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AIBU?

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Original poster

To Feel Irritated By The Work Experience Girl?

120 replies

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 03/07/2013 17:12

Okay. I don't know if I am just being a moany mare or not...

We currently have a young girl in the office who has just finished her GCSEs and will be here for two weeks for voluntary summer work experience (not the compulsory year 11 work experience). She's really sweet and personable and has been trying hard at doing her admin tasks and sitting in on meetings to learn etc. However I am getting so irritated by her saying "I'm just so tired", and "it's been so tiring", literally every single time someone asks how she is getting on. It is day three for goodness sake, and also we're in a very posh office with lots of big bosses. Bit unprofessional. When I did work experience I just kept replying "It's great!" or "I'm really enjoying it thanks" when people asked me that, so I don't think it's her age or a lack of social skills as she is obviously quite intelligent.

I just heard her do it again in the kitchen with someone pretty high up in the company - When he asked how she was finding it I don't think he expected her wet lettuce response of "Yes, well... I'm very tired to be honest and need to get home", I think he expected something positive - He didn't really know what to say!

It winds me up when the rest of us actually ARE bloody tired lol. I know she is only 16 but she has a lot to learn if she thinks the kind of work she has been doing is tiring lol :)

Maybe I'm being mean, at 16 she has probably been up late seeing friends or something and is therefore tired, but... Don't do voluntary work experience if that's what you want to do all summer. Thoughts?

OP posts:
LRDLearningDomHome · 04/07/2013 10:43

I mean, you would find it inappropriate/rude if she made a personal joke about you, and she probably won't see why it's different coming from someone else.

Original poster
TiffanyAtBreakfast · 04/07/2013 10:44

By making a joke, I meant waiting for her to say she is tired in conversation, and responding with "oh too many late nights with friends/(insert chatty comment here)?" and then following it through to an actual conversation about her responses to colleagues.

I still feel that saying it bluntly would make her feel worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiffanyAtBreakfast · 04/07/2013 10:46

As a side note, I would never make a joke that is personal enough to be found inappropriate or rude. Especially not to someone who is 16 and in a work environment.

OP posts:
LRDLearningDomHome · 04/07/2013 10:47

Sorry, but I think that is really going to backfire.

It's exactly the sort of personal comment that's unprofessional and belittling, when you are trying to teach her to be professional.

And I think she will just be hurt by it, or it will go over her head.

LRDLearningDomHome · 04/07/2013 10:48

Cross post.

You don't think it's inappropriate and rude to say 'too many late nights with friends'? Confused

I wouldn't say that to my students and I assumed workplaces are at least as formal as a classroom. It sounds as if that is wrong.

VenusSurprising · 04/07/2013 10:51

I agree say it to say it straight, not as a joke: she'll get the wrong message from you if you joke, like she's the joke of the office.

Much better to say, I've been noticing that people have been asking you how you are and that you reply "I'm so tired" and that it might be better to say, "it's great, there's a lot to take in."

Original poster
TiffanyAtBreakfast · 04/07/2013 10:54

No I don't think it's inappropriate, she was telling me on Monday about all of her epic social activities this summer. It is a formal work place but during lunch breaks people chat about day to day things without it being considered unprofessional.

Lets agree to disagree on that point then Smile

I'm taking others' suggestions and speaking to her kindly about it at lunchtime, thanks all for your comments. Will update later.

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 04/07/2013 10:58

I wouldn't address it directly- might be better to say something like, "One of the most important things about working in an office is being a positive- people don't like moaners.It's a skill to know when to keep quiet and when it's appropriate to have a good old moan. Wish someone had taken me aside at your age and told me that!"

When I think about some of the stuff I did at 16-17 in work I cringe, and I'm sure in another ten years I'll be winching at some of the things I've done recently! Don't be too hard on her.

Original poster
TiffanyAtBreakfast · 04/07/2013 10:59

That sounds like a really good way to go about it actually, thanks.

OP posts:
revealall · 04/07/2013 11:00

Might all be a bit of youth culture thing here. I hear lots of school children on the train and they all start moaning with "I'm so tired".
Contrast with younger children will never say they are tired will they even if they are on their knees. They just get whiny and say they are "bored" or get a bit angry.

So yes you should really point out that being "tired" in a work environment isn't acceptable (nicely).

I can't remember saying it to anyone at 16. Despite my friends and I all having jobs and school because tired wasn't considered conversation in the way it is now.

K8Middleton · 04/07/2013 11:08

Yes just tell her straight. In exactly the way you can't believe anyone would.

