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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or a petulant brat ??

75 replies

PMMummy · 04/07/2013 10:15

Is it wrong to be incredibly p'd off that whilst you're sat in a caravan in Norfolk for your main hols, your parents having just come back from a week in Majorca and a week in New York last month, they ring to inform you that they've sold the BMW as it only had 3 doors and have bought a brand new 4x4 ???? Or am I just being a petulant brat ??

We by the way are broke and they know this but continue to brazenly splash the cash.

But half of me feels an entitled brat for even thinking it.

OP posts:

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 04/07/2013 10:18

YABU. Should your parents pretend to be poor and not enjoy their money just to keep you happy?

NumTumDeDum · 04/07/2013 10:20

Yanbu to think it, but ywbu to voice it. Not their fault that you are broke, and they are just sharing what they have been up to. You'd feel worse if they kept it all from you so as not to make you feel bad.

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 10:21

what age are you ? yes you sound a bit of a brat are your parents meant to take you with them or still give you money it is not there fault you are skint , we all have to struggle to get by we had many years in caravans or cheap deal UK haven holidays , while my parents jetted off here there and everywhere, unless you are 14 and not been allowed to go with them stop feeling sorry for yourself , (consider yourself told off )

Original poster

PMMummy · 04/07/2013 10:24

Not at all do I begrudge them anything, they have worked incredibly hard and were indeed broke when I was younger. But since recently moving and downsizing, they are literally spending it like water. Eye wateringly so. Good for them, of course, but when we have such a tight budget surely it's only human nature, even if mean, for it to cross you're mind ??

OP posts:

hiddenhome · 04/07/2013 10:24

You are not their responsibility. You're an adult and you have to look after yourself now. They've probably spent years and years looking forward to their retirement and going on trips, so they're entitled to do that.

Original poster

PMMummy · 04/07/2013 10:25

Your not you're !

OP posts:

Ragwort · 04/07/2013 10:25

Maybe you can do the same to your children in the future? .

There is another thread about the 'Baby Boomers' on Mumsnet at the moment and the 'unfairness' of life.

My parents are extrememly comfortably off (although have to say they are very generous with their money as well) - however my mother recently showed me where she spent six years between aged 6-12. It was during the war, she lived in one room with her parents, the whole house was split into five separate 'homes', one toilet was shared by everyone, no bath at all. Constant fear of bombing, many parents away at war etc etc. Food rationing. She talks about walking into town the day after a bombing and seeing dead bodies lying in the road.

Yes, my parents may be 'lucky' now but I am sure none of us have ever had to live like they did today.

hiddenhome · 04/07/2013 10:25

Perhaps they're just trying to enjoy themselves before the money ends up paying for care home fees.

emmie31 · 04/07/2013 10:26

My parents are enjoying a cruise at the moment, and have had some lovely weekends away this year, they also have a lovely car, I'm happy they can afford such things , they've worked ( and still work) bloody hard for all they have so deserve all of it! I hope some day I will have the same things, I am also skint at the moment , but when I look back to when i was little my parents struggled the same as me and my husband. I'm sorry but you do sound a bit bratty.

BarbarianMum · 04/07/2013 10:29

Well you are having a holiday so I'm guessing the wolf is not exactly at the door.

But I think it would depend how 'broke' is broke. If you're hungry, can't afford shoes for the kids, having trouble keeping a roof over your heads then in my family you would be helped no question. On the other hand some parts of my family are way, way better off than us. They don't rub our noses in it but their houses, cars holidays and clothes still reflect it (they are hardly going to take up camping cause that's all we can afford
). It would be very wrong to resent that and I have no problem explaining to my children why their cousins live in a bigger house, etc.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 04/07/2013 10:29

I am on the bones of my bum. My parents go on holiday and buy nice things and talk about them. I don't get pissed off because its their money, they worked for it and it's good that they are enjoying it after struggling when they were younger. Your tight budget is nothing to do with your parents so maybe redirect your pissed off-ness to your own situation and money.

Picturepuncture · 04/07/2013 10:31

I think it's a bit petulant sorry.

I know it's a disappointing for you. But what should your parents do? Not spend money? Not tell you about it?

