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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want my MIL to give my daughter an ice-cream everytime she picks her up after school?

125 replies

Millietj · 05/07/2013 10:34

My MIL picks my daughter up from school on average twice a week - gives her sweets in the car home, then a biscuit and milk and then an ice-cream (not a little mini milk - yesterday she had a whole 99 cone - she's only five! On Monday it was a Magnum - not a full size one but still I'd struggle to eat a full one!) I pick her up at 5pm, take her home and we have dinner. Daughter has school dinners and they always have puddings.. So that's two puddings at least twice a week. I always let her have a treat after dinner - perhaps 5 smarties or something reasonable and tummy-size appropriate (sorry I know that sounds knobbish! but you know what I mean). My husband feels the same about this. We're not nazis at all about food and treats - she's very lucky with treats but surely all this ice-cream/biscuits/sweets before her dinner can't be nutritionally good for her???

I know grandparents are allowed to spoil children and if it was a one-off thing then we'd absolutely turn a blind eye and even appreciate the spoiling but it's a regular occurence.

Should we say something or are we being overly sensitive about it? I just want her to have as healthy a lifestyle as possible..

Would appreciate any thoughts just in case H and I are wrong about this.

Thanks.
M

OP posts:

GlobalWarning · 05/07/2013 12:48

at single chocolate button. Why bother? And seriously OP, chat to her. It probably is too much

ImNotBloody14 · 05/07/2013 12:49

Im looking after my friends dcs this week and twice weve gotten ice cream after lunch ( around 3ish). Its been warm and we've been out running about and it just seemed like a nice treat to cool them down. I really dont think it's excessive tbh. Its a treat. A nice one and they're all healthy dcs ( my own two are with us aswell so it wasnt like i wouldnt do it with my own) who ate their dinner in the evening.

MrsOakenshield · 05/07/2013 12:51

I think you sound lovely, OP, and are just trying to get it right with both your MiL and your DD. Without knowing the size of everything it's difficult to judge, but I would guess that if she still eats her dinner (without pud) and isn't putting on weight then it's fine, and a lovely grandma treat.

I could easily eat a whole Magnum. I was a bit annoyed to have to share mine yesterday with DD, but she really is a bit too wee to have a whole one to herself (3.5) and it was my bribe to get her out of the paddling pool in the park. Was lovely though, a chocolate caramel one, yum yum yum.

TanglednotTamed · 05/07/2013 12:57

Why bother with the single choc button, Global? Because it makes them happy! Why give them an entire pack of chocolate buttons when they are perfectly happy with one?

They do have bigger amounts of chocolate at other times, this is just an after dinner ritual. A bit like having an After-Eight could be, I suppose!

kelda · 05/07/2013 12:57

I wouldn't have a problem with this. In fact, it's more likely my MIL has a problem with me giving my own children ice creams/cake.

They are all health, very active and very skinny, we're talking first percentile for weight, so verging on underwieght.

I let them have either a cake or ice cream every day. In fact today, they will have both a cake (croissants for mid morning snack), and later this afternoon they will all have an ice cream - mini magnums or a mini cornetto. We don't have desserts after dinner.

FlipertyJibbert · 05/07/2013 13:06

What i dont understand is why you havent already mentioned it to your MIL. I would have asked if she could please only give one small treat per day ages ago.
I didn't like my DC's grazing after school either. I liked them to have a small snack straight after school and then eat properly at supper time.
I also wouldnt want her to be given milk. I think sweets and biscuits and icecream and milk would ruin anyone's appetite.

If, having spoken to your MIL,she carries on regardless then you can come and have a proper MIL rant on MN.

JRmumma · 05/07/2013 13:09

I also dont think you are being unreasonable or moany by coming on MN to ask for opinions OP. I think thats a bit unfair of people to suggest you are being a whiner and should just get over yourself. Its YOUR child we are talking about and if you are unhappy about her diet when with Granny then you are entitled to ask that it be changed. I certainly would be doing that!

PattieOfurniture · 05/07/2013 13:11

Apologies in advance if this sounds a bit self pitying

But, I watched my grandad die yesterday, he was known to my dc and nieces and nephews as grandad ice cream, as he always gave them one whenever they visited (quite often too)
I would give anything to have him back here giving them ice creams

Life is so precious

SaucyJack · 05/07/2013 13:19

I do actually agree with you. A treat per day is lovely, but pudding then sweets then biscuits then ice cream then smarties is excessive for a five year old.

Mumsyblouse · 05/07/2013 13:25

Aww, Pattie I know what you mean, sorry about your grandad, I certainly associate my grandparents with certain foods and treats.

greensmoothiegoddess · 05/07/2013 13:34

Op I am another one who agrees with your concern and I do think you should say something. I see kids at primary school and slight chubbiness is the new norm. It's rather alarming as this wasn't the case, say, 10 years ago. A slim child is a rarity in our parts. I am convinced that junk food grazing is the main culprit.

By the way, half a tube of Smarties is 89 calories. This labelling is very sneaky as it looks like it is 89 calories for the whole tube so tiny is the small print. Crikey that's nearly 200 calories. So I totally get the 5 Smarties thing. VERY sensible!

FlipertyJibbert · 05/07/2013 13:37

The best thing to do would be to teach your DD to say no to extra treats. She s not too young.

