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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To say Quick! Before the IPOAT ice house begins to thaw and HRH's head melts unwontedly?

150 replies

Hullygully · 03/07/2013 10:05

OP posts:
HoneyDragon · 03/07/2013 23:42

Eeeeeeew!

Tallalime · 04/07/2013 00:18

I am horribly confused.

However I'm wearing a slammerkin, though it has no metal fortification of any kind, and I've a penchant for gin so I intend to stay a while.

I also have some rather dainty gloves, ideal for the handling of a purifying kings head. If anyone would like a pair.

Minimammoth · 04/07/2013 08:21

Why thank you Tallalime those would be most useful, i hope they have the iPOAT coat of arms. Now, a good moisturiser that's what we need. Perhaps we should flay first, boil, stuff. < consults taxidermy manual>
Really the things we do to support Hully's peccadillos.

Fiderer · 04/07/2013 08:25

Welcome Miss Tallilame. Alas we have no gin as 'tis for the poor and sodden but we do have a fine range of juniper tisanes.

Mini and I played slammerkins with them last week while pretending to stock take. I had one eye shut for days and Mini lost her stays.

Tallalime · 04/07/2013 08:31

A juniper tissane would be most appreciated, are there also cucumber sandwiches, crusts orf?

Hullygully · 04/07/2013 08:41

Leave the Head alone you troublesome wenches. Have you no respect for HRHead? What are gals coming to?

I do hope Miss Tallalime, you have better manners than the other gals.

And now I must tend to dear Mr Rochester's leg, it is most pernicious again. There is no rest for the goodly of heart, beauteous of visage and bounteous of spirit.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 04/07/2013 08:41

There may be a cucumber posset, Miss Tallalime, you must enquire of cook. If you can find her.

OP posts:
ICBINEG · 04/07/2013 09:20

OP YABVVVVVVVVU.

MNHQ YABVVVVU too

We shaaalll not ...WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED!

More to the point does anyone have a herbal remedy for phossy jaw?

Tallalime · 04/07/2013 10:01

I have searched high, low and middlung for the cook Lady Hully. All I could find was a sad pile of musty, dough stained clothes sadly mouldering by the fireplace.

I did question the scullery boy as to her whereabouts, the dear lad is a gibbering wreck. So I slapped him and admonished him thricely, urging him to be a man and to put on his big boy britches. Alas I could get no sense out of him, he staggered away muttering 'Hell, or perhaps Helly' under his breath.

Tis a mystery. Luckily I have the opportunity to borrow a deerstalker and a magnifying glass from my cousin Hugh. I will get to the bottom of this, have no fear.

And do be careful with that head!

HoneyDragon · 04/07/2013 10:20
HoneyDragon · 04/07/2013 10:21

Cool, is a Eurasian word for cook you know?

Hullygully · 04/07/2013 10:40

I fear there has arisen a good deal of unruliness about this Hall. Manners and behaviour are lax.

Mayhap I shall write to the Culler.

OP posts:
ICBINEG · 04/07/2013 12:24

Well we know have over a pound of phosphorus but I know look like this

Sybilvimes · 04/07/2013 12:28

Manners and behaviour have always been a little lax though haven't they?

I mean, there's a reason why we have had 23 vicars in the last 3 years and Mrs Sheepsbottom crosses the road with her 7 daughters if she sees us in the village.

ICBINEG · 04/07/2013 12:32

Also I have picked up a lisp...I don't kno how I will get rid of it...although the bandage around my jaw probably isn't helping.

Know, knobody respectable will want to be seen with me!

Tallalime · 04/07/2013 14:38

Still no sign of the cook, very distressing as I am famished.

The lack of adequate sustenance in the form of cucumber will most likely lead to an attack of the vapours, cured only by a rest on a chaise lounge and a large measure of laudanum.

The smell of phosperous isn't helping, it's like the devils whore house in here. Somebody be a dear and open a window.

Minimammoth · 04/07/2013 16:09

Oh deary dear. We cannot tolerate flouncing, you will be given extra tatting. Entropy, do put that lisp down, you don't know where it's been,

ICBINEG · 04/07/2013 16:11

ahhh the glorious laudanum....that will see off both lisp and phossy jaw!

Hullygully · 04/07/2013 16:12

I think everyone needs a good few hours at the loom, MissMini

A little (whatever one does on a loom) might calm the restive spirits.

Someone could read aloud some edifying work during the looming, perhaps some John Stuart Mill, or a tract.

OP posts:
HoneyDragon · 04/07/2013 16:23

Weaving?

I can weave well, particularly after juniper tisane

Fiderer · 04/07/2013 16:35

HRH's head in a dusty corner? I shall remove it at once to the ice house while you all loom and weave.

Not for aught did I concoct the unguent for His locks. His fair visage needs some soothing too.

MadameDefarge · 04/07/2013 17:48

oh for heaven's sake, bring the head to my catacomb laboratory where my chymerial and Eletrikal experiments may well lead to a marvellous rejuvenation of HRH...I have a specimen body to use....he was the ostler at the inn,but I rescued him from the press gang and invited him to share other adventures. Ahem. I fear his mind has gone, But I believe the body to be fit for purpose.

Hullygully · 04/07/2013 17:55

You are fiendish cunning Mimi but a little too inclined to necromancy for comfort. However, needs must.

OP posts:
Fiderer · 04/07/2013 18:05

Lawks Mimi, if he inhales too quickly he'll burst.

MadameDefarge · 04/07/2013 18:07

When I have experimented with HRH I shall commence supper. Clearly cook has been lured from our service by dastardly puritans.

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