DH left saw at floor level behind bedside table where dd could reach it

[MummyOfSunbeam]

Ok - I am very distressed but may need to be told IABU. I hope I AM BU.

Dd is 9.5 months and been walking independently for a month so we have some gates up to try to corrall her a bit until the babyproofing is ready. Thw lovig room and bedroom are v babyproofed and DH has worked hard to help me on this - cables, tv, foam edging etc. he did the bulk of the babyproofing labour, though I have always been the one to point out the risks :(

Now dd has been walking in the hallway between living room and bedroom for a week, to get between the rooms, and he knows this - indeed he has encouraged it. She likes to walk and it is a safe hallway (bookcase attached to wall).

But. One room with be door always open right opposite the living room is rhe nursery-to-be - it is currently full offurniture from the bedroom (she is still in with us t the moment). We are using it also to dry and store clothes so it is absolutely crammed full of stuff. it ia not babyproofed yet (that is important to admit). It is PACKED with stuff literally no floor space at all. Stuff to eBay, clothes drying, boxes of baby clothes, three chests of drawers, big cupboard (from
bedroom) etc. i go in there daily to get clothes out and she is in my arms never playing in the floor .(no floor available!!)

However this nursery doorway is literally 60 cm away from the living room doorway. He has seen her walk up to and past it numerous times. He has seen her stand right by that doorway and sit by it.

And here is the thing that appalls me: just now I discovered that be had left a naked handyman saw - a serrated edge handheld thing - slid against the wall right beside the nursery door - he says it was BEHIND a bedside table in there for storage but when we saw it it had slid over and was balancing precariously right by the doorway where she could have easily reached it.

I found this out when I was in there just now to get clothes, holding her on my hip, I bent down to pick a t shirt up and the saw slid down and nearly hit her - it did hit my foot but by the handle.

Ony yesterday she was sitting by the doorway pulling things out of the room while I was preparing the pram in the hallway. I feel utterly sick. He knew that thing was right there by the door - although admittedly he says he thought it would stay behind he bedside table and not fall out or be pulled out. The room has not been babyproofed yet.

Ok - obviously I am unspeakably horrified. I instantly called him and asked wtf. And he was horrified too and w explained he didn't realise she was already reaching for things in that room. I do NOT think he did this maliciously - the room is chaos and very packed - and it was presumably behind the bedside table at one stage.

but I am appalled that he wouldn't realise it. it was ao easy to reach and and totally right by the door.

I am now nervous about him caring for her alone during my 10 h workday a week because this just seems too in-in-tune with risks to her? We were very pleased that his work are going to let him compress - I was far happier with that because then she would only have nursery two days a week, two days with me and one day with him. He ADORES her. But this kind I oversight seems to me to show lack of imagination re threat.

OTOH I could be over-reacting because I do overreact about her safety. Please tell me IABU considering the following:

• he says he didn't realise she was interested in the nursery doorway (he has seen her walk in the hallway and approach the doorway though. But I admit he hasn't seen her sitting by it.)

• the room is indeed totally full and hasn't yet even officially babyproofed. He explained that is why he didn't think of it yet. But leaving a naked saw by the side of an open doorway within reach of your walking dd is pretty damn astonishing.

• he adores dd. He plays with her for hours, hugs her, comforts her, reads to her, changes her, cooks for her - he was cooking until midnight last night because he wanted to learn new recipes for meals she might enjoy! (She loves lentils so be has hurtled off and found hordes of recipes. he hates lentils but is determined to give her delicious things she likes). He has wonderful games with her involving hats and toys. He has invented a song he sings especially to her and she loves it. He definitely loves her. He has been so excited - and nervous!- about having the chance to compress so he can care for her Tuesdays

He says he is horrified by what happened. He says he will go through the whole room and babyproof it tonight. I know he would never do anything to hurt her. But what worries me is that he didn't think it through. And if he can be that STUPID frankly then I am worried.

But please tell me IABU. I feel IABU to have ever carried her near the room but I had no idea we even owned such a dangerous thing!

I so read that as Pot Noodle Kansas...

The length of your post OP makes me feel you are panicking, and over-reacting massively to something that never happened. And I didn't even get to the end! I feel sorry for your DH.

Totally agree with Rhubarb. It sounds to me as though you have over-babyproofed your home. You can't prevent every accident ever from happening. she will fall, she will get bruised, she will cut herself (hopefully not on a saw left around by Daddy though!). That's how she'll learn. If you never expose her to any risk, how will she ever learn how to evaluate risk? I'm not advocating taking down all stair gates etc., but you say you've babyproofed the TV - how on earth do you do that???

I didn't do much - just stair gate at top and bottom of stairs, medicines in high cupboards. No locks on cupboards in kitchen, no foam on furniture. You only walk into a table corner once, then you learn.

