to be a bit tired of being told how HARD breastfeeding is going to be?

[badguider]

I have always assumed I would breastfeed, my mum breastfed me and my brother who was 7yrs younger so I have clear memories of her doing so.
Most of my friends have breastfed, at least for the first few months, and one is an extremely extended breastfeeder and peer-supporter (though she lives the other end of the country frome me now).

Yet now I am less than 10 weeks from giving birth, all I seem to get on online forums, and in the ante-natal groups (the nhs classes and my ante-natal yoga/birth prep class) is 'prepare for how hard it's going to be'... I don't really know HOW to prepare for how hard it's going to be... I mean, you can't really learn how to do it till you've got a baby and a nipple in your hands can you? I've watched some youtube videos...

It's almost worse than the 'birth is going to be the worst pain you've ever experienced in your life, it's so bad you can't even imagine it' messages...

All around me are people saying that everything is going to be so awful and so hard... like it's their duty to make sure I am never less than 100% anxious at all times...????

I have to admit that being forewarned about how difficult breastfeeding could be actually helped me through the first month. I knew it wasn't just me doing it wrong and that I should seek support to help. Maybe it made a difference that the women who had told me about it being tough had in the main bf for 12+ months themselves so I knew the difficulties weren't insurmountable.

I have to admit that if I'm asked now I do explain it was difficult, but also add how i worked through these difficulties and that I'm still exclusively breastfeeding now

This is a no win situation. If we are warned about the difficulties of babycare then we take that as negativity, but if nobody warns us we're like Wtf why did nobody tell me.

I was told bf was marvellous, easy etc then sobbed with wretchedness every time DS refused to latch. One of the many contributors to my pnd.

Perhaps if we admitted how hard and how life limiting breast feeding can sometimes be, we wouldn't have so many demoralised women feeling like crap mums before the parenting journey has really even started.

Might help some men to appreciate exactly what their partners are going through too.

I had tons and tons of support by the way, but it was still shit. Support only goes so far. HCPs don't get up in the night to feed your baby, nor do they have a secret baby language to make the wee one understand what to do. You have to do the work yourself.

If I knew how hard it was going to be I know I would have done it for longer.

As it was I thought it must be the wrong boobs so gave up,had no idea every one of my friends was having a hideous time.I may well have battled on for longer if I had have known that it isn't as easy as plonking a baby on a boob and that many struggle- oh and it bloody hurts!

I honestly think that the NHS should make it clearer how intense and - yes hard- it is in the first weeks. And how way it is once you have it cracked.

I had no idea how frequently a newborn would feed, three hourly?! A joke - sometimes newborns feed for three hours continuously! As someone else said it is emotionally knackering too - I felt overwhelmed that I was the only source of nutrition and life for my baby. And it was agonisingly painful ! I screamed while feeding.

But - 4 weeks in and it was easy painless and I was so glad I had kept going. I carried on for ten months.

I personally always tell people if is hard because I think if they know that the pain is normal and that it will get easier then they are more likely to perserve

You are unreasonable op -
We have really really low rates of bf in the UK and I think that is because people have no idea of the intensity of those first few weeks and are not prepared

YABU!

I definitely wish I had been told how hard it could be. I think if someone had told me in the first few weeks it WAS going to hurt I would have been less worried I was doing it wrong and kept going. Saying that I think the midwife who helped me after birth latched my daughter wrong which didn't help as it made me very saw.

My experience of bf my 7mo DD has been very positive, and we're still ebf. BUT... One of my closest friends really struggled with BF. And I'd trawled around on the boards here for long enough to know that people do have problems. So while I had extremely sore nipples for the first week, while she cluster fed in the evening for the first 8 weeks, while I had a few seconds of sharp, toe curling pain when my milk started at the beginning... I knew that most of it was normal and it would pass. And it did.

I think your expectations going into it have a big part to play in how well it works for you; I expected to be stuck to the sofa, I expected it to be a bit sore in the beginning. And because I expected it, I knew it would pass and that helped me cope then. It's easy now, she feeds for 5 mins and is done - the only thing I have to contend is that she likes to pop off and have a look around halfway through - not a problem at home but slightly more so at Yo Sushi...

Oh, and if your baby loses weight immediately after birth and is regaining but hasn't reached their birthweight by the 'magical' arbitrary ten days, tell your MW that you're not going to supplement just yet. My mw started making noises about giving DD formula at 10 days, in the same sentence in which she said that they know it can take bf babies longer to regain their birthweight. I politely told my mw to fuck off that we'd carry on as we are for the time being. DD is fine.

