AIBU to not want my MIL to give my daughter an ice-cream everytime she picks her up after school?

[Millietj]

My MIL picks my daughter up from school on average twice a week - gives her sweets in the car home, then a biscuit and milk and then an ice-cream (not a little mini milk - yesterday she had a whole 99 cone - she's only five! On Monday it was a Magnum - not a full size one but still I'd struggle to eat a full one!) I pick her up at 5pm, take her home and we have dinner. Daughter has school dinners and they always have puddings.. So that's two puddings at least twice a week. I always let her have a treat after dinner - perhaps 5 smarties or something reasonable and tummy-size appropriate (sorry I know that sounds knobbish! but you know what I mean). My husband feels the same about this. We're not nazis at all about food and treats - she's very lucky with treats but surely all this ice-cream/biscuits/sweets before her dinner can't be nutritionally good for her???

I know grandparents are allowed to spoil children and if it was a one-off thing then we'd absolutely turn a blind eye and even appreciate the spoiling but it's a regular occurence.

Should we say something or are we being overly sensitive about it? I just want her to have as healthy a lifestyle as possible..

Would appreciate any thoughts just in case H and I are wrong about this.

Thanks.
M

[Drhamsterstortoise]

I was in Switzerland a few years ago and noticed that all the families with young kids in the park had picnics with lovely healthy snacks and lots of fresh fruit.We all noticed how few overweight people there were.Noticed the same in Australia.When I take mine to the beach or park here I see a lot of sugary drinks and crisps and sweets.There's just no need.

[JazzDalek]

YANBU, that is far too much sugar and I'd have put my foot down long ago. It's not just about weight, it's about health. No way would my kids be allowed biscuits, sweets and ice-cream all in one day, and before dinner, at that.

Constantly amazed at the amount of rubbish people give their children, and it is so prevalent that my DCs feel hard done-by. Especially now it's summer and they are always playing outside with the (overweight) kids next door, with their constant supply of sugary artificial crap.

Don't even get me started on the fucking school paying lip-service to healthy eating but handing out Haribos and lollipops as rewards every chance they get

I do agree with a PP that our perception of a healthy weight is becoming skewed. Watching the kids come out of school at pick-up time (which I have to because DD is ALWAYS the last one out) it's obvious that many of them are overweight or on their way there. Unsurprising given the number of mums, dads and grannies waiting to pick them up with bags of sweets and crisps in hand.

[Drhamsterstortoise]

I'm with you op.I think one or two treats a day is fine but sometimes it gets a bit much.My dd is a fussy eater and it's only made worse by the fact that everywhere she goes she is offered sweets and lollipops.There has to be a limit.You are not being mean.You are the parent.Could your husband say it to granny?I know grandparents love to spoil grandchildren with treats but in my case dd sees both sets of grandparents almost every day!Also agree with another poster who said that treats do not always have to be food.I know a child whose granny picks her up from school every day and brings her straight over to the shop for a big ice cream and then it's home for chips and pizza.The child is very overweight and I think it's very unfair.What child is going to say no thanks!I completely understand where you are coming from.You are trying to find a balance.

[Mumsyblouse]

I used the word roughage to indicate fibre, and whilst large amounts may be irritating (also if you have IBS not good), you have to have enough for very practical reasons. My dd has now learned why you need to eat some vegetables or salad with every meal, and fruit as well in moderation, if you don't want to have horrible constipation. Quite a practical consequence and much better than trying to pretend carrots are treats.

[JRmumma]

If roughage is bad and fruit is evil, are you suggesting arses that we should be buying all of our children's food from the Iceland freezer section, except their daily icecreams, which we should get from somewhere much more artisan as to ensure their cream content?

To suggest f&v isn't good for you is absolutely ridiculous.

[Blissx]

Would appreciate any thoughts just in case H and I are wrong about this.

Just the ones that agree with you OP? Seriously, the way you spoke to malteserzz was really quite rude and uncalled for. However, apart from that I do think YANBU in worrying and there have been some sensible compromises suggested by others. Hope you get the outcome you want

[JRmumma]

Treats don't have to be food! They should more often than not be something else anyway IMO.

[IWipeArses]

I doubt the kids getting enough sat fat actually. Cheap ice cream will have more veg oil than cream n and school dinners will hardly have adequate amounts of sat fat. Fat should make up 30-40% of daily calories, prob more for children actually.

[IWipeArses]

Roughage isn't particularly good for you actually, damaging to the intestines, fruit is much healthier. But it's sweet, so evil.

[Mumsyblouse]

Eating a mini-magnum or a cornetto every day was exactly what pushed my dd2 into being a bit chubby (ok, the ginger biscuits and her failure to eat the 'proper' food in favour of any pudding didn't help). If that's really the only sweet thing a child has in a day, I don't think it will do any harm whatsoever, it's when it is coupled with the sugary breakfast cereal, the pudding at school, the biscuits in the car, the pudding after dinner/snack before bed that it becomes part of a really unhealthy package. Taking away the expectation of a daily ice-cream (not started by me) has helped a lot.

