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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu and need some advice reg sil cat when visiting with my baby

34 replies

Cherub1002 · 03/07/2013 10:44

Hi all I thought I'd make a posting to get some advice just in case I am being over the top.

I have a 5 month old daughter we have yet to visit sil at her house as we haven't been invited which is fine. Hubby says that sil would like to invite us round. There is one thing that unsettles me is her cat. I have looked after her cat whilst sil has been on holiday. The cat is quite shy and scares easily. One day my sister visited me whilst I was looking after the cat and and it attacked her - was very scary, claws came out - it looked vicious! I had to put the cat in a room away from my sister.

I think the cat is scared of loud noises and can snap. So if I do visit my sil I would like her to send the cat out or put it in a room somewhere - I know this sounds a bit demanding but I don't think I can settle if I visited her and it would kill me if the cat had a go at my daughter.

My daughter is testing her voice at the moment, she gets really excited and screeches her voice so I think if the cat was in the same room the noise would scare the cat.

Hubby says that sil said that the cat doesn't like babies but it won't go anywhere near her. This doesn't sit well with me having seen the cat attack my sister which sil is aware of.

I want to be able to say please lock the cat out or in a room, it won't be a long trip as we only live round the corner so I think it will just be a half hour visit - not too cruel to lock the cat in a room.

Am I being over the top? I can't see how sil thinks that the cat won't have a go and I don't want to test it out to see what happens I just want the cat out when we visit - why put my baby in danger to find out.

I am a bit over protective, I'm thinking of leaving if she doesn't keep the cat away.

That cat has some claws!

OP posts:
SchroSawMargeryDaw · 03/07/2013 10:45

As an owner of 3 cats, I would ask them to put it in another room.

cozietoesie · 03/07/2013 10:48

I'd just ask. For the sake of both the cat and your little one. It's no biggy.

Original poster
Cherub1002 · 03/07/2013 10:50

That's what I thought its no big deal but I think she will get stroppy. She is quite an argumentative person - it doesn't bother me as I can deal with her - I will just end up walking out with my dd if it gets heated

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 03/07/2013 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadeOfStarDust · 03/07/2013 10:51

I'm sure she wouldn't mind at all if you put a gentle request to her.

Your DD is 5 months old so won't be far from your side anyhow, why don't you visit and then ask her to move the cat if it is a problem... our cat won't stay in the room when we have visitors anyhow -

(would rather be off finding a nice juicy frog to bring in and leave under the fridge til it becomes a dessicated flat froggy Frisbee....)

cozietoesie · 03/07/2013 10:52

Cherub

It really is a small thing. Just say something along the lines of 'You'll shut the cat away will you? I don't want the baby to upset it.'

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 03/07/2013 10:55

Mind you, my cats just run away from babies. I was worried about one of them as she is tempermental but actually she is the only one who will go up to the toddler, let him stroke her etc. Completely different personality with the baby.

I would ask if you're worried though, I started an almost identical thread nearly 2 years ago about PIL's dog. I did end up asking them to move it. Once you ask you will feel much better.

Best thing I had said to me on that thread? "Mummy Lion!"

patchesmcp · 03/07/2013 10:57

I'm pretty sure it'd be fine - most cats would just stay away as they wouldn't like the noise, however if you're uncomfortable just ask her nicely to put the cat in another room. You could say you know you're bring a bit PFB but it'd make you feel less stressed if the cat was elsewhere for this visit. If it was me, and it was a short visit I'd be fine with it.

Original poster
Cherub1002 · 03/07/2013 11:01

LunaticFringe - my sister just ask me if I would like a cup of tea. She was standing at the lounge door. Then the cat jumped up and attacked her literally threw itself across the room!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherub1002 · 03/07/2013 11:11

If the majority of you have cats and they keep away from babies then I will feel a bit better. Sil thinks that the cat will stay away.

If I hadn't of looked after her cat and witnessed it attacking my sister then I would be fine and quite relaxed. I just can get that awful scene out of my head!

