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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or a petulant brat ??

75 replies

PMMummy · 04/07/2013 10:15

Is it wrong to be incredibly p'd off that whilst you're sat in a caravan in Norfolk for your main hols, your parents having just come back from a week in Majorca and a week in New York last month, they ring to inform you that they've sold the BMW as it only had 3 doors and have bought a brand new 4x4 ???? Or am I just being a petulant brat ??

We by the way are broke and they know this but continue to brazenly splash the cash.

But half of me feels an entitled brat for even thinking it.

OP posts:
diddl · 04/07/2013 11:33

I think it's unkind if they are always mentioning it.

That said, I also think you should be able to tell your kids that you've changed your car & be able to talk about your latest holiday.

They've downsized to do it-do you think that they should be using that money for your holidays/mortgage?

Original poster
PMMummy · 04/07/2013 11:39

Not at all, it's their money not mine. But I just wish they had a better understanding, my in laws who have considerably less money understand completely and never question what we do, rather encourage and do sweet things like give the DDS £10 each for their holidays. There isn't any thinking like that from my parents.

OP posts:
frissonpink · 04/07/2013 11:42

So what do you think they should do? Pay for a holiday for you? Or buy you more things? Confused

I'm guessing you're an adult here!

p.s. you're not broke if you're on holiday. We haven't had a holiday for 5 years and probably won't for the foreseeable future. A holiday of any description. And you called Norfolk your main hols which implies you have other holidays too!

Original poster
PMMummy · 04/07/2013 12:01

This is our one and only holiday, it cos £600 and was the max we could afford. Yes are very lucky to have a holiday I appreciate, but I would like to think in years to come I can help my grown up children out, esp if I had the wealth they have. Otherwise what's the point of working and life in general. It isn't just what's mine is mine so unlucky surely ??? Brat or not, isn't that the essence of family ??

OP posts:
mrsjay · 04/07/2013 12:07

well if you paid that for a week away you are not really broke the essence of family isn't about dolling out money though, were your parents stingy when you were growing up,

JackieTheFart · 04/07/2013 12:25

Sorry, I think you sound like a brat.

If we are going in for competitive broke-ness, we're not having a holiday this year - same as every year since 2009 - and we also don't have a car.

My parents (particularly my dad) have at least one holiday a year, maybe more, and have money to splash about. If they wanted to treat me I'd probably accept it, but why should they? I'm not their responsibility anymore and I want them to enjoy their money.

digerd · 04/07/2013 12:33

OP
If your parents were born 6 years pre WW2, that must have around 1932. They would not have been helped financially by their parents and values were ' you made your bed, you lie in it and can't expect any help from anybody else'.
However many post war born parents have a different attitude and want their DC to have it better than they did.

As far as inheritances are concerned, my cousin was an only child and married an only child and they both got the lot. Lucky them.

Original poster
PMMummy · 04/07/2013 13:06

Parents born in 1950s and working class. Now without doubt middle class due to their hard work. Which is commendable without doubt.
My eyes just water at the amounts they can get through. I don't expect anything but I can express my Shock at it.

OP posts:
frissonpink · 04/07/2013 13:06

Hmm. Well £600 is a lot of money!

You do sound like a brat! I would want my parents to enjoy themselves, after having put me (as their child) first for so much of their lives!

My parents also have money. They just spent £800 on curtains which inside, yes, I was Shock about. But they made my mum happy, which in turn, makes me happy.

Yes, she could have chosen to give it to me, so we could actually have a holiday! But no, she chose curtains. That's totally ok with me. She and Dad spent more than enough on me growing up.

quesadilla · 04/07/2013 13:08

I can sort of relate to this: my parents are a bit like this: they have been very comfortable for most of their lives and have always assumed (and generally been right) that they can walk into the jobs they want, afford the holidays they want, move places they like and basically not have to think that much about buying things. They don't explicitly look down on me but I think they have a hard time believing that I really struggle to find good work and afford just to keep my head above water. Its a generational thing: life was pretty good (financially, anyway) to that generation and they don't have any real empathy with how hard it is for mine.

On the other hand they are both now old and sick and neither of their lives have been a bed of roses. And its not their fault.

