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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to shorten DD's name however I want?

73 replies

Thurlow · 01/07/2013 11:56

A petty one for a Monday morning, I know not bored at work at all, oh no, not me

DD has a long name, and we also chose a common shortened version to use regularly. For example, let's say she's Catherine, and we chose that name knowing we wanted to call her Katie, she would just have a full version on her birth certificate. However, as she's getting older I find that I'm starting to quite regularly call her Cat. It just comes without thinking, really, and isn't deliberate. But DP hates that shortened version.

This is only playing on my mind a little bit today because we were at a party yesterday and someone who didn't know us said to DP, "so you're daughter is called Cat?" and he said "no, she's called Katie" (with minor death glares in my direction). It made me realise that he really doesn't like the nn Cat.

AIBU to call her a nn I want to, or is it a bit rude to call her something her dad doesn't like?

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 01/07/2013 12:42

I agree with Squoosh too.

I have stupid nicknames for my DCs (I sometimes wonder if people hear me in the street and think they are their real names . . . half expect to see a thread saying "Heard a woman call her DD xxxxx today, can you believe it?").

If my DH "hated" me calling them that, tough. It's between me and the DCs. If any of the DCs said "Please don't call me xxxxx" I would apologise and stop immediately.

adverbial · 01/07/2013 12:43

I don't think the OP is being rude. DH uses nick names occasionally that I don't particularly like, but it's a term of endearment from him and dc doesn't mind. Yes, and as long as they're not insulting there cannot really be any problem.

What's he going to do when others i.e. her friends and acquaintances use a shortening he doesn't like?

Although perhaps he was irritated because she was introduced by the nick name? Rather than full name Catherine "but we usually call her Cat"

curlew · 01/07/2013 12:49

I can't understand preciousness about names. You call her what you want to call her, he calls her what he wants to call her- and in 6 months time she will only respond to a third version of her choosing, and the problem will be forgotten.

thebody · 01/07/2013 12:53

Think your dh is a twit. most kids get nick names, shortened names at school so her name will get changed or shortened anyway.

All of my kids have family nick names as do me and dh.

It's family life. Tell your dh to take the poker out if his arse and call her what he likes and let u do the same.

valiumredhead · 01/07/2013 12:55

I agree thebody!

Startail · 01/07/2013 13:08

This is a total non problem parents have the right to call their DCs whatever pet name they like.

It isn't DH/DP or anyone else's business.

When she's older your DD will choose her own pet name and quite possibly change it again if there are four Catherines at senior school.

My DD is very particular how you shorten her name as she is one of two and they have the teachers trained not to confuse them.

Original poster
Thurlow · 01/07/2013 13:16

I don't agree it is entirely precious of him. As parents to be you choose a name you both like for you child, and we chose 'Katie'. Now I'm effectively calling her a different name: 'Cat'. Though I think Elizabeth/Eliza/Lizzie might be a better example, as Cat suggests what I'm using is more of a nickname than a different name. So I can see a bit why he's irritated - though obviously I still want to call her this different shortening.

I know kids chose/change their name when they are older but that doesn't always affect what the family call them. For example, both DP and DB have always been called by their full names by their family and by the common shortening by their friends, and this has never changed and never been an issue to either of them.

I think I'll try to just not use this other shortening around DP as plenty of posters have said they do/would find it annoying.

However I swear I am going to call any future DC by one-syllable names to avoid this!

OP posts:
bringmeroses · 01/07/2013 13:17

For the sake of respecting him, don't use Cat when he's around but when he's not, go ahead. Maybe introduce her to adults as the name you've agreed with DP; and people will give nicknames as she gets older. DP can deal with this gradually, you don't need to force the issue.

I once caused great offence by shortening the name of a friend's new baby, I couldn't believe it was something to get worked up over as I'd expect shortenings (and I like nicknames, they sound affectionate) but some people really are prickly about it.

teenagetantrums · 01/07/2013 13:33

I have a name that can be shorted to many nicknames, my mum hated it being shortened and insisted I be called by the full name, but my dad did call me by a nickname and he was the only that did, it didn't bother me, I quite liked it, it was his name for me, drove my mum mad but she got used to it. Most of my adult life all my friends call me by my full name as that is how I introduce myself, I don't care if someone shortens it to one of many names but most people don't seem to. So I would say call her what name you want to she will tell you if she doesn't like it, just introduce her as agreed name..

ItsDecisionTime · 01/07/2013 13:42

When deciding on my DDs name, I wanted something so that, when shortened, it was still a nice name. Plus my ex (her dad) is American and the thought of going down the Jo-Beth, Molly-May, Billy-Bob route horrified me. She has a classic name but I find that between the two of us, it's evolved into something even shorter that only I call her. She's happy with it, her friends don't know who I'm speaking to and her dad hates it. C'est la vie.