Ragwort · 04/07/2013 10:32

emmie makes a good point, although my parents enjoy lovely holidays now when we growing up we had the wet camping weeks in Wales etc etc so they also struggled just as many of us do now when they bringing up their family - time to enjoy their hard labour now - as you may do in the future?

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 10:36

we used to go to Blackpool and scarborough (stupid word) when I was younger and now they go away twice a year it is different when you have young children the money doesn't stretch as far, we are now at a stage dds are older and we can start to do things we wouldnt have done , OP i think you thought they could have given you a helping hand when they sold their house and that is why you are foot stamping and thinking it s'not fair

ajandjjmum · 04/07/2013 10:38

I suppose it depends on your understanding of 'broke'. If you were really broke, you wouldn't be going on holiday anywhere.

On the basis that your parents aren't going to be around for ever, isn't it great that they are enjoying themselves while they can - after all, they made loads of sacrifices when bringing you up, as you are inevitably doing for your DC.

It would be sad if they stopped telling you what was going on in their lives, because they were worried you would be jealous.

Original poster

PMMummy · 04/07/2013 10:43

Argh why do I keep adding replies an they don't appear ?!
And now I can't remember what I put.

As said before I don't begrudge them anything at all, they have worked all their lives, but just recently it's becoming harder to not feel the poor relation, sounds awful but difficult to explain. Mum just doesn't seem to have a grasp that they are very well off but others aren't. She doesn't understand why we're at a haven and can't afford to go abroad, she doesn't understand why I don't have my own car and DH takes ours to work but I work late etc. So in my defence (ish) it's sort of in my face. Is that a defence ?!?!!!

OP posts:

LessMissAbs · 04/07/2013 10:52

We're not bike but thats only because we have good jobs, cheap holidays and do stuff ourselves instead of paying other people.

So I also find it distasteful when PIL talk about having bought another property in France because the first one is too small (without selling it first) or yet another motorhome because they didn't like the layout of the first.

They just live in a world, funded by early retirement from public sector jobs on final salary pension schemes and two inheritances that simply isn't realistic now for anyone who had made the work choices they dulidvin their lives.

As a result, they have no idea about the harsh realities of life. BIL suffered a brain injury and lost his job and his wife works round the clock to pay their mortgage, but they never considered helping out, seem to think the mortgage company will be 'understanding' if they miss a payment and moan about how they are hard up pensioners.

LessMissAbs · 04/07/2013 10:59

That should have read we're not broke

Mamafratelli · 04/07/2013 11:03

You sound a bit jealous. What would you like them to do? My parents have loads more money than me but I don't care and wouldn't expect anything from them.

Original poster

PMMummy · 04/07/2013 11:08

No not jealous at all. Slightly bewildered yes.

OP posts:

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 04/07/2013 11:09

Slightly bewildered? Or "incredibly p'd off"?

3monkeys · 04/07/2013 11:14

My parents had very little when we were little and now have lots. They are really generous with it, mum loves spending it on the kids and paid for Ds1's braces recently. I hope I would do the same for my kids. Equally, if they fell on hard times, Dh and I would help them too

Ashoething · 04/07/2013 11:21

YANBU op- although you will inevitably be called entitled I have been brought up to believe that families should help each other and imo that includes financially even if you are an adult.

Our inlaws sound a bit likes yours-they always go on about how "poor" they are-they own a lovely home,a holiday home,2 cars and have plenty put away for a rainy day. They didn't work hard all their lives-mil retired at 40 and was on the sick for donkeys years.

They benefited from being able to buy property very cheaply and make a good profit,good pensions etc. Something people nowadays can only dream off.

Nowt wrong with being resentful with the so called "poor pensioners" imo

Dejected · 04/07/2013 11:22

I know exactly what you mean. I don't begrudge people things but do they have to tell me exactly what it cost and exactly what they are spending when they know I'm counting pennies in the supermarket to pay for food for dinner.

BlackeyedSusan · 04/07/2013 11:30

you can be reasonably contenmt with what you have, when lots of other people around you have a similar lifestyle. it is more difficult to be content when someone close is (unintentionally) emphasising your lack of resources compared to them. it hurts.

I try to deal with it by focussing on people who have less/are worse off or on bargains I have picked up in the supermarket. it is the only way I cope sometimes.

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