AIBU to not want my MIL to give my daughter an ice-cream everytime she picks her up after school?

[Millietj]

My MIL picks my daughter up from school on average twice a week - gives her sweets in the car home, then a biscuit and milk and then an ice-cream (not a little mini milk - yesterday she had a whole 99 cone - she's only five! On Monday it was a Magnum - not a full size one but still I'd struggle to eat a full one!) I pick her up at 5pm, take her home and we have dinner. Daughter has school dinners and they always have puddings.. So that's two puddings at least twice a week. I always let her have a treat after dinner - perhaps 5 smarties or something reasonable and tummy-size appropriate (sorry I know that sounds knobbish! but you know what I mean). My husband feels the same about this. We're not nazis at all about food and treats - she's very lucky with treats but surely all this ice-cream/biscuits/sweets before her dinner can't be nutritionally good for her???

I know grandparents are allowed to spoil children and if it was a one-off thing then we'd absolutely turn a blind eye and even appreciate the spoiling but it's a regular occurence.

Should we say something or are we being overly sensitive about it? I just want her to have as healthy a lifestyle as possible..

Would appreciate any thoughts just in case H and I are wrong about this.

Thanks.
M

[IWipeArses]

Ice cream is very nutritious, fats, carbs, protein, just what a healthy five year old needs. Unless she's on a diet?

[mummytime]

A Magnum is 260 calories or 6 WW points, I have no idea wher 30 could have come from.

However OP I would probably suggest she gets boxes of the mini ones, and gives bread etc. or fruit as a snack if you DD is hungry (my children have also been known not to eat at school).

[JRmumma]

iwipearses not sure i agree there. But its not about healthy/unhealthy foods, its about a balance and overall healthy or unhealthy diet and a little bit of anything isnt bad for you, but if OP thinks these treats are making the balance of her daughters diet wrong then maybe a bit less of the nutritious icecream????

[IWipeArses]

You can't get much more balanced than ice cream, it's like breastmilk.
Is she getting fat, is that the problem?

[kelda]

'You can't get much more balanced than ice cream, it's like breastmilk. '

Not unless it's actually made from breastmilk!

[babyhmummy01]

Some of the posts on here are crazy!!!!

Op if your relationship with ur mil is as good as you say then have a quiet word with her, ask her to either give dd the sweets or an ice cream but not both if that makes you more comfortable.

I really think ppl ate fixating on the wrong issues here. How the op chooses to treat her kid is entirely her business. The question was should she approach mil or not. It's quite simple to me, if mil is going against the op's parenting then she needs talking to. End of.

[IWipeArses]

Kendall,it is. Cows breasts.

[FlipertyJibbert]

It is odd that everyone is going on about the excess calories, I would be more concerned about the amount of sugar and teeth decay. I would worry about calories if it were spoiling her appetite or if there were weight issues.

If the OPs DD is having sugary treats over an extendeded timescale it's bad for her teeth.

[PaperSeagull]

It does sound as though your DD is eating an awful lot of sweets, what with Granny's treats, puddings at school, dessert after dinner at home. If you are really concerned about a possible sugar overload, you could do a packed lunch without sweets and cut out the dessert after dinner. Alternatively, you could ask your MIL not to give your DD any treats, or to cut back to one ice cream a week or whatever. But if I were in your shoes, I'd implement the first option. It is always easier to control one's own behavior than to try to place restrictions on someone else (even in the nicest possible way). And grandparents often want to treat their grandchildren, so I can understand your MIL's impulse.

[RightsaidFreud]

I hate this idea of sweets etc being given to children being called 'treats'. They aren't dogs.

[IWipeArses]

But Fred, the children will spoil if they have a pleasant time often.

[Sirzy]

I know what Fred means, it's part of a healthy balanced diet. Making something a "treat" somehow makes it more desirable to a child.

[AaDB]

Yanbu.

My ds had pudding after his school lunch and after his dinner, and always has. Ice cream could be a pre dinner treat.

Your dd does not need a treat in the car, milk and biscuits, an ice cream and who knows what else. It's way too much.

I'm also going to go against common opinion. Grand parents should help parent. Most adults should understand that this much junk food isn't healthy. Neither is the message that gps are there to provide unhealthy food choices as a alternative way of showing love.

We don't have family support. Over indulgence is as bad as neglect. GPS giving my ds a massive bag of Haribo just before a long car journey and enough toys to satisfy him on xmas morning says a lot about their issues.

