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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH left saw at floor level behind bedside table where dd could reach it

73 replies

MummyOfSunbeam · 02/07/2013 10:35

Ok - I am very distressed but may need to be told IABU. I hope I AM BU.

Dd is 9.5 months and been walking independently for a month so we have some gates up to try to corrall her a bit until the babyproofing is ready. Thw lovig room and bedroom are v babyproofed and DH has worked hard to help me on this - cables, tv, foam edging etc. he did the bulk of the babyproofing labour, though I have always been the one to point out the risks :(

Now dd has been walking in the hallway between living room and bedroom for a week, to get between the rooms, and he knows this - indeed he has encouraged it. She likes to walk and it is a safe hallway (bookcase attached to wall).

But. One room with be door always open right opposite the living room is rhe nursery-to-be - it is currently full offurniture from the bedroom (she is still in with us t the moment). We are using it also to dry and store clothes so it is absolutely crammed full of stuff. it ia not babyproofed yet (that is important to admit). It is PACKED with stuff literally no floor space at all. Stuff to eBay, clothes drying, boxes of baby clothes, three chests of drawers, big cupboard (from
bedroom) etc. i go in there daily to get clothes out and she is in my arms never playing in the floor .(no floor available!!)

However this nursery doorway is literally 60 cm away from the living room doorway. He has seen her walk up to and past it numerous times. He has seen her stand right by that doorway and sit by it.

And here is the thing that appalls me: just now I discovered that be had left a naked handyman saw - a serrated edge handheld thing - slid against the wall right beside the nursery door - he says it was BEHIND a bedside table in there for storage but when we saw it it had slid over and was balancing precariously right by the doorway where she could have easily reached it.

I found this out when I was in there just now to get clothes, holding her on my hip, I bent down to pick a t shirt up and the saw slid down and nearly hit her - it did hit my foot but by the handle.

Ony yesterday she was sitting by the doorway pulling things out of the room while I was preparing the pram in the hallway. I feel utterly sick. He knew that thing was right there by the door - although admittedly he says he thought it would stay behind he bedside table and not fall out or be pulled out. The room has not been babyproofed yet.

Ok - obviously I am unspeakably horrified. I instantly called him and asked wtf. And he was horrified too and w explained he didn't realise she was already reaching for things in that room. I do NOT think he did this maliciously - the room is chaos and very packed - and it was presumably behind the bedside table at one stage.

but I am appalled that he wouldn't realise it. it was ao easy to reach and and totally right by the door.

I am now nervous about him caring for her alone during my 10 h workday a week because this just seems too in-in-tune with risks to her? We were very pleased that his work are going to let him compress - I was far happier with that because then she would only have nursery two days a week, two days with me and one day with him. He ADORES her. But this kind I oversight seems to me to show lack of imagination re threat.

OTOH I could be over-reacting because I do overreact about her safety. Please tell me IABU considering the following:

  • he says he didn't realise she was interested in the nursery doorway (he has seen her walk in the hallway and approach the doorway though. But I admit he hasn't seen her sitting by it.)
  • the room is indeed totally full and hasn't yet even officially babyproofed. He explained that is why he didn't think of it yet. But leaving a naked saw by the side of an open doorway within reach of your walking dd is pretty damn astonishing.
  • he adores dd. He plays with her for hours, hugs her, comforts her, reads to her, changes her, cooks for her - he was cooking until midnight last night because he wanted to learn new recipes for meals she might enjoy! (She loves lentils so be has hurtled off and found hordes of recipes. he hates lentils but is determined to give her delicious things she likes). He has wonderful games with her involving hats and toys. He has invented a song he sings especially to her and she loves it. He definitely loves her. He has been so excited - and nervous!- about having the chance to compress so he can care for her Tuesdays

He says he is horrified by what happened. He says he will go through the whole room and babyproof it tonight. I know he would never do anything to hurt her. But what worries me is that he didn't think it through. And if he can be that STUPID frankly then I am worried.

But please tell me IABU. I feel IABU to have ever carried her near the room but I had no idea we even owned such a dangerous thing!

OP posts:
kotinka · 02/07/2013 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 02/07/2013 10:38

I think you need to take a deep breath and calm down. Working yourself into a hysterical state over something that didnt happen is silly.

IneedAsockamnesty · 02/07/2013 10:39

Yabu.

And rather dramatic. It was a stupid thing to do but he knows that.its not likely that he will do anything like it again.

KansasCityOctopus · 02/07/2013 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackeyedSusan · 02/07/2013 10:40

put a stair gate across the door to keep her out.

KansasCityOctopus · 02/07/2013 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MummyOfSunbeam · 02/07/2013 10:41

Thank you :) I don't think I am on a hysterical state (haven't cried or shouted!) but I am certainly freaked out. I will be glad to hear IABU!

OP posts:
thebody · 02/07/2013 10:41

You are being mad as a hatter chik.

It was a mistake which all parents make.

I had to read your post again to see if she sawed her fingers off by your 'horrified' reaction.

You do know that at some point your dd will fall over/ cut herself/ be unwell.

You need to calm down and ENJOY her and stop acting like a loon to your dh...

AmazingBouncingFerret · 02/07/2013 10:42

OP you need to calm down, if you carry on having this sort of reaction to near misses and almost accidents you'll be a gibbering wreck by the time your child starts school.

squeakytoy · 02/07/2013 10:43

And to be honest, if you are going to be this OTT now, I dread to think what you will be like in a few months time when your child is running and stacking it numerous times a day...

distressed/unspeakably horrified/utterly sick ?? come on... Confused

sleepyhead · 02/07/2013 10:44

First: take a deep breath.

