letting my kids have Facebook?

[MummaEss]

I know this might be a bit controversial but I just want to know any rational arguments against kids having a facebook account.

My girls have had accounts from the age of 6. They have older sisters (my step daughters from their Dads first marriage) who live elsewhere and although we are all close as a family and see each other regularly, facebook was a fantastic way for the sisters to keep in touch. My eldests best friend moved miles away and she was able to keep in touch with him, share photos etc via Facebook, and they remain firm friends despite seeing each other once a year. Also, the amount of reading, typing, spelling etc involved in using FB is surely beneficial to literacy development?. Also, back in the day it stopped the kids from wreaking my work on Farm Town ;)

I know lots of people think that having kids on social networking leaves them vulnerable to all sorts of predatory people but I fail to see this if the necessary precautions are taken. My girls (at least when they were little) were told that they were not to add people. I added close friends and family to their accounts and sorted privacy so no one else could see their inane posts. MY friends and family have also been told to just block them if they become annoying. Also, my kids know that although they may read (and hear...quite often) swear words they are not to repeat them EVER!

Basically I just want to know what the massive problem is? Opinions please :)

[TheFallenNinja]

To be fair the OP is just trying to justify her position. Fair play.

I await the AIBU where she describes the horrible stuff her child has found on Facebook and how it's anyone's fault but her own.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Facebook for kids as young as 6 is sheer lunacy! I am pretty laid back at most things but why on earth would you let a six year old on a social network site......and who would want a six year old on there as a friend.

Still I suppose cyber bullying and all that.....start em young and toughen them up

[mummymeister]

a couple of issues here. one you lied to set up their account. how are you going to counter them in future when they lie to you, you tell them off and they come back with "yeah and you lied to set up our facebook". if you believe that age limits don't apply to your kids then will this be the case for alcohol, sex, driving etc as they get older. after all having a drink at 12 wont harm them will it OP!! or smoking perhaps. the age limit on fb is there for a reason. you might control what they do at home but mobile devices have the internet, they could log on anywhere and see who knows what and yes viewing vile images on the internet does have a damaging effect but probably again this is a "rule" you don't agree with so will choose to ignore. sorry but I just get completely incensed by parents like you. as fallenNinja says I am waiting for your next post in a couple of years. want to keep in touch with their cousins - a telephone, a letter or post card a visit. it doesn't have to be fb really does it.

[GiveItYourBestShot]

OP is wrong about messaging. Non-friends can message - this from "Learn More about message filtering": "Additionally, someone you're not connected to on Facebook may pay to ensure their message is routed to your inbox instead of your Other folder."

[painforlife]

sorry OP but I agree with all that say it is absurd that u would allow a 6 yr old to use FB!!! as already said there are other ways of communication that will work just as well. I doubt even you yourself believe the bit about it being developmental for literary. I really think you should use this thread as a wake up call & immediately de activate your kids FB accounts.

[ravenAK]

Well, I'm not the OP, but in answer to your point re: lying about ages on FB, mummymeister - the absolute first thing I taught my dc about the internet was 'Only a total berk gives out genuine personal info over t'internet. Unless it is clearly unavoidable & in your own interest, eg. you need your DVD delivered to the right address.'

Honestly. If you set up a FB/hotmail/MN account, obviously you fill in a right load of old guff, false DOB included, for the data harvesters. Basic websense.

Equally, I allow some 12 certificate films & don't allow some PGs or indeed Us, for that matter. So that's also me overruling an age restriction. Not convinced that this opens the floodgates to underage drinking, say, - we'll deal with that one on its own merits as it arises.

Re: the point about mobile devices having the internet - yes, & that is precisely why you can't prevent your dc having accounts on FB & other social media sites, the minute you allow them unsupervised access via a phone or a friend's house. It takes approximately 5 minutes to set up that account.

I don't think that the answer to that one is to forbid the use of FB extra, yet cheerfully hand over the latest thing in phone/tablet to a child who has been taught bugger all about e-safety. & yet every year, as a KS3 form tutor, I deal with the fallout from parents complacently assuming that their child isn't using social media because they've been told they are Not Allowed On It.

[Burmillababe]

Its against the rules for a start!! YABvvvU!

[Scuttlebutter]

As an adult user of FB, it also pisses me right off that there are young children in what should be an adult space. Content is shared and issues discussed which is simply not suitable for young DC. I'm not necessarily talking about porn, but things to do with animal cruelty say, or news stories, or events in other people's lives such as bereavement, child illnesses, etc. We have age appropriate segregation of things for very good reasons - to protect DC and to ensure adults can also discuss things without worrying about inadvertently frightening or upsetting a child. To me it's like the difference between John Craven's newsround - news presented in an appropriate way for young DC - and Newsnight - clearly aimed at an adult audience and will occasionally have content/footage that won't be suitable for young DC.

[LookingForwardToMarch]

Actually OP a lovely reminder if the privacy settings fail this morning.

An abusuve ex of mine has had various profiles he has made up blocked.

Including one where he was my niece. He viewed her profile, copied her info and copied her pictures. It looked authentic, I as an adult couldn't tell.

He then proceeded to send a friend request with a message attatched saying that my niece had gotten locked out of her account and made a new one.

Ended up with alot of abuse sent before I could remove him.

Just pointing out it is entirely possible for someone to imitate your childrens friends or family and get on their facebook.

Also the bugger keeps making new profiles and sending messages on them, often through friend requests.

It us entirely possible for your children to be harassed in this way.