[HabitualLurker]

I've not read the whole thread, but agree with those saying that it's not so much the excess of treats now (and sorry, but I do think ice-cream twice a week every week is too much) but the eating habits it instils for adulthood.
I'm obviously in the minority, but I don't see it as normal to have a sugary treat every day.. doesn't that defy the definition of a treat?
If this is a long term arrangement I'd have a tactful discussion with your MIL about it. What was your H's upbringing like? Is she treating your D 'cos that's normal in terms of eating habits for her or 'cos she's enjoys the pleasure it gives your DD (I'm not implying that's a crime btw)

[lurkerspeaks]

I'm surprised you would rather she have an ice lolly (frozen sugar water) over ice cream which actually has some nutritional value....

I do however think you could ask your MIL to only do one treat at a time, though.

[witchface]

When i was in primary school i used to go to my grandparents after. They used to eat ridiculously early (hangover from being a farmworker i think) and would give me some or at the very least a sandwich while i was there. I would then go home and get a second tea there.

In secondary although i went home after school i carried on with the sandwiches etc because it was normal by then. No surprise, eating habits shot, got fat. There were other factors but this was a major one - i would find some way to put a stop to it.

[Punkatheart]

I would have agreed with this post when my daughter was little. I WAS a food nazi and when my daughter was old enough - she rebelled hugely. I regret being so rigid. Five Smarties sound much too controlled. But I also agree with arethe - now I make an eton mess if I want to get fruit into my fussy teenage daughter. There is a compromise.

[newryan]

Amazed at the amount of sugary stuff some posters allow their dcs! We don't have pudding as such, they can have fruit after meals if still hungry. The dentist told me this is the best time to give fruit as in between meals it does a lot of damage to teeth. I never buy sweets but the dcs are allowed to buy some with their pocket money if they want to but only on weekends. We sometimes have ice creams at the weekend too, and fizzy drinks only on special occasions.

Sorry but I am amazed that people give sweets every day after dinner! Why????

So no, OP, YANBU! I would say to MIL that the rule is sweets/ice cream only at the weekend, or whatever you want to rule to be. If people give my dcs sweets they know to save them for the weekend.

[thegreylady]

I look after dgs's 4&6 twice a week and the rule is one treat only before tea and one after.The treats are one of the following on each occasion:
mini milk lolly or Calippo
3 jelly babies or mint imperials each
a freddo bar [not dgs1 he doesnt like chocolate or ice-cream or chips!!!]
a bag of hula hoops to share
a Sprite to share
a jammy dodger each

[DamnDeDoubtance]

Could she have a packed lunch on the days she is picked up by her Gran? Then she can have an uber healthy lunch which kinda balances it out.

I don't think Yabu at all and I would and did in my case be having a gentle word with mil.

It's lovely they are spending time together though.

[jenbird]

YANBU. I think if it were just an ice cream then fair enough but not sweets and biscuits too. I am amazed that so many people think it is acceptable to have such high sugar diets and i think that it is wrong that people normalize them.
I think your approach to food and your MIL sound great.

[neunundneunzigluftballons]

OP I can completely understand where you are coming from. My own mother used to give my daughter all sorts of rubbish when she came to visit and wanted to give her all the rubbish firsts when weaning, chocolate, cake, icecream. That was fine since we saw her at most monthly but when we moved nearby when dd was 3 and now she was going to see her weekly or biweekly I told her it had to stop. She was very understanding and is much better now.

As an aside I was on holiday recently and up until then I thought my daughters were very slim but when I saw all of the central European children I was frankly shocked by just how slim the children were and I mean really slim. It reminded me how conditioned we are back home to think fatter children are the norm when in fact that is a symptom of our overeating society.

[Xmasbaby11]

YANBU. I think that is too much for a 5 year old.

I am amazed you couldn't eat a full magnum .. I could eat two !

[Prozacbear]

I think you MIL sounds absolutely lovely - which you obviously appreciate - have a sit down with her and involve her in the 'new plan' going forward, I'm sure between you, you can come to a happy agreement.

Though I have to say, I don't understand this 'treat' thing. DS is only 2.4 and I can't imagine him ever being on a schedule of treats - I don't 'treat' myself, it feels ritualistic. I eat cake, when I feel like it, and want DS to do the same, not fetishising certain foods as treats. That isn't directed at you OP, more of a general observation.

[littlewhitebag]

My mum has just returned from holiday. She took my DD (age 15) and my DN (age 5). According to DD my mum allowed DN to have 5 (yes 5!) ice creams one day. They were AI though so at least they got their moneys worth. DN looked very well on their return.

Honestly - its ice cream. It won't kill them a few time a week.