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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to take DPs kids abroad next year?

65 replies

AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 17:04

I'm probably been terribly selfish.

But - Earlier this year DP and I went on a big holiday with my kids. Holiday of a lifetime, ticked off a few bucket list items etc - it cost us a fortune and took an age in planning and organising and my kids totally ruined it. They fought with each other, they nagged constantly, whinged, moaned, complained, misbehaved - at one point we were stood at the foot of the grand canyon and my eldest refused to get out of the car saying he was "bored and too hot" and then added "what's the big deal anyway? it's just a big hole in the ground".

After that I always said I'd never take my kids on holiday again (and if I did, it would be a cheap and easy one). DP however said he'd like to take his kids abroad next year as he felt guilty going on such a great holiday with someone elses kids and not his own. I agreed we should consider it.

Anyway, to cut a long story short my kids are going abroad with their dad next year for a week. It will be the first time I have had a child free week - I will have just qualified and so will, for the first time in years, feel totally free of stress and responsibilty. I was really looking forward to it. I suggested to DP that we go away, just as a couple to a) make the most of the child free time and b) celebrate me qualifying (we'd planned to do this anyway). He agreed.

So I started looking up all inclusive, adult/couples holidays and came across an area of cyprus which seemed perfect. DP also liked it, liked the price and then asked me to add on the cost of his kids "just in case".

I KNOW it's selfish but I want a child free holiday :-( For one thing his kids are classed as adults so it will cost an absolute fortune for all 4 of us to go away meaning I'd have to forget Cyprus and the posh hotel and go for something cheap and cheerful. It also means having the extra responsibility of looking after a disabled (mentally) teenager and the fact that the holiday would then become centered around the boys rather than us.

Don't get me wrong, I DO want to take them away and do nice things with them (great kids, we get on very well) but AIBU to just want that week to ourselves?

OP posts:

MaxPepsi · 04/07/2013 17:38

YANBU

Your OP was perfectly clear to me about you wanting time away alone with your DP and taking his kids at a later date.

However, you've now answered how old they are so I don't see why you need to be taking them anywhere. I don't know of any 17/18 year olds who get taken on holiday by their parents, step or otherwise.

Yes, help them out maybe by giving them spends for their own holiday but fork out for the whole thing?

KittyLane1 · 04/07/2013 17:40

Imo yanbu

The kids are old enough to understand these holiday arrangements, in all likelihood the older ones won't want to come with you or of they did they might go off and do their own thing.

You acknowledged that your own two were little terrors and totally deserve time away to relax and unwind. You said DP was taking his two to a festival later? Well that can be their holiday?

I would go away with DP or even with a friend, treat yourself, you deserve it!

helenthemadex · 04/07/2013 18:34

YABU your kids get a holiday of a lifetime during which they act like spoilt brats, your dp's children do not get the same holiday and you dont want to take them away at all. At the age they are it will probably be the last time they will want to go away with you

CloudsAndTrees · 04/07/2013 18:43

Your DP supported you with your children when you wanted to take them away, you should do the same for him.

GoodTouchBadTouch · 04/07/2013 18:49

YANBU. It depends a bit on how long youve known his children for, but God no way would I want a holiday with someone elses teenagers.

Your kids are children, his are adults. Id tell him being a carer to a mentally ill person is not my idea of a relaxing holiday. He can take them another time. I dont know why people are calling you selfish.

LIZS · 04/07/2013 18:53

I don't think op described her dp's ds as mentally ill

GoodTouchBadTouch · 04/07/2013 19:00

Yawn, dont start

Branleuse · 04/07/2013 19:15

how come you didnt take his kids on the holiday of a lifetime???

Salmotrutta · 04/07/2013 19:23

She said mentally disabled (ridiculous phrase) - presumably meaning learning difficulties. Not the same as mentally ill.

OP you need to take his DC away before you go on your "adult" holiday. Anything else is very unfair.

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 19:24

If DP does not want to go on an adults only holiday, how about I suggest he take his kids on holiday and I go away with a mate? or is that even worse?

oh for crying out loud do you not think imagine if he left you to go to America on your own and he went off on a lads break you are a combined family his children are just as important as yours they are a little ibit older don't worry another few years you wont need to take any children anywhere and you sound right moany maybe your kids take after you,

Original poster

AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 19:25

Their mother wouldn't allow them to have a passport last year so dp has not been able to take them abroad since they divorced. She still might not however with the eldest being 18 next year he'll be able to get his own should he want to.

OP posts:

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 19:26

but if they have no passport how can you take them anywhere

Original poster

AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 19:28

Because the eldest wont need his mothers permission to get a passport once he's 18! And we're assuming if he does ... Their mother will allow the youngest to follow

OP posts:

LIZS · 04/07/2013 19:29

but f he already holds a passport (since she takes them away) then he can't get another without declaring it lost/stolen.

MortifiedAdams · 04/07/2013 19:30

Why didnt your whole family go.on the trip of a lifetime?

Fwiw I think kids ideas of 'trip of a lifetime' differs vastly to adults. I couldnt imagine many teens or younger giving a hoot about the Grand Canyon.

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 19:33

but you said his mum takes him away abroad so he does have a passport or his mum doesn't them abroad, these boys are nearly adults she can't keep his passport

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 19:34

I couldnt imagine many teens or younger giving a hoot about the Grand Canyon.

Mine wouldn't either they would say it was too hot and a hole in the ground too, and it mustve cost a fortune not that is anything to do with me but Id have waited untill all the family could go to America

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 19:38

why cant the dad apply for a passport the boy will be 17 ?

WannaBeANinja · 04/07/2013 19:44

why did you not take them to America?

FlipertyJibbert · 04/07/2013 19:45

What does your DP think and have you any idea what his kids think? You may be getting into a tizz over nothing.

His kids are at the age where they may not be coming on many more holidays with you so you will be able to have lots of kids free holidays.

facedontfit · 04/07/2013 19:48

YANBU to want a holiday without children......if only...... and I only have one child

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 19:50

tbh I just think you have your heart set on this no kids holiday and will use every excuse reason for the boys not to go with you, which imo is selfish your dont expect your partner to treat his children as well as yours these boys will be off doing their own thing soon and tbh you can have a holiday then

Jengnr · 04/07/2013 19:50

Yanbu.

dreamingbohemian · 04/07/2013 20:00

I wonder if this seems more complicated than it is?

It sounds like financially, you could afford for the two of you to have an adults-only holiday AND for all of you to have another holiday together. Is that right? if so, what's the problem?

I certainly think there's nothing wrong with an adult-only holiday, and if your DP can't swing it, then take a friend.

The only reason I would say not to is if it meant your DP's children couldn't have a holiday as well. That would be pretty mean.

Bogeyface · 04/07/2013 20:11

On the one hand YADNBU to want a child free week, who wouldnt want that?! But on the other YABVU to take your children on the holiday of a lifetime and then begrudge his a week in Europe.

As a parent sometimes you have to do things you dont want to, and as a step parent you can multiply that by 100.

Take them, I would be very upset and angry if I was your DP and you said no.

And "what's the big deal anyway? it's just a big hole in the ground". made me snort! I am with your DS on that one I am afraid :o

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