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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit tired of being told how HARD breastfeeding is going to be?

136 replies

badguider · 30/06/2013 21:54

I have always assumed I would breastfeed, my mum breastfed me and my brother who was 7yrs younger so I have clear memories of her doing so.
Most of my friends have breastfed, at least for the first few months, and one is an extremely extended breastfeeder and peer-supporter (though she lives the other end of the country frome me now).

Yet now I am less than 10 weeks from giving birth, all I seem to get on online forums, and in the ante-natal groups (the nhs classes and my ante-natal yoga/birth prep class) is 'prepare for how hard it's going to be'... I don't really know HOW to prepare for how hard it's going to be... I mean, you can't really learn how to do it till you've got a baby and a nipple in your hands can you? I've watched some youtube videos...

It's almost worse than the 'birth is going to be the worst pain you've ever experienced in your life, it's so bad you can't even imagine it' messages...

All around me are people saying that everything is going to be so awful and so hard... like it's their duty to make sure I am never less than 100% anxious at all times...????

OP posts:

FaddyPeony · 30/06/2013 22:25

badguider, you're probably in that horrible run-up to your first baby stage where the birth and baby are the most bizarre concepts you'll ever try to get your head around. You are being told on all sides what to expect but experiences differ so you're not sure what to expect. Only that it will be VERY HARD. Or else that it will be AMAZING.

Can I suggest that you go out and buy some extremely gripping novels that have nothing whatsoever to do with pregnancy or babies - and spend the next ten weeks reading them? it might give you a bit of relief.

The only other thing I'd say is try to give your friends/the mothers you know a bit of a break. Women don't really get to talk that much about these things in most situations in RL - pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding - these aren't really seen as professional topics of conversation or as the 'big issues' or whatever - more like silly 'mummy wars' stuff. So really the women you're encountering are just talking about their own experiences, be they good or traumatic, in an environment in which they feel OK to do so.

Congratulations and very best of luck - you'll be fine.

Feelingood · 30/06/2013 22:25

I think you've been given a balanced view.

Reading in a book that a baby can bf every hour is not the same as experiencing it.

I thinks for all the instructions/advice/support from the bf counsellors and groups - there is no one there at 2am / 3 am etc and that whiney pinned to the sofa time when you are feeding constantly between 5 and 9 pm.

Im not saying this with a negative approach to put you off - maybe just to say what you have heard is realistic but please remember we all have different thresholds for metal and emotional stamina - maybe this is why you feel at odds.

I find my toddler easy compared to my 7yrs olds but others grossly disagree it depends on your child and you.

Its all unique - take positive and take on board ALL info with an open mind. sounds like you have a lot of experienced support This is great.

I found bf just as successful with first as with second.

ThoughtsPlease · 30/06/2013 22:26

I have breastfed 3 DC and found it pretty straightforward. If you were a friend of mine I would definitely tell you not to be anxious and not to anticipate that it was going to be hard.

I appreciate that it can be very different for others.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 30/06/2013 22:26

Yes I think it's a British thing. During my first pregnancy only 1 person said how lovely it was to have a baby. Everyone else was 'oh mke sure you sleep now - you won't sleep for the next 40 million years' etc etc etc. Jeeze.

Tigresswoods · 30/06/2013 22:30

I was worried & like you expected to BF as I remember my mum & Aunty feeding. Do you know what it was easy. No one in hospital showed me, I just got in with it & it was the most natural thing ever. No soreness, DS gained weight, no issues at all.

However he did feed A LOT & the tiredness is a bitch.

You may find it all easy but at least you'll be prepared.

Loa · 30/06/2013 22:30

The only thing I think it is worth mentioning to you is that there are growth spurts when the little buggers do seem to feed none stop - there is one around 6 weeks.

I found it helpful to know this - as I knew it wasn't going to go on forever and was normal.

I found a lot of mother I knew who tried bf gave up about then as they got given bloody awful advice - about topping up and tales about them not producing enough.

TempusFuckit · 30/06/2013 22:34

Oh and actually, I personally think the difference between fucking nightmare experience #1 and blissful experience #2 was getting my latch checked several times - almost hourly - while still in hospital. Don't be afraid to ask for help, even if it's just to check you're still on track.

stargirl1701 · 30/06/2013 22:34

I wish I had known how hard it could be. I read up on labour & birth but not on bf. I wish I had. I ended up with blood poisoning from infective mastitis.

Best tip: read The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.

maddening · 30/06/2013 22:38

The hard thing is the sleep deprivation and relentlessness of it on top of recovering physically from birth and pregnancy with hormones thrown in - nothing can prepare you - and the "how are you going to cope with a baby comments" drove me mad - like any other new parent - you cope.

But it was also a great time for catching up on tv and watching whole series' that I never knew existed or never had time for as bf glued me to the sofa - and I look back on that time fondly - snuggling a baby (fucking knackered ) watching ER or whatever during a growth spurt.