Second: close the door to that room (does it need to be open for a reason?)

Third: understand that it is impossible to babyproof your entire home. Completely impossible. Obviously you don't leave knives lying about (or saws..) but accidents happen. It may be easier to stop dd going into places that have adult stuff in them than it is to remove all the adult stuff.

mumnotmachine · 02/07/2013 10:45

Put a stairgate across the door, sorted

Original poster
MummyOfSunbeam · 02/07/2013 10:46

Thank you - I am an idiot! Sorry all :)

OP posts:
CajaDeLaMemoria · 02/07/2013 10:46

While I can see why it gave you a scare, I think you are over-reacting.

It hadn't occurred to your DP that it could pose a danger. You told him, and he immediately apologised, and vowed to babyproof that room tonight. You couldn't really ask for a better response there!

Spotting dangers before they become obvious is a skill. It's something that you pick up, and everyone does that at different speeds. Your DP is trying. He'll get there. I'd understand your worry if he maintained that it was fine, or if he was unwilling to try, but he sounds like he's doing his very best. I wouldn't leave a handsaw around the house (probably because I'd end up cutting my own foot off or something) but my DP would, without a second thought, because he'd deem it 'safe' behind a cabinet.

sleepyhead · 02/07/2013 10:46

To be honest, although I'd not give a baby a saw to play with, I'd say it was on the lower end of immediately dangerous objects. I'd keep her out of that room though. She's likely to make a right mess of all your stuff if nothing else.

squeakytoy · 02/07/2013 10:46

I also think that babyproofing your house to the extent that it becomes a padded cell, is madness, unless you have no intentions of taking your child out of that cell until she is ready to go to school.

You cant expect everyone else to go to this level of protectiveness. It would also make a child over confident that they can crash around safely wherever they go, which shouldnt be the case.

MairyHoles · 02/07/2013 10:48

Calm down, it was nothing. He hadn't hidden something from her as well as he had thought. I have a room full o fshite just like this and would assume my partner doesn't let my kids in it when I'm not there, just like I make sure they can't get in there. He sounds like an excellent dad, please don't knock his confidence blaming him for something that was just an oversight, certainly don't call him stupid. Soon enough your child will open drawers and stumble and fall, you will realise you cannot protect them from everything, this was so minor!

You sound anxious, and that's understandable. But a handsaw is a fairly harmless tool, it has sharp teeth and would have been discarded as soon as they touched skin, she was never at risk of losing a limb.

Floggingmolly · 02/07/2013 10:48

This comes under the heading of "God gives you a free one". Nothing bad happened, and you got a heads up on safety without any unnecessary trauma. Chill.

Flobbadobs · 02/07/2013 10:49

Stair gates are definitely your friend.
Calm down and just remember that DD will spend the next few years scaring the shit out of both of you by reaching for something she couldn't yesterday and more than once you will have the conversation that starts "well did you know she could climb on the table? Me neither"...

scallopsrgreat · 02/07/2013 10:51

If your DH had reacted nonchalantly and didn't see the issue, yes I would be worried. But he didn't. He realised his mistake and is doing something about it. So from that, why don't you think he's going to be able to look after her? Seems a perfectly reasonable response to an oversight. It takes a bit of getting used to when your baby starts walking and if he isn't looking after her for longer periods by himself then it would be easy to underestimate what she can/can't do.

WandaDoff · 02/07/2013 10:51

It was a bad mistake, but thankfully nothing happened.

Try to calm down a little bit, you sound like you are quite upset. You don't want DD to pick up on your stress or she'll get upset too.
I'm sure that your DP will be more careful in future after getting a scare this time.

specialsubject · 02/07/2013 10:53

wow. Calm down, it was a mistake and nothing happened.

you will be in A and E at some time during her childhood. She will fall,have bumps, get ill. Obviously you do all you can to keep her safe but this is a massive over-reaction.

Original poster
MummyOfSunbeam · 02/07/2013 10:57

Thanks everyone :)

I made sure even when I asked DH about it that he knew I see him as awesome dad of the year. And I have been smiling and playing w dd since it happened and she is very cheerful and hasn't noticed anything. (I typed this when she napped).

She is adorable. She is now awake and clambering around the bedroom going Aieee! And beaming.

I wi be more nonchalant next time :)

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 02/07/2013 10:58

She will at some point in life, regardless of how careful you are and how well you supervise her, fall over, bump her head, graze her knee, eat something she shouldnt.

It just happens. When she goes to nursery, she will fall over, she will have minor little scrapes etc. It isnt anyones fault, it isnt anything to be horrified about, its an accident.

You are going to have to calm down..because what if she falls and bumps her head on the day your dh is looking after her?
Because you seem to be doubting his ability to watch her already and there was no injury of any sort.

ShadowStorm · 02/07/2013 11:10

Take a few deep breaths and try to calm down.

And then either close the door to the nursery, and keep it closed until you've childproofed it, or get a stair gate fitted to the doorway to keep her out.

Careless of your DH to leave it there, but as it sounds like he was also shocked by this, and has promised to babyproof the room ASAP, you probably don't need to worry too much about him looking after your DD by himself. He'll probably be a bit more careful after this scare.