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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or a petulant brat ??

75 replies

PMMummy · 04/07/2013 10:15

Is it wrong to be incredibly p'd off that whilst you're sat in a caravan in Norfolk for your main hols, your parents having just come back from a week in Majorca and a week in New York last month, they ring to inform you that they've sold the BMW as it only had 3 doors and have bought a brand new 4x4 ???? Or am I just being a petulant brat ??

We by the way are broke and they know this but continue to brazenly splash the cash.

But half of me feels an entitled brat for even thinking it.

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 04/07/2013 15:56

I actually think YANBU - while they may deserve their money, having worked hard for it and suffered when they were younger, that doesn't mean they get to opt out of social grace. DH and I are fortunate enough to be financially comfortable, not rich, but doing OK, however I have several 'mummy friends' who are struggling at the moment, basic manners means I wouldn't discuss big purchases with them knowing they are in a tough situation. Similarly, I have other friends who are vastly richer than us, and they might when asked say which v expensive school they are sending their DCs too, or where they are going on holiday, but tend to be kind enough not to boast about their great lives knowing it's stuff we can't afford.

it's just plain rude, and being your parents, it's not like they can pretend they don't know you aren't flush. Are they a bit crap in other social situations or is it just with you?

BeeMom · 04/07/2013 16:10

YABexceptionallyU

Your parents' money is theirs, not yours - you have no right to dictate or criticise what they do with it - they likely worked hard for it, and are reaping the benefits of decades of toil.

Instead of moaning about what they have and you haven't, maybe you can try to appreciate what you have. It is amazing what a change of attitude might do.

Or, if you want to use an American term, suck it up.

Theala · 04/07/2013 16:37

Geez. My parents are retired and they are always off on holiday, a week here, a week there, a weekend in a posh hotel, whatever.
My holidays consist of going to visit my parents, my DP's parents, or going camping on the cheap.

I don't begrudge my parents one little bit. They worked incredibly hard for 40+ years, brought up four kids, sent us all to uni, and scrimped and saved to do so. (I remember a fierce row about my Dad buying the newspaper when they 'couldn't afford' it.)
Now they have a much nicer life, and they bloody well deserve it. I'm just hoping that mine turns out as nicely when I'm their age.

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 17:00

Tbh I cant work out if you are pissed off at them for not giving you any help or money or just pissed off you think you are skint?

znaika · 04/07/2013 17:11

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MrsLouisTheroux · 04/07/2013 17:12

don't mind :it's just plain rude, and being your parents, it's not like they can pretend they don't know you aren't flush. Are they a bit crap in other social situations or is it just with you?

I agree with this ^. It's insensitive too. Obviously they can't hide big purchases or holidays and I don't think anyone would expect them to but it would be nice if they kept it a bit low key.

everlong · 04/07/2013 17:17

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mrsjay · 04/07/2013 17:21

Are parents supposed to keep sorting their kids out till they drop?

I bloody well hope not

MrsLouisTheroux · 04/07/2013 17:22

Has the OP suggested her parents give her money? I don't think she has.

StuntGirl · 04/07/2013 17:32

I agree its insensitive.

There are certain things I don't mention in front of certain family members because they're struggling financially - they don't need to hear all about the holiday they can never afford, or the frivolous and expensive guitar purchase, or the expensive gadgets we've bought. It's just polite.

Ilovesunflowers · 04/07/2013 17:36

I've been made redundant. My parents are spending a month in Australia in October. Should they give me the money they are spending on their travels? No of course not. Don't be so bloody selfish. Be thankful you've had a caravan holiday. Some people won't even manage that even after saving up for years. YABU.

everlong · 04/07/2013 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc · 04/07/2013 17:41

Yabu.

znaika · 04/07/2013 17:43

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HuevosRancheros · 04/07/2013 17:59

You would be unreasonable to expect you parents to stop spending their money, but you're not saying that. It is not unreasonable to wish that they would stop questioning your spending and 'bragging' about their spending.
If you changed the word 'parents' for 'friends', it seems better. It's not like you feel they owe you anything, just that you wish they wouldn't keep rubbing your nose in it.