I think the people who think if you don't call these types of foods 'treats' are kidding themselves. You can't pretend to little kids that eating a carrot stick is just as delicious as eating a mini-magnum, it isn't and it's not very authentic to try to pretend otherwise (cue those people whose toddlers prefer carrot sticks- come back when they are teenagers and see if that's still true). I think it's better to talk about how tempting sugar is and how sweet a lot of our food is now, and that there are good reasons to limit it somewhat, and also why eating fruit and veg (veg in particular) is a good idea- stops constipation, roughage good for you, vitamins and so on. Trying to pretend all foods are equal and there is no 'treat' food is fighting a losing battle, IMO of course.

[JRmumma]

Sat fat, or any nutrient is required by our bodies to some extent but we should be trying to stay within recommends amounts as a population. The science of nutrition is obviously more complicated than that if you want to make it so, and different people have different needs. But as a general rule, id say that if a single food item provides more than half of your GDA of sat fat (as someone else suggests above) then you should probably encourage your child to meet their needs from a wider range of foods than just ice cream. Same as they shouldn't regularly get their recommended daily salt intake from a packet of crisps.

[jessjessjess]

OP, you wouldn't eat a whole tube of smarties? Are you one of those people who eat half a bloody chocolate bar and put it in the fridge?

[IWipeArses]

Minimishi, actually it's ll established that saturated fat is not unhealthy, it's just not as widely disseminated as the Flora bullshit about cholesterol being bad for you etc. you think breast milk is poly unsaturated?

[Ducklings45]

YABU!! Just don't give her a treat after dinner on those days! And 5 smarties sounds very mean and controlling, either give her a whole mini pack or none at all!

My dc have a 'treat' after dinner but that's fruit or a yogurt they have a real pudding at the weekend

[Mimishimi]

Depending on portion size of course though. A couple of mini-Magnum's probably wouldn't hurt but fullsize icecreams have more than half your recommended daily intake of saturated fats. Having a few bowls of icecream would be worse.

[Mimishimi]

Pretty sure icecream several times a week is not healthy at all actually. They don't have that many calories, less sugar than a glass of juice, overall fat is highish but not excessive ( not more than the average meal) but of those fats, they are really high proportionally in saturated fats and that's the stuff that accumulates around your internal organs and builds up like plaque in your arteries. So it's possible that you could eat several a week and look fine if you are burning the calories but have huge problems down the line with heart related troubles.

[mynameisnotmichaelcaine]

MIL and my Dad give mine far too many treats. As a consequence, they hardly ever have any from me. Fruit for pudding, ice creams only if we aren't seeing Granny that week. If they ask for treats at home, I say, yep fine, but there won't be sweets at Granny's.

It used to really irritate me, and still rankles tbh, but would rather have their spoiling attitude than FIL, who shows no interest in them whatsoever. Step-mum is closest in step to me, and treats them to exciting fruit like mango, or home-made popcorn.

YANBU re the five Smarties btw. I would still not give mine a whole packet and dd is 10. They are designed as adult portions.

[pianodoodle]

My opinion would be it's a bit too much but everyone has their own ideas.

If it's more than you'd like her to have MIL sounds like she'd understand and I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to limit the sweets etc... A bit.

[roundtable]

I'm with you op.

[JRmumma]

P*ssing myself here at the comparison of icecream and breastmilk!

[exoticfruits]

It sounds as if it has been going in for sometime and yet you haven't spoken to her about it.
She sounds lovely and not at all 'difficult'- why not just try a friendly chat when you are both relaxed ?

[mrscog]

You sound lovely OP but food threads always tend to end up hostile. Here's my opinion:

Discount the school puddings - they're small and assuming your Dd is active, probably burnt off and forgotten about by the end of the lunch break.

I wouldn't allow any eating in the car whilst driving due to the choking risk, plus I think it's a bad habit unless absolutely necessary in a hurry.

I wouldn't worry about the ice cream size - if I bit all the chocolate off my 16mo (who's a bit smaller than average) could polish off a magnum - if you melted it down the volume would be similar to a glass of milk (200ml I think).

I would possibly ask mil to not give any more treats that day if Dd had had a full size ice cream - seems enough for one day.

Ps - would you really struggle to eat a whole magnum??! Do you just not like ice cream that much? That's the only but of your post that's unreasonable!! :)

[BubaMarra]

In the summer we have only icecreams as sweets. If you look at calories AND nutritional content, ice cream is way better than most of other sweets.

[claraschu]

This would really bother me too. Limiting sugar is one of the things that people on here get very self righteous and judgemental about (you are a horrible parent if you try to keep your kids from thinking sugar is the most wonderful treat on the planet).

If MIL is a reasonable person, you should be able to talk to her about this.

[Groovee]

My MIL told me a story about how every Saturday her MIL would take DH out (he was around 1) and get him a cream horn from the bakers. She said she used to cringe but she said there are something's you just have to let go over your head and it's true sometimes. You do just have to let it go and be grateful that they have each other and a lovely relationship.