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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to take DPs kids abroad next year?

65 replies

AnnieMonkee · 04/07/2013 17:04

I'm probably been terribly selfish.

But - Earlier this year DP and I went on a big holiday with my kids. Holiday of a lifetime, ticked off a few bucket list items etc - it cost us a fortune and took an age in planning and organising and my kids totally ruined it. They fought with each other, they nagged constantly, whinged, moaned, complained, misbehaved - at one point we were stood at the foot of the grand canyon and my eldest refused to get out of the car saying he was "bored and too hot" and then added "what's the big deal anyway? it's just a big hole in the ground".

After that I always said I'd never take my kids on holiday again (and if I did, it would be a cheap and easy one). DP however said he'd like to take his kids abroad next year as he felt guilty going on such a great holiday with someone elses kids and not his own. I agreed we should consider it.

Anyway, to cut a long story short my kids are going abroad with their dad next year for a week. It will be the first time I have had a child free week - I will have just qualified and so will, for the first time in years, feel totally free of stress and responsibilty. I was really looking forward to it. I suggested to DP that we go away, just as a couple to a) make the most of the child free time and b) celebrate me qualifying (we'd planned to do this anyway). He agreed.

So I started looking up all inclusive, adult/couples holidays and came across an area of cyprus which seemed perfect. DP also liked it, liked the price and then asked me to add on the cost of his kids "just in case".

I KNOW it's selfish but I want a child free holiday :-( For one thing his kids are classed as adults so it will cost an absolute fortune for all 4 of us to go away meaning I'd have to forget Cyprus and the posh hotel and go for something cheap and cheerful. It also means having the extra responsibility of looking after a disabled (mentally) teenager and the fact that the holiday would then become centered around the boys rather than us.

Don't get me wrong, I DO want to take them away and do nice things with them (great kids, we get on very well) but AIBU to just want that week to ourselves?

OP posts:

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/07/2013 20:40

Its interesting, do you ever wonder where your children get their spoilt selfish streak from?

ProperStumped · 04/07/2013 22:20

You really think she is spoiled and selfish for wanting a holiday without having to look after children??

mumofthemonsters808 · 04/07/2013 22:32

Your OH's children deserve a holiday with their Dad. I can understand your request for a child free holiday, wouldn't we all like one.The time will eventually come when you are both child free but in the meantime you should at least try and accommodate your OH's request.

dontgowadingin · 04/07/2013 23:20

Ive actually changed my mind the more I read this thread. At first I was [shocked] but when I found out the ages of DP kids I can sort of understand.

I stopped taking my dd1 away when she was 16 as she sulked and we argued a lot and ruined the holiday. TBH I would really resent paying for an 18 year old. My DD1 is 18 and works full time and has paid for 2 girls holidays herself this year so I probably would want to say no.

Did your DP help you pay for your kids in big holiday last year? why didn't his kids go with you then?

I think your going to have to fore go the fancy hotel and have two cheaper ones. One for you and DP and one for his kids. I would state though that after this year NO kids would be ever going.

SanityClause · 04/07/2013 23:31

Friends of mine took their DC on a "trip of a lifetime" to America.

They now tell the tale of the children saying "not more rocks" every time they went somewhere new.

But that aside, I do think YABU.

Your DP doesn't have many more chances to go on holiday with his DC. Your own DC will grown up before you know it, and there'll be plenty of time for adult only breaks.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/07/2013 06:27

ProperStumped

I think that she is selfish for not wantiong to allow her DP to have the last (given their ages) family holiday with his children

Inertia · 05/07/2013 06:45

If you can afford it, I think it's reasonable to plan a child free holiday for that week, then take the teenagers away somewhere more suitable another time.

exoticfruits · 05/07/2013 07:00

Why not go for a lovely childfree long weekend and then have a week later on with his DCs?

flipchart · 05/07/2013 07:56

YANBU

As much as I like holidays with the family I love going away with just DH or just mymates.

I think your mistake was taking your kids on such a fab and expensive holiday when they apparently didn't enjoy it. There is now the same expectation to do the same or similar for DH's kids.

Bogeyface · 05/07/2013 08:07

I think your mistake was taking your kids on such a fab and expensive holiday when they apparently didn't enjoy it. There is now the same expectation to do the same or similar for DH's kids.

Its not an unreasonable expectation though is it? And it is hardly his childrens fault that the OPs kids were rude and ungrateful.

His children must feel very pushed out. Her kids get the trip of a lifetime to America and the following year they might get a very begrudged week on a package holiday.

flipchart · 05/07/2013 09:34

Bogeyface I agree with you.
Both sets of children should have the same or similar expierence s.
What I was saying is that Anie raised the bar very high with the first holiday with her children and to keep things fair something similar has to be replicated. That's what I meant by her mistake.

Of course I'm not saying she shouldn't have taken her kids to the Grand Canyon but before booking it her and fer DP should have thought can we afford to do something like this for a second time.

cory · 05/07/2013 13:04

I think you need to see it from your dp's pov. His holiday last year was ruined by the behaviour of your children and the upshot is that he will not now get a holiday with his children.

He would have to be a mug very mildmannered man indeed not to resent that. Especially since, as a previous poster pointed out, this may well be the last family holiday he ever gets to have with his children.

MammaTJ · 05/07/2013 14:39

Are you really prepared to have him damage his relationship with his kids by taking yours on a fancy holiday one year and then not taking his the next?

Bogeyface · 05/07/2013 14:59

I didnt realise that you are the same person as on the other thread about the photos.

Look, do everyone a favour and either a) finish your relationship with him as it sounds like neither of you are happy or b) stay and put up with it but stop posting for advice you neither want nor will use.

maninawomansworld · 08/07/2013 15:18

I think it would be rally selfish to not take his kids because yours were brats, however I get that on this occasion you really want a child free one...

If you go child free this time perhaps put something concrete in the diary for later in the year / earlier next year when you will definitely take them.

I get it though... a proper holiday to me is a week without kids in tow. I like a cheap and cheerful week with them and then a nice posh adults only holiday later in the year. We always go somewhere amazing for our anniversary (New York, Rome, Prague, Hong Kong, Carribean, Moscow, Paris, Kenya, Hawaii, Maldives , Australia to name a few) and NEVER take kids. Would totally spoil it!

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