DontmindifIdo · 04/07/2013 18:16

HuevosRancheros says it better than me! It's not that they should fund the OP, or stop spending, or spend their money anyway other than what they want to, but they shouldn't rub the OP's nose in it.

Bragging is vulgar anyway even if the person you are bragging too has the same income as you, but to brag about large, extravagant spending to someone who is struggling financially (regardless of how you know them) is actually rather horrible.

Original poster

PMMummy · 04/07/2013 19:07

Thank you. I agree it is tactless to continually brag/flash cash/latest buys etc, however I don't think it is done intentionally. They do live in their nice little bubble and that's lovely for them. But our world is quite different and I do sometimes wonder if they realise how different. I'm not suggesting for one minute that they didn't go without when we were younger, or miss a payment or two because it was one of those juggling months, but with experience surely you would remember what it was like ?

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/07/2013 19:56

Shit if I got offended every time my parents got themselves something nice because I was skint I'd be sulking continually!

It's your problem not theirs. Be happy for them rather than making it about yourself and your financial situation.

maninawomansworld · 08/07/2013 15:25

Yes you're being very U.
If you're really struggling then ask them nicely for some help if you have a good relationship with them.
Most parents want to help their children (DW's parents are always trying to give us stuff despite us being pretty well off). You are absolutely NOT entitled to a penny of the money that they have worked hard to earn though and you shouldn't resent them enjoying it.

8thplace · 08/07/2013 15:43

You sound like a horrible brat, and totally unreasonable.

We haven't had a holiday anywhere for 10 years +
Think about that whilst sitting in your caravan in Norfolk in the sunshine.

I hope your parents keep spending their hard earned money on themselves and enjoy their retirement and golden years.

Davsmum · 08/07/2013 15:58

Why should people not mention things they have or get just because you are not able to do the same?
It could be turned around to say skint people should not tell better off people how hard things are for them.
You can tell if someon eis boasting or gloating - and if thats the case give those types a wide berth.
My sister tells me all about her exotic holidays because she is excited and thrilled about them - I would be disappointed if she hid them from me because I can't afford the same! I would think it patronising!

KellyElly · 08/07/2013 16:24

No I don't think you are. I would never see my daughter struggle if I had cash to splash on holidays etc. Just because she would have grown up and become an adult doesn't make her any less my child and I'd want to help/give her and her family a treat if they were having a hard time financially. My dad and his partner just paid for all their grown up children and my daughter to go abroad for his wedding as he knew we would all really struggle to afford it. I guess I'm just lucky I have a parent like that as an adult.

FreckledLeopard · 08/07/2013 16:31

I'm surprised by the responses on this thread. Perhaps I have different expectations or am a spoilt brat but I would never want my DCs to struggle whilst I was living the life of riley, regardless of how hard I work.

Amongst my friends and colleagues, it seems normal for parents to contribute deposit for their children's first house, or to pay for their wedding. I'd hope to be able to do the same for DD.

It really wouldn't sit well with me if my child, despite working hard, was struggling, whilst I had all this money....

AngryFeet · 08/07/2013 16:36

I kind of get where you are coming from. Life is harder financially for us than it was for my parents. We work just as hard and earn similar to what they did but it doesnt go as far nowadays. My parents appreciate that and are incredibly generous. They gave us the deposit for the house we have just bought and I am eternally grateful. They still offer us money and free holidays all the time. They are technically millionaires now but they have always been generous with family and friends.

Dhs mum is also very generous and we say no a lot as she has very little money. Dhs dad is also very well off but never gives anything. I dont have a problem with that at all. Even when he promised dh 10 percent of his grandmothers estate then changed his mind i did not begrudge him anything (he decided to buy a second home). His money he can do what he likes.

I prefer my parents style of generousity though

Turniptwirl · 08/07/2013 16:44

It's human nature to be jealous so yanbu to feel a bit miffed

But you would be v unreasonable to say anything to your parents

You're on holiday, albeit not a fancy exotic one. I'm guessing your parents wouldn't let you and your kids starve if anything terrible happened. So they are absolutely right to spend their own money how they want.

There's a difference between helping you out in an emergency like unexpected expense and throwing money at you to spoil yourselves with holidays and posh cars.

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