Set it up nicely along the lines of "X, how are you getting on?" If she takes the cue and says how tired she is great. If not, plough on any way with "I hope you don't mind a little bit of feedback? When people ask how you're finding things try to think of something positive to say because it will make you look bright and enthusiastic, even if the reality is that you are very tired."

Original poster
TiffanyAtBreakfast · 04/07/2013 11:12

Yes, I couldn't believe that anyone would be completely blunt about it as it would hurt her feelings. What you've said is a gentle approach while still getting the point across which sounds perfect, thanks Smile

OP posts:
K8Middleton · 04/07/2013 11:14

I would be blunt if I could say something immediately after it happened. But I'm in HR. We're tough Grin

Original poster
TiffanyAtBreakfast · 04/07/2013 11:16

Haha! HR are known to be ballsy! Smile

OP posts:
Monty27 · 04/07/2013 11:21

I think you should tell her, in a gentle way, that it is not the etiquette to tell people, especially those in authority, that you are tired. The poor girl probably is tired, taking in everything and meeting new people is tiring for anybody.

The girl after all, is there to learn about a working life. Teach her that she should try and give a good positive response/impression rather than a negative one, if that makes sense :)

FoxMulder · 04/07/2013 11:22

I would tell someone if I was tired if they asked how I was and I was tired...didn't realise it was such a terrible faux pas. I find the types who are all 'yeah, I'm great!' all the time rather annoyingly fake.

Original poster
TiffanyAtBreakfast · 04/07/2013 11:27

I see your point FoxMulder. But I think it's because people are enquiring about how she is finding her time here e.g...

"How are you getting on / How are you finding it here?" - "I'm very tired, I need to get home" = comes across as a little negative, whereas

"How are you today?" - "I'm very tired" = just answering the question honestly.

If you see what I mean.

OP posts:
FoxMulder · 04/07/2013 11:39

Yeah, I do know what you mean actually. It's different when you're on work experience and trying to make a good impression, rather than when you're established in your role and know which colleagues you can have a whinge at and which you should be a bit more professional with.

Ragwort · 04/07/2013 11:49

You need to tell her (gently).

A lot of young people and some older ones have no idea of office etiquette. However I do think a lot of teenagers are so molly coddled and spoiled that they have no idea how to do a day's work. . And yes, I have a teen myself.

Years ago it was the fashion for men to wear white socks - I had to tell one of my trainees that turning up for an interview in a smart, dark suit with white socks just wasn't giving the right impression. Grin.

BubaMarra · 04/07/2013 12:14

So, she is doing everything right, she is being nice and personable, she is intelligent, trying hard, etc...the only thing that is missing is that she didn't come into the office with the full knowledge of office etiquette (at the age of 16)? YABU.
She is there to learn both about actual work and social skills in office environment. She is clueless and just too honest with her answer. Have a quiet word with her about that. Don't make jokes, just be open and gentle.

mrsjay · 04/07/2013 12:17

I think the fact the girl volunteered to do it shows she is quite mature and wants to get on with it , perhaps she will leave school before she reaches the work experience age so wants to get in early . ( the teens do it in 4th yr in scotland )

LapsedPacifist · 04/07/2013 12:49

At 18 I was utterly mortified when told by my first full-time employer (during my first performance appraisal) that although I was efficient, enthusiastic and knowlegeable about my work, (public library assistant) I was basically irritating the hell out of my fellow workers with my constant chattering. It worked! I STFU! Grin

Almostfifty · 04/07/2013 13:43

One of my DSs is on a Year in Industry placement. When he first started, he was in bed by nine every night, for around the first two months. He now manages to stay up till ten. Grin

He never told his colleagues he was tired, just got on with the job.

EarlyInTheMorning · 04/07/2013 13:53

I think that if you're kind to her and tell her in a constructive way you'll make a positive difference in her life. Donkies years ago when I got out into the real world (older than 16 by the way) I thought that disagreeing with people made me sound more mature and interesting. It took me years to realise that it made me sound antagonistic and unfriendly. I wish someone had told me. And for what it's worth, teenagers are usually genuinely very very tired! Grin

garlicnutty · 04/07/2013 15:25

Can't remember which solecism I'd committed, but I do remember a senior telling me "They want to hear enthusiasm, even if you're not feeling it! Basically, you have to lie." That's not even necessary here - it's just a matter of feeding back a different truth - but I'm grateful to the person who taught me this about general etiquette.