OP posts:
SchroSawMargeryDaw · 03/07/2013 11:13

My girl cat would happily go for me if she got a bad fright or we annoyed her but she would never go for the baby and has been fine with the toddler, he managed to pull her fur and she just tapped him, no claws. She acts very different with the kids.

I have only chanced it because they are my cats though, I have no choice.

samandi · 03/07/2013 11:17

It's absolutely fine to ask her to put cat outside or in another room. Better for the cat too.

LunaticFringe · 03/07/2013 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cherub1002 · 03/07/2013 11:29

Thanks LunaticFringe and all. When sil gets in touch I'm going to ask her to move the cat out. My instincts are telling me that it might turn into a heated debate because of the type of person she is. She doesn't have kids. She even told me herself that the cat attacked her friends daughter. I will have to put it in a way that I don't want the cat to be upset - I know what her response will be oh don't worry about the cat..... :(

OP posts:
SchroSawMargeryDaw · 03/07/2013 11:39

If the cat has already attacked a child then that's a completely different matter. When I was talking about mines, she recognizes children and wouldn't hurt them.

malteserzz · 03/07/2013 11:44

If it was a normal cat I would say just keep an eye on it but that one sounds vicious have never heard of a cat attacking someone like that ! Definitely ask her to shut it away

Eyesunderarock · 03/07/2013 11:50

I don't understand why anyone would object to having a pet put in a different room or outside if a visitor is nervous about it.
Dog, cat, snake. If you have visitors and they are worried about something, then you ought to try and accommodate that fear. Even if it doesn't make sense to the host.
I think any uncaged animal with an unfamiliar, small, loud, grabby child is better off elsewhere. For both of their sakes.

Potteresque97 · 03/07/2013 12:04

Why do you have to meet at her place? You could invite her over for lunch or tea instead if she is grumpy re cat but you still feel you should introduce the baby. If you end up going round and she isn't keeping the cat separate, pit it in the baby carrier. My cats kept away themselves though.

FrenchJunebug · 03/07/2013 12:06

I have a cat who is also scared easily and a baby. The cat runs a mile from the baby. YAB a bit U. The cat will be more scared of the baby and is not likely to attack!

Original poster
Cherub1002 · 03/07/2013 12:13

Potteresque97 - sil has seen the baby and has always come over ours as we live 5 mins from each other.

Frenchjunbug - I hope you are right!

OP posts:
maras2 · 03/07/2013 12:16

I've always had cats and I wouldn't mind putting them outside or in another room if requested.Mind you I'd have to find them first as they inevitably bog off at the very sniff of a baby.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 03/07/2013 12:26

I have 5 cats, if someone visiting with a baby asked me to keep them away I wouldn't have a problem as the cats are my choice, I don't inflict them on anyone who's not comfortable (although my only friend who currently has a baby plops her baby on the ground to crawl around after the cats Grin)

None of mine are viscous, or would in any way hurt a child. Most of them were around when ds2 was a baby and I never had a second's worry with them, they are extremely calm around babies. But if a mother was uncomfortable I'd shoo them out of the room in a heartbeat.

If I had a cat who was aggressive with children, or likely to scratch at all I wouldn't even have to be asked, the cat would be kept away. My parent's cat used to be like that, terrified of kids and likely to scratch and they warned every parent coming in the door and removed her if the child wasn't old enough to be told to keep away from her. Funnily enough she's mellowed in her old age and lets my children rub her now Shock but for 14 years she was a terror around children.

Potteresque97 · 03/07/2013 14:59

hmmm 5 mins away? well, i'm sure even if she got a bit upset when you brought it up, anyone else she discusses it with is more likely to agree with you re keeping the cat away. even though mine are harmless, if a friend asked me to keep them in another room I wouldn't conclude they were batty.

Burmillababe · 03/07/2013 16:30

I would suggest meeting elsewhere too - less stressful for everyone (but then I have a cat who can open doors!)

frissonpink · 03/07/2013 16:34

My MIL refuses to put her two aggressive dogs away from my 8 month old.

Which is why she's only seen DD 3 times since she's been born.

Mother Lion indeed, but why the hell take the risk! If SIL wants to see your daughter, putting cat away is hardly a big ask, is it?