I used to tell my kids, from a young age, that it was reaonable to have one treat each day and that they could choose what it was. Obviously there were lots of occasions where exceptions were made but generally they kept to the one treat a day 'rule'. I told them to make sure they really enjoyed their treat
Now they are in their late teens and early twenties they still, mostly, stick to one treat a day. Although, obviously at their age it is up to them what eat.

I also 'let' them have a fizzy drink once a week at the pub. It made meals out a proper treat for them.

3MonthMaid · 05/07/2013 13:56

YABU using the term "Nazi".

YABU about the ice cream too. Big deal....

Original poster

Millietj · 05/07/2013 14:09

Pattie, so sorry about your grandad and your post didn't come across as self-pitying at all. It's a valid point and reminds me that grandparents are supposed to spoil!

3monthmaid - thanks for your incredibly insightful input.

OP posts:

mummytime · 05/07/2013 14:09

My children do eat a lot of sweets, ice creams most days etc. And are stick thin! The DDs do a reasonable amount of exercise, DS I have no idea where he puts it, but I suspect if he's busy he just doesn't eat.

However OP I wonder about your relationship with food, if you think 5/10 smarties is a treat or couldn't eat a magnum (especially if a multi-buy one rather than an ice-cream can one, as they seem to be smaller).

Also my DC would leave half of it if it was too much. They have a much healthier relationship with food than me.

The overweight children I know have an unhealthy diet all around and are restricted from exercise.

Beechview · 05/07/2013 14:10

I think that sounds like too much sugar - puddings, sweets, biscuit, ice cream, treat all in one day a couple of times a week.

Have a word with mil to see if she can cut back two of the treats and leave it to one?

NoComet · 05/07/2013 14:11

What a lot of fuss over two ice creams a week.

Honestly just give her less tea.

Original poster

Millietj · 05/07/2013 14:18

Mummytime, you're very thoughtful but please don't worry or wonder about my relationship with food. I suspect you haven't read all of my posts as I'm sure you'd understand, if you had, that I had a very healthy "relationship" with food. Actually, healthy probably isn't the right word as I eat too much sweet stuff but my appetite is a healthy one as is my weight. And just because someone is thin doesn't mean they're healthy. My issue isn't (and never will be I hope) with her weight - it's about her insides and her general health - sugar levels etc...

StarBallBunny, you clearly haven't read all the posts either - it's not just two icecreams a week but as you're so quick to write me off as "making a lot of fuss" I can't actually be bothered to inform you.

Sorry if I haven't responded to all the decent replies - thanks for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 05/07/2013 14:18

Millie you could also check what kinds of puddings are on offer at school because that might make you feel better too - at our school at least a couple of times a week, pudding consists of fresh fruit and/or yoghurt.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 05/07/2013 14:25

I think you sound lovely op you clearly want to find a balance that suits everyone without upsetting people and/or depriving your child.

It's so great that your mil loves your dd , helps out and wants to treat her and yes that's what grand parents do. BUT, it does sound excessive. I know if it was my dd who can at times have a sparrows appetite all that before fibber would fill her up ,leaving very little room for tea. Some kids can quite happily devour a supermarket and still eat dinner snack and drink a gallon of milk before bed and if you have one of those children then I'd say not to worry. However if your dd just picks at tea and is filling up on these ice creams biscuits and sweets then I think you do need to impose a limit. Once a week and maybe it wouldn't be worth it but any more than that and it does eat into your chance to give balancedmeals. She didn't say she wants no treats just less and portion appropriate. That's reasonable request ini

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 05/07/2013 14:26

IMO not ini

StickyProblem · 05/07/2013 14:26

Last time I checked (a long time ago) I was allowed 20 weightwatchers points a day (I'm sure they've changed how they calculate it all since) and a full-size Magnum was about 30 points -a day and a half of an overweight dieting adults allowance. Those things are huge in terms of calories and fat! YABU to find a whole one a bit much (although in my family we now eat too many Mini Magnums)!

ladymariner · 05/07/2013 14:35

I think you sound lovely Op, wanting opinions before deciding whether to chat to your mil. Thats why you have a great relationship with her and long may it continue.

Personally I don think there is a problem, if you feel she is having too many treats whilst with her GP then simply miss out the treat after tea. My parents have always spoiled my ds, he had a sweetie jar there and ice cream on tap, so we were careful what we gave him and it was all fine. It's not worth upsetting her over this

Just an aside though to the poster who gives a solitary chocolate button as a treat, I do think that's miserly to coin a phrase from earlier. Be very careful they don't rebel and go the other way as they get older, in the primary school I work at there are several children with food issues.....at parties etc they are obsessed with getting as much sugar etc down their necks as possible. It's quite scary to see.......just saying xx

MsMunch · 05/07/2013 14:36

Yeah I think it is too much, the ice cream alone sure but not the sweets, biscuits then ice cream. Our in laws do it and we reign them in but it's a battle. They will hand out a bowl of Pringles and a choc bar half an hour before tea! Lemonade or juice by the half pint...oddly they were not at all like this with dh as a boy.

They are really proud that the dc eat all sorts and are adventurous in restaurants but only offer them deep fried junk at their house. They have some compulsive panic over indulging, mean well but...

Ifcatshadthumbs · 05/07/2013 14:42

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time OP everyone is fixated on the 5 smarties! I don' t do any kind of pudding after tea, which I think stems from the fact that we never had it as kids. It would just never occur to me tbh.

Personally I think sweets, biscuits and ice cream in one day is excessive, particularly if she's had pudding at school.

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