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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not offer these women a lift tomorrow though I know they will have a bastard of a journey if I don't

78 replies

lecce · 03/07/2013 20:51

I am on a course tomorrow. It is the third of its kind - the same people and venue each time. There has been one each term this academic year. I am a teacher so the other partipants are other teachers from other schools in the region.

On the first one, I was asked by the leader if I would give a lift to two women back to the city. The journey by bus takes two hours, and the bus wasn't due for nearly an hour, though by car it is 40 minutes. The second time, I recognised the same two women so immediately told them I would be happy to take them back again. They were very grateful.

However, since then I have moved and, though I could still go home via 'their' way, there is a slightly quicker route also available. Moreover, ds has an after school event that means I need to get home as quickly as possible. It will really be a push and both these women have stood around talking to others after the end time and, even if I asked them not to do that, the time spent removing car seats and then having to put them back in when I got home would all add up. Tbh, it wouldn't really matter if ds was 10 mins or so late, but I just don't want the extra faffing in what is already going to be a very busy day (course adds 20 mins onto my 30 minute comute anyway.)

I hate the thought of seeing these women, knowing that they will be hoping for a lift, and not obliging. I would hate to be them, having a 3 hour journey home. I feel like if I start giving my reasons it will sound like I'm fobbing them off and making it up, but to say nothing would be rude. AIBU? And if not, what shall I say to them?

OP posts:
LadyStark · 03/07/2013 20:53

Just offer a lift and consider it your good deed for the week.

BiBiBroccoli · 03/07/2013 20:54

Just say 'I'm so sorry guys but I have to rush off today and won't be able to drop you back' the world will not end and you don't need to give them a list of reasons.

I think you sound like a very nice and considerate type to even be worrying about it though Grin

picnicbasketcase · 03/07/2013 20:55

I'd just explain about the thing with your DS, apologise and say if it was any other day you would of course have given them a lift.

SaucyJack · 03/07/2013 20:55

Just explain you have since moved house and now take a different route home.

IHeartKingThistle · 03/07/2013 20:56

You have a genuine reason for not giving them a lift so YANBU.

OwlinaTree · 03/07/2013 20:56

Can you say 'I'm so sorry, i just can't give you a lift back this time, i have to go somewhere else not back to town.'

Offerina a lift is a kind thing to do, but they shouldn't expect it and should have their own plans in place really.

TheCutOfYourJib · 03/07/2013 20:57

They must have managed to get there without you giving them a lift so I wouldn't worry about it. It's not your responsibility.

PyroclasticFlo · 03/07/2013 20:57

Talk to them as soon as you seen them and say 'I'm sorry I won't be able to give you a lift back today, we've moved house and I have to get back to DS's school thing'. With a great big smile on your face. Not a 'do you mind?' question, just a statement. Smile, kind, honest.

LowLevelWhinging · 03/07/2013 20:58

you don't have to, but it would be nice to.

Itsjustafleshwound · 03/07/2013 20:58

Offer them a lift on the priviso that you leave promptly as you have to have DS at xxx at xxx. Is there somewhere you can drop them to make it slightly easier withiut having to go all the way?

Standautocorrected · 03/07/2013 20:59

I wouldn't offer if it wasn't convenient for me or my situation at the time.

Some people may think that is rude but sometimes you have to say no.

If you feel guilty, just tell them you have moved house now, so sorry, you are not in a position to give you a lift.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 03/07/2013 20:59

Would you be happy to take them if you could all leave straight away? in which case, just tell them first thing you'll be shooting off pronto and leave it to them to catch you.
If not, ask permish to leave before the end as you have another commitment. Problem solved!

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 03/07/2013 21:00

Or do what Stand said.

ImNotBloody14 · 03/07/2013 21:01

No of course you arent ur to not offer. You havent committed yourself to it so you arent going back on anpromise or letting them down. Dont offer. If they ask just explain what you have said here. If they mind well they have a 2 hour bus journey to get over it Grin

LastButOneSplash · 03/07/2013 21:02

I'd give them the lift. It doesn't sound like it causing much of a problem unless I'm missing something. But then I'm very free with my lifts

Thesunalwayshinesontv · 03/07/2013 21:05

No obligation to offer them a lift, but perhaps tell them as soon as you can on the day so that they can try to find someone else if possible? If there is no one else, don't sweat it. They could split the cost of a minicab between them.

HildaOgden · 03/07/2013 21:07

It's not rude of you not to offer,it would be rude of them to presume you are chaffeuring them home.They are adults,their travel plans are for them to sort out.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/07/2013 21:08

I would tell them in advance you need to leave bang on time and that you'll have to leave without them if it doesn't suit. But only do this if the time is manageable. If not, just tell them asap and explain the reason.

NatashaBee · 03/07/2013 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollaAtMeBaby · 03/07/2013 21:19

I Think YAB a bit U and mean - can you offer to drop them somewhere that's on your (new) route? You must be passing through somewhere that has more frequent buses than the remote-sounding place where the course is.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 03/07/2013 21:21

Given that you've said it wouldn't matter too much if you were a few minutes late for Ds thing, I would still offer the lift but say very clearly you will be leaving straight away and will not wait for them if they wish to chat etc. then the option is there for them to take it but its on your terms. If someone offered me that versus an hour wait for a 2 hour bus trip, I'd have my Nikes on at 5 to 5!!

UniS · 03/07/2013 21:23

Roll in tomorrow, find them and say " sorry, I won't be able to give you a lift this time, We have moved out of X and I'm not going back to X this afternoon" OR " I won't be able to give you a lift, got to dash and go straight to Y for school event".

They than have all day to work out who else is going back to X .

lougle · 03/07/2013 21:25

Give them a lift. It would be a kindness and you never know in what capacity your paths may cross at a later date.

CloudsAndTrees · 03/07/2013 21:26

In your position, I wouldn't give a lift. When you see them and say hello anyway, just say, 'I'm sorry I can't offer a lift again now that we've moved'.

You dont need to explain yourself or justify why you can't do it, you are not a taxi service.

It's not like it's a dark, wet, winter night. They will be fine.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 03/07/2013 21:29

I'd offer on the understanding that you will be starting the car at T+5 minutes and if they're not in it you'll be on your way.

Is there a compromise drop-off point?