(Oh, and I had an induced birth. That was fine too )

Useful preparation I wish I had done before the baby was born:

found out what support was available locally in case there was a problem (much easier to look up a few phone numbers beforehand when you have time on your hands)- if you never need them it will do no harm

read enough breastfeeding literature to recognise what A Problem looks like- again if you never need it, it will do no harm

planned a realistic schedule that allowed for the fact that in the early weeks breastfeeding takes up most of your time

devised some suitable entertainment (music etc) for those long hours in the armchair

Those things wouldn't have depressed me or put me off breastfeeding, but would have made life easier.

But it is hard for most women the first time!

I gave up with dc1 for the first day or two until my sister forced me to do it. I remember crying and saying it hurts too much and it's not my fault I've never used my breasts before and dsis replying "yeah like I used to go rock climbing with mine!" I had to shut my eyes and just push through the pain for a few hours and by the end of day one I worked out how latching on worked and the pain had gone and I was feeding dd.

If dsis hadn't given me that kick to do it, I would have just given up and bottle fed. So make sure you know where you will get support from if you do face difficulty. Your mum will be perfect for this if she's close by.

my baby fed every hour in the day for the first 6 weeks. I could have looked at this as a woe is me this is sooo hard but I just thought well this is what babies do and got on with it. I did have the odd moment when ff looked attractive but it was fleeting.

In some respects she could have been considered a nightmare birth / feeder ie intervention, induction, emcs, tounge tie so if i had have had a pop on and go baby first time I probably would been horrified by this baby!

As it is Im quite to with the flow. I don't like making plans because plans are made to be broken! I think you should go into bf as 'if I can do it I'll do it - if I Can't I can't' and don't beat yourself up - they're not going to starve.

I can only add to the great advice you've been given above. With DS (now 4) I struggled massively, my milk seemingly never came in and I mix fed till 7 weeks before stopping trying to bf.

With DD (now 3 months/13 weeks) I bought the bottles and formula and was thoroughly prepared to move to ff at the slightest problem but she has fed like a dream since day one! I thought I'd just try to get as far as I had with DS but now I've done more than double the length of time and I'm still going.

Knowing that it can be awful is a good thing to know, so you don't necessarily think you're the only one struggling if it does end up like that, but equally, knowing that it can be a breeze is also great. And a mix of the two of course.

Every woman and every baby is different.

Oh and stock up on Lanisoh. Stick it on after every feed - don't wait for any nipple problems :)

Well, after a weekend of socialising visibly pregnant and therefore attracting all the unasked for comments of... 'breastfeeding is so hard', 'birth will be worse than the ninth circle of hell' and 'you'll never be able to do anything you want to do ever again'... and the worst ones which are all the 'you have to PREPARE for all this hellishness' 'have you PREPARED enough?'..

I spent all of last night tossing and turning and totally unable to sleep as I just couldn't relax.... I have taken on the advice of the books I have to read before the birth about birth and breastfeeding, and my birth class place is where the LLL meet so I know all about that, but honestly if it's all that awful I don't see how any more I do now will help... It's too freaking late to get un-pregnant!!!

I know some people on here said it's not that bad and can be quite nice to have a baby but real life people all seem to be fixated on the hellishness.. anyone would think they regret having their children (and god knows why most of them have a second if what they say is true)

I think I'm going to have to decline all social invitations from now on except for nights in with our very closest friends as I can't hide the bump anymore and I can't be doing with all this.

i found breastfeeding a pretty easy, 3 times. I dont know why people always presume its going to be difficult. Most issues were fairly easy to overcome.

If it was that bad then why would people go on to have 2nd and 3rd babies? OK, giving birth wasn't the most fun I've ever had but having a newborn was amazing, I loved it. I loved breastfeeding. I'm pregnant again and can't wait

Actually I wish someone had told me it can be hard.

At my Nct class it was all about letting the baby find their way, they magically latch and ta da! They feed!

I wish! DS wouldn't latch and I had no milk supply. I didn't realise until he lost a lot weight and was screaming in hunger.

Have all the support info ready just incase. Make sure at hospital the mw teach you how to get baby to latch. If it works for you then great, but things don't always go to plan.

YANBU - I too got very tired of being told how hard everything would be!! You are your own person, and will have your own experiences. When in late PG I just quite bluntly stopped people when they started to tell be horror/hardship stories about PG/birth etc. In no way are these stories useful to you.

I would say, ignore. Focus on getting a support network around you to support you in the early days. For me BF was amazing, natural and relatively easy (I did it for 14m & then 16m) - I had some nipple pain issues for a couple of weeks both time, but nothing that was too dreadful.

Everyone has different experiences. But it is perfectly 'normal' to have a lovely time BF.