(Nasty message when I woke up this morning jigged my memory)

[alcazar]

Ok my main concern would be this: Severeal times on facebook, I have seen some god awful things that friends of mine have commented on. As the pictures had no privacy settings, they came up on my newsfeed. One was of a child being genetically mutilated, one was of a man who had fallen from a great height and had split his whole head in half (obviously dead), another was a video of child porn. The comments said "I have reported this, how disgusting etc," however by commenting it made the video/ pic available to me and all their friends, albeit unintentionally. If your dd has any facebook friends there is no way you can stop this happening and once they have seen such images they will stick with them forever, even if you are there.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

I waited until DS1 was 13, for many of the reasons outlined above.

Within a month, a porn video appeared on his newsfeed (because a friend had commented on it to say it was unnecessary and offensive).

The same week, he had a racist meme appear on his newsfeed (for the same reason).

We had to go through each friend individually and turn off the facility that shows their comments on his newsfeed.

Part of the conditions of him being allowed Facebook are that we will know his current password until he is 16 and will be viewing his account regularly. He has posted nothing that worries me and he keeps on top of his privacy settings. I can't say the same for some of his friends.

[MrsRandom78]

CEOP's (child exploitation and online protection) view is that fb is not a safe environment for those under 13, supervised or not. But your kids your choice - not sure I'd ignore industry experts if it was me tho...

[pumpkinsweetie]

Hmm it all depends on whether you are prepared to monitor & supervise them at all times whilst using it?
My dd is 10yo, she has asked to go on fb, but i won't allow because she isn't 13, nor can i supervise at all times as i have other dc.

One of my closet friends allowed her dd 12yo to use fb, it ended in disaster. Her dd was found to be chatting to someone who was thought to be a young lad, she was even seconds away from meeting him alone but luckily her best friend stopped her. Later on my friend looked at her messages, they were explicit and very rude & my friend called the police. The 'boy' turned out to be a middle aged man who was grooming her through private message. Needless to say her dd is not allowed access to fb anymore.
If she had gone to meet him, it doesn't bare thinking about.
Let this be a warning

[LookingForwardToMarch]

Op has gone.

Think she may have just wanted people to congratulate her on being uber modern.

See my situation upthread op, privacy settings don't mean squat on facebook if someone decides to target you.

Putting your very young kids online and maybe at risk...

How sensible.

[Kafri]

Part of the terms and conditions of FB are that you will not use it under the age of 13.
Yes I have read scanned them for work purposes. Thankfully this meant that I was being paid to read through them.

So, on that criteria alone YABU.

[imademarion]

Do you remember the kids at school in the 80's who were not allowed to watch telly?

What exactly was your point here? That you gave them FB at 6 to avoid them feeling left out at school? Surely every child in their class is not on FB too?

There are better ways to build a child's self-esteem than allowing them access to social networking that, even if technically competent, they are woefully emotionally and socially under-equipped to manage.

If they want to keep in touch with family, email or a lovely old-fashioned letter is far safer at that age.

We didn't have TV in the 80s btw. It certainly hasn't held me back socially or career wise. And I've never felt the need to overcompensate by exposing my DC to inappropriate forms of social media.

[pumpkinsweetie]

And not only is there grooming at play on fb, but also bullying, don't forget it is the perfect place for bullies to harrass and distress their victim.

[Kiwiinkits]

I think it is entirely wrong for your children to be on FB, simply for this reason. The rule is that they have to be 13+. Kids talk to each other and will soon know that mummy broke the rules for them. You've basically showed them that rules are not to be respected. Good luck telling them they're not allowed to play CarCrashViolentXXX video games or buy alcohol until they're 18. You parent by your actions and your actions are saying they can flaunt the rules and you don't mind at all.

[Nanny0gg]

I don't understand parents who say that it's ok for their underage children to have FB accounts 'because we monitor them and check weekly (or whatever).

Isn't that locking the stable door after the horse has bolted? Unless you're watching their every move on there it can easily be too late to stop inappropriate/offensive stuff appearing.

If you want to improve their literacy skills (LOL) e-mail and pen and paper works very well.

[Kiwiinkits]

Oh. MummyMeister said it before me.

[thegreylady]

My older grandchildren were only allowed accounts on condition they added me as a friend! They had to wait till 12/13 though. I don't think the little ones have even heard of facebook-they are 4 and 6.

[D0oinMeCleanin]

My 10yo has FB to keep in touch with her aunt and see pictures of her baby cousin.

We set it up because we were sick of her using our accounts to send "Call Me Maybe" lyrics in various languages to her aunt.

Her privacy settings are as high as they can be. I check them weekly and log into her account every few days to see what she's been up to. The only incident we've had is when she commented on a picture another cousin had added asking people if her new dress made her look fat, dd1 replied "It's not the dress that makes you look fat. You should start doing running" I made her apologise and that was that.

Of course there is the things Scuttle commented on but it's a bit late to protect dd1 from child illness or bereavement, sadly she has lived through both of these first hand. She is acutely aware that small children can become ill and die or can lose their parents to illness, accidents, suicide . And I refuse to hide animal abuse from her. She does see it because it pops up on my news feed often. I am open and honest with her about it. She seems to handle it well. I never see child porn or any other kind of porn on my news feed. I used to occasionally but these people were promptly blocked by me.

Her account is used mainly to send me and her aunts pictures of things she "needs" us to buy her and to send pictures of her new dress/shoes to her friends and to share pictures of her baby cousin with her school friends.

[Whathaveiforgottentoday]

So much bullying goes on thorough Facebook now I'd be dubious allowing it at 13 let alone 6.

[LookingForwardToMarch]

The animal abuse pictures that occasionally pop up on my news feed make me feel sick, disturbed and stick in my head.

And I wouldn't describe myself as a sensitive adult.

To be honest the idea if a child having to process those pictures invokes the same feelings.

[LookingForwardToMarch]

Idea *of a child