Actually, having just looked back at a mass of toddler photos for a school project, I think we might have been on the wrong side of that fine line between 'overprotective' and 'bloody careless'.

Photo after photo of offspring sporting bruises, stitches, giant adhesive dressings, chicken pox scabs and varicoloured plaster casts... sometime all at the same time. Oh dear.

We do have several children, so the broken limbs were fairly equitably spread out (clutches at straws).

Wow. Foam padding furniture? Really? What happens when these ridiculously over-protected children go out into the world and find out that everything beyond the front gate isn't foam padded, stair-gated, baby-proofed and Health & Safety'd into oblivion? You're doing your children absolutely no favours at all behaving like this but you'll find that out I expect.

There is a fine line between being careless and just having common sense.

Carelessness dictates that the pan handles are all pointing outwards where a little hand can grab them. Common sense is turning the pan handles inwards and putting them on the back hobs.

If there is an obvious danger, of course you remove it. But your child has to learn how to evaluate risks as UC said. It is at this age when they learn what is safe to touch and play with and what is not safe.
These are invaluable skills that will stay with them. If you wrap your baby up in bubblewrap then they will lack these skills and suddenly, those things which are out of reach in their homes but within reach in other peoples homes suddenly become terribly exciting.

Teach her how to get down the stairs backwards. Let her bump her head on the corners of the table so that she learns to avoid bumping into things.

You cannot eliminate every single danger anyway and if your child is brought up with no sense of risk, then those dangers increase because your child hasn't learnt about cause and effect.

Now apologise to your dh for making him feel like the stupidest person on earth and for even questioning his abilities as a father.

We foam padded the coffee table because it was the perfect height to smack his head on, and he did repeatedly It wasn't necessary for long and it doesn't seem to have effected DS's ability to risk assess.

I can imagine finding the saw was really scary, and you suddenly thought of all the what-ifs, but I promise you, this will not be the last time you find your toddler reaching for a knife/finding a packet of ibuprofen someone dropped/sucking on a coin etc.

I never baby proofed anything, no accidents. We had a fire guard, but that was it.

and being in construction they have had plenty of access to tools lying around.

We rounded off the corners on our pointy cornered table too. We didn't want to end up with DS putting an eye out because he'd ran at full tilt into the pointy corner.

No foam padding etc on the rest of the table though. He can learn about not bumping his head on the flat bits of the table that are less likely to cause permanent damage.

no harm done. He knows now and nothing bad happened. Sorry but you do sound a wee bit like a hysterical mummy. If that happened in my house I'd say oh dear we can't keep that there and give it to DH to put somewhere else. I'm sure he realised after wards. Don't make him feel incompetent.

I never said I foam padded furniture.

Cripes.

blimey all this reminds me how glad I am that I'm not a new parent anymore. It's exhausting. All that needless worry and entertaining...........

You do sound like a really lovely caring Mum OP, but please do think about some of the things people have said on the thread. Really it is ok for a toddler to bang into something and have a bruise. It sounds like your DD is the centre of both your and your DH's worlds. Your DH sounds like he does loads with your DD (although cooking til midnight just because she likes lentils does sound rather like madness and rather PFB to me too....!!). Maybe you could chill out and let your DD learn some stuff on her own.

Please say sorry to your DH. The poor man has had a shock and a really hard time from his DW - and the accident didn't even happen.

Please relax, you'll give yourself a hernia!

You haven't got socket covers, have you?

More dangerous with them than without.

Enjoy these years.

[smilw]

Thanks :) we are a bit PFB I think. I am taking this all on board I promise. She has already had bumps and bruises inevitably from falling over and I have never got alarmed by them at all - I hug her and she cheers up wonderfully fast. Bf cheers her up instantly! But cuts would be more serious.

I wouldn't cook for anyone until midnight personally :) (hate cooking)

We have not got foam everywhere. As explained in my follow up post here is still lots of natural unavoidable danger in the house. That is fine. And my mil thinks I am recklessly cavalier. I am not. I am fine with my LO occasionally bumps in th course of learning. I am sure the independence we give her is why she is mobile so early.

As I also explained in my follow up post I made sure DH knows how much I think he is great dad. Even when I asked about the saw I made sure he knew that. He is cheerful.

Chaos no socket covers! :)

Ummm.

Ok

• backs out of thread very slowly-

MummyOfSunbeam with all due respect, your original post does not paint you in a cavalier light.

And, though I feel bad for saying this, don't you think you are just a teensy bit patronising towards your dh? Why does he need reassuring that he's a good dad all the time?

There's something about your OP and your last post that just doesn't sit right somehow. I dunno. I'm leaving anyway. Good luck.

Op's last post was not actually op, as far as I can tell...
The last post isn't highlighted on my screen, and on extra investigation I noticed a surplus 'S' in the username. Very curious.

Extra 'm', that would be. Miss Marple I'm not.