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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to shorten DD's name however I want?

73 replies

Thurlow · 01/07/2013 11:56

A petty one for a Monday morning, I know not bored at work at all, oh no, not me

DD has a long name, and we also chose a common shortened version to use regularly. For example, let's say she's Catherine, and we chose that name knowing we wanted to call her Katie, she would just have a full version on her birth certificate. However, as she's getting older I find that I'm starting to quite regularly call her Cat. It just comes without thinking, really, and isn't deliberate. But DP hates that shortened version.

This is only playing on my mind a little bit today because we were at a party yesterday and someone who didn't know us said to DP, "so you're daughter is called Cat?" and he said "no, she's called Katie" (with minor death glares in my direction). It made me realise that he really doesn't like the nn Cat.

AIBU to call her a nn I want to, or is it a bit rude to call her something her dad doesn't like?

OP posts:

PrettyKitty1986 · 01/07/2013 12:00

I'd say it was rude tbh.

I asked df to stop calling ds2 'Ols' (Oliver).

Plenty of people call him 'Ollie' or 'Ol' but the s on the end really grated on me.

You shouldn't have to cringe every time someone says your child's name.

everlong · 01/07/2013 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

treas · 01/07/2013 12:01

What does your dd say - surely it's her decision and nobody elses.

FrenchRuby · 01/07/2013 12:04

My dh calls my dd Ives, (Ivy) it drives me up the wall, I would say if your dd is old enough to pick she'd prefer then go with that but if not I wouldn't shorten it if it annoys dh that much.

Original poster

Thurlow · 01/07/2013 12:05

Sorry, should have said she's only 18m, has no preference and at the moment she responds to 'Catherine', 'Katy' and 'Cat'. And the shortening I use is a standard one for her name - when I see her name on a names thread both shortenings come up equally regularly.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 01/07/2013 12:06

Yes, I think it's rude to use a name her father hates.

Dackyduddles · 01/07/2013 12:09

Quite simply if HE did it, would you expect him to cease?

If so, do so. Only fair.

Scholes34 · 01/07/2013 12:09

Sometimes shortened versions of names just creep up on you and catch you unawares. If Cat, or whatever, comes naturally, go with it. If your DH doesn't like it, he might have to learn to live with it. The shortened versions of my DCs' names are not something I would have anticipated. They've just evolved.

I wouldn't stop someone using their own shortened version of a DC's name, unless it was offensive in some way, and I wouldn't consider the cringe-factor of an s on the end offensive.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/07/2013 12:10

Would you be ok with him calling her a nickname you hated? One that made your teeth itch you hated it that much?

I think if he really really hates it, it wouldn't hurt you to train yourself out of it.

That said, he isn't going to be able to stop others. As she grows older, her friends will likely call her something else altogether. He's going to have to accept that.

Peachyjustpeachy · 01/07/2013 12:10

kids pick up their own nicknames though. my sister called her child Emily-May and insisted on the full hyphenated name always.

then she went to a CM who called her Emily, then to school where they called her Em.

Dsis hates all of them except Emily-May!

MaxPepsi · 01/07/2013 12:11

I honestly don't see how it's rude.

You've already given her a nickname. You've now decided to use another one so she has two.

He's not going to be able to control what she calls herself or what other poople call her in the future so he needs to get over it.

Plus if he really hated a popular shortened version he should have thought it through some more before you chose her name.

SoupDragon · 01/07/2013 12:12

What the child calls herself is a completely different scenario. This is his partner calling their child by a name he hates.

livinginwonderland · 01/07/2013 12:12

Well, he can't control it forever, and nicknames sometimes just happen and they stick. My dad HATED my nickname at school an called me something else, which I HATED at the time. Now, I love the nickname my dad gave me and it's what everyone calls me these days :)

yamsareyammy · 01/07/2013 12:16

Did both of you have this discussion while choosing the name?
Because, ime, just about all names gets shortened at some time or another.

plainjaney · 01/07/2013 12:17

TBH I think kids grow into nicknames, it wouldn't bother me particularly and if its an affectionate name for her your DP has then its quite sweet I think.