I got so sick and tired of all the negative stories and statistics that PG women are bombarded with. There is a huge fear factory/industry aimed at PG women, which is a real shame. Remember, although many new Mums do have issues with BF, we would certainly not have progressed so well as a species if BF was widely dreadful and problematic. The stories re difficulties & problems are the exceptions - but they are headline grabbing. "I fed my baby easily and beautifully" is not newsworthy.

Also be aware of the "industry" currently with its sights on you. BF itself does not make anyone ££££. But feeding the anxiety new Mums feel and inflating the problem some people encounter with BF do - ie people will look at you so buy this Shield/cover. Feeling anxious about BF in public? - here buy this top/dress. Buy this book/pillow etc etc. There is a huge industry with vested interest in feeding new Mums anxiety.

I suggest you stop reading all the books and stories - you know what you need to know now. Cultivate your network of wise/older women to support you. Focus on being relaxed and fear free (you might find some hypno-birthing relaxation exercises really helpful - I did). And go for it.

Best of luck.

PS - the thing with BF, even if it is hard for a few early weeks - once you and your baby get into the swing of things, it is incredibly easy and opens up many many options for you.

Take each day as it comes.

It is hard for teh first few weeks.I went into it open minded,i never knew anybody who breastfed.But to me i never had problems,no mastitis or engorgement problems really.

I think it would be more useful to give practical tips.You will be a milk cow for a few weeks till it settles.They will have growth spurts and you will be absolutley starving.I couldnt believe how much i ate.
And just feed on demand,i think there is to much clock watching and expecting them to be routine at a few days old.

Just go wiht the flow and it should make it 100% easier

I found breast feeding easy but very very painful for the first 4 weeks. I think this is why most women give up. I have a high tolerance for pain but it was 10/10 for the four weeks and I thought it was never going to get better. I dreaded feeding time, but it DID get better and i'm so glad I persevered.
Reading on baby sites the advice was that if it hurt then baby wasn't attached properly... This is not the case in my experience.
Get a tube of lansinoh nipple cream in preparation and it will help loads with the soreness.
I suppose it's hard not being able to do the things you want because you have to be there to feed but if you can express milk too then that's a big help too.
Good luck

It might not be so hard at all if you prepare yourself reading lots about what is normal for a breastfed baby, positioning etc. I loved it !

Bad guider sorry to hear you're having a wobble, I think it's very normal. I've just had my second DC and during the pg I definitely had a few moments! Shame I'm not one of your friends, I always tell pg friends how lovely it is to have kids, how worth the hassle they are! Aftervhearing all the portents of doom, bet you'll be bowled over at how great all baby related experiences are!

Badguider I gave birth at home twice with only paracetamol for pain relief.

I have BF all of my DCs DD2 is still BF at 3.8, I also tandem fed DC1 and DC3 then DC1 and DC4.

What I have concluded is that you all you can do is try your best, somethings will work out well and be a breeze, other things might be harder than you imagined.

I worked myself up into a frenzy and even delayed having children until my mid 30s as I was so frightened about it all.

Chill out and remember if I sit here and tell you how easy it will all be I will be called a smug, yoghurt, knitting lentil weaver. If I tell you how hard it will all be I will be a prophet of doom and gloom setting you up for emotional trauma.

It will be what it will be, you can however inform yourself as to how things might be so you can be prepared for all eventualities.

All you can do is try your best. Good luck, and remember if you prepare for the worst it can only ever be better.

Badguider, I'm worried about you. I don't think it's normal for you to be losing sleep over through worrying about breastfeeding. Even if breastfeeding doesn't work out, for whatever reason - and it will probably be fine, but even if it isn't - there's always formula to fall back on. Your baby will get fed. It will all be fine. BF is preferable, but if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It sounds like you have some anxiety issues going on - have you spoken to your GP/midwife about it? I really would talk to them about how your concerns are affecting you.

Oh my god.

Breastfeeding.

It was so bloody hard. And painful. And CONSTANT.

I wish someone had told me.

I don't think people mean to stress you out. The idea of telling you is to stop you worrying if things don't go according to plan. The problem is it has the opposite effect. I think it's up to you to make your mind up not to get stressed and just take people's advice as it's intended.

The two things I wish somebody had told me about were:
1) breastfeeding doesn't always come easily (certainly didn't for me although I persevered and cracked it in the end and I loved it),
2) (tmi alert) you pretty much have a very heavy 6 week long period after giving birth. I expected about a week or so of flow similar to a heavy period. I'd bought some Boots maternity pads for my hospital bag and thought they'd be fine - they weren't. DH was sent on an urgent shopping trip when DD was just a few hours old to buy me heavy duty incontinence pads because they were the only thing that worked!