Original poster
Thurlow · 01/07/2013 14:33

True, one day I will no doubt get "Mother! Do not call me that!" and I will die a little inside...

teenage, please tell me he didn't actually suggest Molly-May or Jo-Beth?!

OP posts:
Nagoo · 01/07/2013 14:45

I call mine Troll Grin

I agree it's between me and the DC what they want to be/ get called.

3birthdaybunnies · 01/07/2013 14:55

I think that just calling her by your nickname when he's not there is ok, but it can really grate when people use a nickname unbidden. A close friend always call ds by a nickname- eg like rich instead of richard- despite us always using the full version and ds repeatedly saying 'my name is richard not rich', he's only 3 and it does annoy me on his behalf when he is called by a name which he doesn't like.

What she refers to him as if I'm not there isn't really any concern of mine.

ItsDecisionTime · 01/07/2013 15:59

Thurlow - No but I wasn't taking any chances Grin

Itsnotahoover · 01/07/2013 16:23

The problem with one syllable names is that they get lengthened which is just as annoying!!

Original poster
Thurlow · 01/07/2013 16:32

That's true - I have a one syllable name and it often gets lengthened. Didn't think of that.

Is there any name out there that people can't alter in some way?!

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 01/07/2013 16:55

We gave all our DC's names that we have stuck to, and so has everyone else. I would never shorten any of their names to something that THEY didn't like, but neither would I have dreamed of shortening them to something my DH didn't like when they were younger. I think you need to discuss what you are going to call your DD, something that you can both agree on, until she is of an age to have a preference. I have a huge problem with my IL's who insist on calling me by given name, in preference to my chosen shortened version, despite me asking numerous times.

amazingmumof6 · 01/07/2013 17:15

I hate cats.
calling your kid a Cat is cruel.
stop it

Bunny is ok

LineRunner · 01/07/2013 17:20

My DCs have nicknames for themselves, for each other, nicknames that I call them, nicknames that their father calls them, things that their friends call them ...

mrsravelstein · 01/07/2013 17:21

i've got a long first name with a bunch of very common shortenings/nicknames, all of which i get called by different people, and oddly all of them despite the fact that i never introduce myself as anything other than my long first name. nicknames happen, your DH might as well get used to it. having said that, i shorten ds2's name to something DH doesn't like, mainly because ds1 does it and i've unconsciously adopted it. i've noticed DH cringe a bit at times, but it was always a possible nickname with the name we chose, and i suspect it won't be long before all his school friends call him it too.

5madthings · 01/07/2013 17:27

We have this same situation but i am the one getting annoyed!

My dd is merryn, she gets called merry or mouse. But dp took to calling her mezza!! And i HATE it! The boys also started copying. I corrected them everytime as i really hate it! Tbf dp dorsnt do it much now. But it made me think of jeremy kyle..jezza...it just sounded awful!

EMUZ · 01/07/2013 17:27

I'm torn. Mine is a long name which is shortened by my parents. However one of them shortens it further then adds an s on the end Grin but I like it and only they use it
But I'd say what you actually choose and what gets used is two different things as I am generally known by my surname to friends

AnnieLobeseder · 01/07/2013 17:29

There are many ways to shorten DD2's name. I liked one contraction, DH preferred another. We went with his way. I got used to it. You can really call her two versions, it gets confusing. Family pet nicknames are quite another thing, but the name the child regularly gets called needs to be consistent, IMO.

Original poster
Thurlow · 01/07/2013 17:30

When they are too young the choose themselves, though, you do end up just saying what is natural? We did agree, so I am technically in the wrong, but it's such a nice shortening, other people have said so too!

amazingmum - yeah, tbf if I did have a Catherine, I can't say I'd ever call her Cat!

OP posts:
MmeLindor · 01/07/2013 17:32

Ok, just so I understand this. Trying out with different name scenario.

Your DD is called 'Beth' which is short for 'Elizabeth' but you only put 'Elizabeth' on the birth certificate to give her the option of using that when she is Prime Minister.

You and DH names her 'Beth', and introduce her as Beth to everyone.

But now you've started calling her 'Lissie' and that annoys him.

Is that it?

I'd say that's more than a nickname that the father doesn't like. It's a completely different name. And I can understand him being cross, cause you agreed on Beth.

Unless you say 'she's Elisabeth and we call her Beth or Lissie' (which makes you sound terminally indecisive).

Saying that, once she gets older she may well decide she wants to be called Betty and then you'll both have to lump it.

My DD moved school last year and introduced herself with a nickname. They all call her that, not her real name.

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