My DS became 'Bert' at around 5, mostly because he insisted on wearing a little flat cap and looked like an old man. It did stick, by the time he was 16 most of his friends called him Bert and at 20 I still call him that. It's nothing like his real name but its an affectionate term and nobody seems to mind it.

DD, through a series of shortenings and rhyming became 'Belle'. It just evolved that way, she likes it. Her friends don't tend to refer to her by that name but DH and I do.

I guess what I'm saying is at some point she will decide what she prefers, in all likelihood her friends will call her something different to you and DH and the shortened name he gives her might become that little bit more special.

Original poster

Thurlow · 01/07/2013 12:17

Maybe I can tell him to think of it as training for when she is older - there is a shortening of her full name which is more popular at the moment and which neither of us like very much, I think DP was hoping that because that is a popular shortened version (and a name in its own right now) she might not end up being called it because she could end up as one of 3 'Kathy's', as an example, rather than being the only 'Katie'. But it may happen! I probably should have given the example Elizabeth, it's like that as in it seems to have about a dozen common ways of being shortened.

(Max, ironically it was his choice of name in the first place, but I think he didn't think through the many ways it could be changed!)

As scholes says, it has crept up on me. Sigh. This is going to be difficult to try and train myself out of

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EmpireBiscuit · 01/07/2013 12:18

Totally outing myself here but my FIL insists on calling my son, Isaac, by the NN Izzy. It drives me wild, I hate it but he still does it regardless. So if your DH really hates it and you continue I can see why that would annoy him. Or in my case want to punch my FIL in the face.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 01/07/2013 12:22

In your situation I think I'd ask myself how I'd feel if DH used a nickname for our child that I hated. If I knew it would make my ears bleed every time he did it I'd try to stop myself. There will come a time when you have no control over how she is known and nor will he but until then I'd want to try to respect his feelings too.

Beamae · 01/07/2013 12:24

Nicknames aren't permanent things and you can't force them. Your child might ultimately have a preference and introduce themselves as Cat, Katie or something completely different. Nicknames are fluid, surely. I have people who call me by my full name, others who call me a common shortened version, and others who call me something completely random.

You and your DH could easily call her by different nicknames. We already have about 5 for each of our children and use them all willy nilly. The difference is that we would introduce them to others by their full names. But then their full names are both nicknames anyway so we don't buy into that whole one name on the birth certificate, one name for everyday use shennanigans.

SoupDragon · 01/07/2013 12:24

Can you maybe change the nickname you use to Kitty which is v similar to Katie and means Cat?

chocoholic05 · 01/07/2013 12:26

My mil actually corrects us for calling our son by a nickname. Let's say his name is Samuel if we call him say Sam or even Sammy she always says you mean Samuel or his name is Samuel etc. My ds doesn't mind and we are the ones who named him! Rediculous!

squoosh · 01/07/2013 12:28

I don't get all the stress over nicknames.

Nicknames exist between the nicknamer and the nicknamee, as long as they're not insulting, I really don't see the problem.

The name belongs to the child not to the parent, the only person who should be able to stop the use of a nickname is the child herself.

Dad needs to chill out.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 01/07/2013 12:36

What Squoosh said.

Original poster

Thurlow · 01/07/2013 12:37

choc

I do actually introduce her by the agreed on shortening, as in a way that is the name we decided to call DD before she was born, and the long name is there to allow her choice when she is older etc. And when I'm talking about her to anyone I always refer to her by that name too. It's more when I am talking to her that I use this other nn. Maybe then that's containable to when DP isn't around, as I really do understand what people are saying about it probably making his teeth itch? That's a decent compromise?

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Original poster

Thurlow · 01/07/2013 12:39

Also, I think saying 'nickname' is confusing the issue, as it's not really a nickname, it's just a different way of shortening a traditional, long name.

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