To want to kill my colleague

[MTBMummy]

I know this is really petty, but it's really bugging me

I struggle occasionally with keeping on top of my admin, so bought some stationary to help me prioritise and mark off my list of things to do, one of the items was a pack of new coloured pens - quite expensive ones at that.

Anyway colleague asked on Friday if I had a pen he could borrow to help with similar tasks and I offered him one of mine, and asked him to just pop it back on my desk when he was done.

So this morning, I notice he's still using it, and has chewed not only the end and the cap but the entire length of the pen too - I know I am being precious but it really annoys me. I definitely don't want this pen back, but but I look like a total freak if I ask him to replace it?

[ChasedByBees]

How bloody rude! Wear his watch, lick it and then piss on his office chair. That'll learn him.

[LatteLady]

He put it in his mouth and chewed it? I am incredulous... did his mother not teach him anything?

I am afraid there is only one answer to this, you need a complete new pack and he MUST pay for it, otherwise we move straight to a Sharia state and his teeth must be removed one by one for the chewing offence and then his hand chopped off for letting go of it and losing it.

Now, when I rule the world, everyone who deserves them will be allowed pretty pens and boys / men will work only with scratchy and blobby Bic Biros in manky blue. Also if you make a mistake in a notebook then a brand new one will be given to you immediately. And there will be gorgeous inks for fountain pens and no-one but no-one will touch my italic nibs. Won't the world be a nicer place when I rule, eh?

[Joiningthegang]

Killing him entirely justifiable

Top tip I only worked out recently
Stationery eg pens etc has an E as pEn
Stationary eg cars not moving has an A as in cAr

I love a way to remember!

[spangledboots]

Hmm...this is why I try not to let people borrow things that I'm bothered about. Some people don't have the same respect for others' belongings unfortunately.

I guess at the end of the day, it is just a pen.

[missorinoco]

That's right. It is just a pen. It was my pen, that i bought, so I would be grateful if you would just replace it. I won't make you upgrade for having lost it as it is just a pen.

See the thread on disposing of husbands for advice as to what to do with his body failing this.

[HooverFairy]

This would send me into a rage, I'd be furious. I think you should ask for it back but make sure the pen is in sight so he can't make up an excuse about not having it. Then I'd poke him in the eye with it.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"Response "It's just a pen""
It's not just a pen - it's your pen. I'd be considering poisoning his coffee after that .

[MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain]

What a complete bastard!

I have nice pens at work too - mostly I lock them in my drawer, but the day's 'chosen few' live in a heap pen pot on my desk. It's hilarious watching me scrabble round my desk to find a common ol garden office biro when someone asks to borrow a pen!

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

I'm officially married to the right man. I just told DH about this thread and at first he couldn't even find the words to verbalise his rage on your behalf. Eventually he stated that your colleague would be leaving the office with every single piece of stationery available inserted into his anal passage. Even he knows that you don't fuck with naice stationery.

[MammaTJ]

Kill him and you wil be let off in any court of law that I am judge of for mitigating circumstances!!

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!

[PipkinsPal]

It's not "just a pen". It's the OP's pen which she generously lent. If you borrow things you should return them in the same condition and in a timely manner. I feel your pain. I go potty in work if I put down a pen which then goes walkabout. When I'm on a hunt for my pen one of my colleagues quickly says "I haven't got it" because she knows not to take it. You can leave money laying about in work and it won't get touched but leave your pen laying about it disappears. I would let him know that he has destroyed your pen and thrown your generosity in your face. If you make him coffee, rub a little washing up liquid around the rim before serving. Bit childish still chewing pens though. I don't know of any adults that do that.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I told my dh this story, and he says he would say, "It's just a pen" too. I have pointed out that if he were to do and say this, and I were to find out, I would be sending in his testicles the following day, for the pen-bereft party to wear as earrings.

[PipkinsPal]

Seriously, he's lost your pen? What a twat. When I was stationery clerk in my old job and someone asked for a pen I would get them to prove it had run out. If they said they had lost it I would make them retrace their steps. It was the joke that no-one could have a new pen until pay day because I paid for them out of my wages.

[Hissy]

Hyperventilating.

Oh he must die...

Or get you vouchers for paperchase!

[youarewinning]

Naice stationary gets kept in a locked drawer.

Crappy company stuff kept on desk for lending.

I LOVE stationary - so feel your pain.

[ZacharyQuack]

He hasn't lost your pen.

He's eaten it.

[Oblomov]

Oh How funny. I do hate it when anyone borrows my stationery, actually.

[mummytolucas411]

As you're walking past his desk pretend to spot the pen (obviously whilst he is mid-chew or it will seem like you are looking for the pen), and say 'Could I have the pen you borro... Oh'. Then an uncomfortable laugh. And wait for his response.

[Morloth]

Bastard.

I jobshare, it didn't take long for everyone in my office to learn 'Don't Touch Morloth's Stuff'.

Just a pen indeed...

[Pollydon]

, This is the stuff of nightmares
I too am a lover of nice stationary & I would have KTB

[BlessedDespair]

The solution is simples :)

Have a supply of work provided crappy pens and your naice ones. Someone asks to borrow a pen, you hand them a crappy work one.

No naice pens will be harmed :)

[caitlinfound]

i was doing a quick look of how to stop chewers! In my case, its my sister and my mom! irks me!! But I think u should tell him, asking back for your pen saying you need it for something, look at it and then say ooww you chewed it! if he offers to pay, great. if not just dump it in the trash in front of him. You probably don't want it anyway? i threw out so many pens because my sister keep chewing my pens!

I think its just nasty and done by some people who don't care.

[EldritchCleavage]

I staged a full shouty showdown over my office scissors once. Though to be fair, there were other bullying issues with said colleague.

[LividofLondon]

When he's not looking take the pen, stick it up your arse, then put it back on his desk. Sit back and enjoy him chew is Then when you've had enough fun with that, go up and ask for your pen back, saying that it was a naice one that you'd bought yourself. Hopefully he will squirm as he realises he's ruined it, at which point you can demand he replaces it, like for like, with a new unchewed one. If he doesn't I think you'd be within your rights to stab him with it.