YANBU to feel this privately but YWBU to expect anything to change or for you to be entitled to share in this. Some people are luckier than others and as long as they aren't watching you suffer real financial hardship then you can't really expect economic parity with them as a matter of course.

everlong · 04/07/2013 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maddy68 · 04/07/2013 13:28

Total brat sorry
your parents have done their share of struggling - they are now reaping the benefits good on them

Cherriesarelovely · 04/07/2013 13:31

I have some sympathy with you OP. I certainly wouldn't be calling anyone up and sharing stuff like that all the time if they were struggling with money. It seems insensitive somehow.

Innacorner · 04/07/2013 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OHforDUCKScake · 04/07/2013 13:36

How odd. My parents go on holiday all over the world at least twice a year. Fricking good on them!! When they were my age it was all about Butlins.

For us, its all about Butlins. Grin

chicaguapa · 04/07/2013 13:52

YANBU because I understand what you mean.

I don't mind if my DM is changing her car or buying a new motorhome because I recognise that she has got herself into that position where she can afford all these things. Where I get a bit Hmm is when she was trying to work out what to do with my DGM's inheritance as they didn't need anything. It wouldn't have occured to her for a micro-second to use it to help us pay a bit off our mortgage or ease our financial position. She's going to use it to buy a holiday home instead, which I guess we can all use if we can afford the airfare. That felt different to me as she had come into that money in a different way and I think it would have been nice to have recognised that things are harder for our generation and have wanted to do something to ease that.

But then they will always feel they struggled too, which they did. But they had a lot more opportunity that we do and they were rewarded for the effort, ie saving got them a deposit for a house. The problem with our generation is that there doesn't seem to be light at the end of the tunnel and there are many fewer opportunities.

It's not entitlement, but I do think I would be more aware of my DC's financial struggles and if I was in a position to do something to help, I would.

diddl · 04/07/2013 14:02

But they can do this because they are child free & have downsized?

Your turn might come!

Perhaps they made sacrifices whilst you were growing up & feel that it's their turn now?

You say you are broke-but you are having a holiday, & I assume are not living on the streets & are meeting the bills?

Maybe they think that you don't need help?

pussycatwillum · 04/07/2013 14:07

I hope you remember this when you are middle aged, your children have flown the nest and you can do things you want to do at last.
You may want to help your children out, but you also may think that as they are grown up they are now responsible for their own lives.

brilliantwhite · 04/07/2013 14:13

your a brat , they earn the money its theirs to spend , im sure you never went without when you were young, did you want them to keep you forever ,its their time now ,you are lucky to be away at all , if you are that skint maybe its time to look for a better paid job and cut down on what you spend .

EmmelineGoulden · 04/07/2013 14:14

You do sound both unreasonable and a bit of a petulant brat...

Is it wrong to be incredibly jubilent because you're on holiday in Norfolk when most of the world can't afford a holiday, let alone Internet access to post MN about it?

pussycatwillum · 04/07/2013 14:27

Mind you, after our one and only holiday in a (very small) caravan in Norfolk we decided we would not go on holiday again if that was all we could afford Grin. We didn't either, for a number of years.
Maybe that's the root of your problem.

Davsmum · 04/07/2013 14:32

My exes sister and her husband are like that. They go on numerous exotic holidays every year and also buy top of the range cars etc.
They bore you to death with all the details but to be honest - I think they are truly thrilled with everything they do, - like excited children!

They have both worked hard to achieve what they have and yes,..they have been lucky too.

I deserve it just as much - but I am not in a position to have what they have but I don't begrudge them one minute of it.
We have just had a few days away in Wales - and I think I am lucky to have been able to do that.

Original poster
PMMummy · 04/07/2013 15:07

Thanks for all your replies. I was just canvassing opinion in an anonymous forum and would NEVER voice them in RL. I'm not that much of a brat Wink

OP posts:
MrsLouisTheroux · 04/07/2013 15:26

Doesn't matter who they are, it's hard to have to listen to tales of extravagant spending when you are on a budget.
Just ignore it and don't let it get you you or turn you into Envy )

Original poster
PMMummy · 04/07/2013 15:28

Thanks MrsLR this is only really what I was getting at. Frustrating when you're in 'one of those moods' Wink

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