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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take DPs kids abroad next year?

65 replies

AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 17:04

I'm probably been terribly selfish.

But - Earlier this year DP and I went on a big holiday with my kids. Holiday of a lifetime, ticked off a few bucket list items etc - it cost us a fortune and took an age in planning and organising and my kids totally ruined it. They fought with each other, they nagged constantly, whinged, moaned, complained, misbehaved - at one point we were stood at the foot of the grand canyon and my eldest refused to get out of the car saying he was "bored and too hot" and then added "what's the big deal anyway? it's just a big hole in the ground".

After that I always said I'd never take my kids on holiday again (and if I did, it would be a cheap and easy one). DP however said he'd like to take his kids abroad next year as he felt guilty going on such a great holiday with someone elses kids and not his own. I agreed we should consider it.

Anyway, to cut a long story short my kids are going abroad with their dad next year for a week. It will be the first time I have had a child free week - I will have just qualified and so will, for the first time in years, feel totally free of stress and responsibilty. I was really looking forward to it. I suggested to DP that we go away, just as a couple to a) make the most of the child free time and b) celebrate me qualifying (we'd planned to do this anyway). He agreed.

So I started looking up all inclusive, adult/couples holidays and came across an area of cyprus which seemed perfect. DP also liked it, liked the price and then asked me to add on the cost of his kids "just in case".

I KNOW it's selfish but I want a child free holiday :-( For one thing his kids are classed as adults so it will cost an absolute fortune for all 4 of us to go away meaning I'd have to forget Cyprus and the posh hotel and go for something cheap and cheerful. It also means having the extra responsibility of looking after a disabled (mentally) teenager and the fact that the holiday would then become centered around the boys rather than us.

Don't get me wrong, I DO want to take them away and do nice things with them (great kids, we get on very well) but AIBU to just want that week to ourselves?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 04/07/2013 17:06

yes it is selfish. his kids probably felt pissed off that they missed a holiday when your kids got to go with their dad..

StuntGirl · 04/07/2013 17:07

How old are the kids?

Can you do an adult holiday and book a family holiday later in the year?

StuntGirl · 04/07/2013 17:09

Also: you agreed to consider taking his kids away? How very charitable of you.

It's not his kids fault yours behaved like brats, so yeah it is pretty selfish and you should definitely look at how you can accomodate them.

SybilRamkin · 04/07/2013 17:09

YANBU, but you will probably get flamed! Step-kids, disability and holidays all in one thread - better put on your flame-retardant suit!

Personally I think it sounds like a nightmare, and I think you two deserve a year off from kids on holiday - can you go away together this year and then next year take your DP's kids somewhere child-friendly when you've had time to recover from taking your kids away last year?

soverylucky · 04/07/2013 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/07/2013 17:13

Go on a couples only this year, promise to take his kids next year and arrange for yours to be with their dad again.

Shellywelly1973 · 04/07/2013 17:14

YANBU. Kids don't appreciate the cost etc. It would be better to do 2 holidays. 1 for you & dp. Then dp, you & dp dc...everyone ends up with what they want out of a holiday.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 04/07/2013 17:14

I don't think you are being selfish to want a child free holiday at all, good luck with getting it.

I had one every year with my DH for years, getting grandparents to have the children! Keeps a relationship going.

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 17:16

oh fgs take his children not their fault your own kids moaned and groaned go somewhere for a week with them do they know that you went to America without them ? what does their dad think ? I think you need to consider the teenagers feelings about it maybe they were put out that your kids got a holiday of a life time , I dont know anything about the older kids but maybe their mum needs a break

cantspel · 04/07/2013 17:16

Your kids get to go the the USA and you resent taking his to Greece?

If you can afford to take yours to the USA then you should do something similar for his this year.

Original poster
AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 17:17

Sorry I wasn't clear, I still want to go on holiday with his kids but at another time in the year, I just want that one week to be adults only IYSWIM?

His kids don't miss out, we do stuff with them every weekend, we have bought premiership football season tickets for them so they can go to the game every other weekend and DP is taking them away for a week in summer to a festival.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 04/07/2013 17:18

you didnt say that though you made out you just wanted to go away on your own and not take his kids I think you may have changed it a bit

LIZS · 04/07/2013 17:19

yanbu to want an adult break but not at the expense of one with his dc. If the time/cost of yours prevents the second then yabu.

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 17:19

but when will your kids be able to go to their dads for a week or so again

annielouisa · 04/07/2013 17:19

I sadly think you were unfair to think a holiday of a life time for adults and children equates to the same thing. Are you children usually "bratty" or were they actually bored and bickering?

Does your DH feel sad that the holiday opportunity was offered only to your children? I know how upset my DGC were when my DD3 ex took away his stepDC and said he could not afford to tke them away.

Original poster
AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 17:19

And they go on a yearly holiday with their mum.

Like I say, I do want to take them abroad but I'm really craving an adults only holiday. I've NEVER been abroad without kids in tow and that one week I was so looking forward to being a care-free-adult for the first time.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 04/07/2013 17:20

Still haven't said how old these kids are.

Original poster
AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 17:21

My kids probably won't go on holiday with their dad again, this is the first time he's EVER taken them away - which is why I'm saying it's such a rare opportunity to be child free.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 17:21

DPs kids will be 18 and 17. Mine will be 15 and 13.

OP posts:
ShoutyCrackers · 04/07/2013 17:21

Oh you again

Why don't you actually answer some questions and thank posters on your other thread where you're moaning about this bloke ?

CloudsAndTrees · 04/07/2013 17:23

If you are planning on taking his dc away separately, then that's fine. It's ok to have a child free week, and it's ok to have holidays without children.

It's not ok to spend a fortune on nice holidays for yourself while doing nothing with your children.

I'd take the children away before you go alone though, because it's really not fair for them to see their dad going away twice, especially when one of those times is with someone else's children, before they get taken away themselves.

Original poster
AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 17:23

erm I am answering the other thread!

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 17:24

Ok how about this :

If DP does not want to go on an adults only holiday, how about I suggest he take his kids on holiday and I go away with a mate? or is that even worse?

OP posts:
LIZS · 04/07/2013 17:27

if you aren't going to join them he doesn't need to go that same week , does he ? iiwh I'd opt for a boys only trip anyway as you come across as a bit whingey.

StuntGirl · 04/07/2013 17:34

I'm sure a lot of parents would like some child free time, it isn't always possible, especially with 4 kids. You may just have to suck it up.

But talk to him and the kids first. They may not give a shit if you're there or not, in which case everyone's happy.