at the friends list and think 'Yep I recognise that face/name' and move on.

katydid02 · 06/07/2013 09:54

YABU. They have to be 13. You are teaching them that it is OK to ignore the rules.

LookingForwardToMarch · 06/07/2013 09:56

That you know of

(Cue eerie music)

I'm not trying to say ALL children are in danger. Just pointing out that nothing is fail proof, certainly not on facebook.

teetering13 · 06/07/2013 09:58

The way I see it, if you're on the ball .. clued up, computer savvy, responsible for your kids, have convos with your kids about the good and bad side of t'internet, ruler in your own house then yes, you can have fb for a child ...
If you need rules for your own good, aren't sure whats what, not computer savvy, wouldn't know how to explain to your child that it's ok to have fb with strict rules but not ok to get pissed then no, don't have it ...

Saying that, I wouldn't start a thread on here about it ... wouldn't care what anyone thought tbh

ilovexmastime · 06/07/2013 10:06

I think if you're monitoring their usage properly then it's not that big a deal, and actually, Raven's point about teaching them to use it correctly whilst monitoring it is much better than having them sneak an account when they're 10/11.

ilovexmastime · 06/07/2013 10:10

Also, am I the only person on FB never to have seen anything gruesome or disgusting? Not saying it's not there obviously, but some people seem to see loads and I've never seen any of it.

Eilidhbelle · 06/07/2013 12:12

I don't really understand the point of having Facebook at 6. If they wanted to keep in touch with family etc then why not email? Then they're working on their 'literacy skills' but there's absolutely no danger. Or get them to read a book? I honestly don't get how Facebook solves any problems for you, if you really are having to spend all that time checking it and keeping up with the privacy changes.

SoupDragon · 06/07/2013 12:31

Also, am I the only person on FB never to have seen anything gruesome or disgusting?

No, I haven't either. In my case, it's probably because I only have 14 very select friends.

cardibach · 06/07/2013 13:29

Me neither, ilovexmastime. Again, probably because all my friends are ...well...friends, or family.

DD has had account since just before she was 13. She is 17 now and has not had any problem with bullying etc either - for the same reasons, I'm guessing.

I know there is horrible stuff on fb, and I know people do get bullied on it, but I think sensible use does limit this.

kali110 · 07/07/2013 12:41

Its for over 13 yo for a reason. Im shocked they are allowed accounts at 6 yo. Theres no need. They can ring or even write to their cousins/friends they don't need fb. My privacy settings are also set to high however i still get random inboxes from people i don't know, probably because my friends settings are not as high as mine.
People moan about fb and the internet are a danger to children but i think problem comes down to the parents because of examples like this.
I dont think its a good example to set your children. It may only be a little rule you are breaking but what happens when they are older and they break bigger rules? How can you tell them its wrong when you have already broken the rules by allowing your underage children to have fb accounts.
Fb can cause lots of trouble for people, your little ones may not be able to cope with difficult situations. You may think they would tell you about any weirdos but they can be fooled into thinking they would be in trouble. They are too young.

secondchances · 07/07/2013 13:45

What's wrong with using Skype on your account? Why did you have to set up a facebook account, lie about their age & then spend time drumming rules into them about facebook when you could have just asked family to set up Skype & make time to see if your kids to chat to them? 6? really? dd is coming up 7 & she doesn't even know what facebook is. Why can't kids be kids anymore?

Soapysuds64 · 07/07/2013 13:59

When my dd was 8, she was looking at a harmless video on the Brownies / girlguiding site. However, whoever had made this video put a link to her other work......a video in post apocalyptic times, with drug taking, two children being abandoned in a forest and befriended by an old man.....a direct link from the brownies site. I reported it to them and it was swiftly removed. She is now 11 and I have just allowed her fb access. Of course I will monitor her, but the dangers are everywhere on the Internet, not just Facebook.

TimeofChange · 07/07/2013 14:18

Whether you are FB friends or not, you can view many peoples' accounts and photos which can be questionable.
There are some quite inappropriate photos on FB accessable to all.

My friend's daughter has been in trouble for sending pictures of herself to boys. She started this age 10.
It doesn't help that her mother has glamour photos of herself as profile pictures.

GiveItYourBestShot · 07/07/2013 14:18

Ilovexmastime one of my friends posted a picture of a group of men holding a decapitated cat - one of those "share and let's find these scum" threads. It was horrible to see and also quite out of character for him. Thankfully he hasn't done it again, I don't want to block him! I'm equally bothered by the fact FB keeps suggesting I would find a group called "Seeing your ex with an ugly cunt" amusing. No, really I wouldn't. Not sure how to deal with that!

biryani · 07/07/2013 14:35

I'd stay well clear. Especially at such a young age.

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