You never know you might get one of those "mythical" ( and I say mythical as mine was a non sleeper unputable down baby :)) easy babies.

And when all is said and done there's a high chance like most others that you will want to do it again - so it can't be that bad!

Gwlondon · 30/06/2013 22:38

As some people have said if you have a good birth there is not much to tell people about. Eg Gave birth quickly, no pain relief and made the doctor laugh in between contractions. Not much of a story! If you have a hard time you want to talk about it to help get over it.

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 30/06/2013 22:40

I think one of the big things with BF is that those who have a nightmare tend to feel a bit bruised and traumatised by it. There is a big vocal group of people who (understandably) want to talk about it being tough.

Added to that, those who find it easy often get called smug.

I found bf a piece of cake. Week or so at the start with DD1 being a bit nervous. Knockers like Dolly Parton for a few days (would have happened even if I had planned to ff). Other than that, a whole world of easy.

You will probably be fine. And if you're not there are lots of people to help.

WhiteShakette · 30/06/2013 22:41

Badguider, chances are it will be all absolutely fine. I think people are mostly talking out of their own experiences when they appear to be talking about you. Personally, I talk to no one about breast feeding, because while I was prepared for it being initially hard, it never occurred to me that I would not be able to do it at all, and that is what happened (I had primary lactation failure ie. no milk came in at all). The chances you will suffer from the same thing are tiny, and I never mention it in RL because I was so desperately upset about it for so long. For what it's worth, none f the rest of my NCT group had any problems with BF, and my FF baby, now a toddler, is in blooming good health. Good luck!

InspectorRebus · 30/06/2013 22:42

I fed DS1 - tiring, and cracked nipples, but fine and worth it.

I would gladly have fed DD, but she couldn't - I cried buckets, but I know it was just one ofthose things.

Feelingood · 30/06/2013 22:45

thoughts please the point s it can be hard for some women, whether is the latch, tongue tie, sleep deprivation, a fussy partner, or the emotional dependance - you don't know, i think its its better to have a balanced view of possibilities to prepare mentally. i think this puts a women in better place to bf.

candyandyoga · 30/06/2013 22:50

Ah the naivety of a first time mum to be... ;-)

Breast feeding IS hard and it needs perseverance in the majority of cases. You have no idea yet of how hard it can be, why are you so whipped up about people telling you that?!

maja00 · 30/06/2013 22:53

Some people find it hard candyandy, it's not true to say it IS hard.

Eyesunderarock · 30/06/2013 22:53

Too much advice is always bad. Are you asking or are they volunteering it?
if it's the latter, just put up your hand and say 'I don't want to know'

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 30/06/2013 22:57

Candy - Nope, it was dead easy. Twice. Breast feeding can be hard. It can be easy.

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 30/06/2013 22:59

By the way OP, I think you need this

HopHopHoppitySplash · 30/06/2013 23:02

Birth won't necessarily be bad, mine was so painful but so exciting, I would genuinely look forward to labour again so it can't be so bad!! It's an experience, look at it as an exciting part of life you're about to have rather than something to worry about.

And personally I didn't find breastfeeding too hard. I think people often expect too much of themselves in the early weeks, and think baby is taking too long/not getting enough milk so on because of these expectations. If you just go with the flow and prepare to spend a lot of time on the sofa/in bed feeding and cuddling to start I'm sure you'll be fine. Don't pressure yourself Good luck!!

AnythingNotEverything · 30/06/2013 23:02

It's so lovely to hear that bf can be easy. DS was so knocked out after birth he wouldn't latch, so I expressed for 6 weeks until moving to ff.

This time I want I ebf, but I've been really really worried about it. I'm prepared for it to be hard, but it's nice to know it might not be!

KatyTheCleaningLady · 30/06/2013 23:03

Breast feeding was very easy for me with all three children. I was even able to supplement with formula. Not nipple confusion or supply issues. It was like falling off a log for me.

Funghoul · 30/06/2013 23:04

My dd is almost 7 weeks and I assumed I would breast feed. I am in a fashion, although I'm expressing the milk and she has it from a bottle as for some reason she just never got on with feeding from me (not for lack of trying!). Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
I agree that too many people want to tell you negative stories about labour, breast feeding, sleepless nights etc to the point that I told people that if they've nothing positive to say then I don't want to hear it.
Dd is my 1st and I went (and go) into everything with an open mind and a supportive partner.

Ps labour wasn't that bad for me and the actual birth not traumatic! The room was calm with no screaming swearing or threatening of dp's balls and a lovely atmosphere to welcome dd into the world with. Just something that isnt so negative for you

maja00 · 30/06/2013 23:08

I think Hop is really right about expectations - the people I know who found breastfeeding (and having a newborn in general) easiest/most enjoyable where those who had no expectations of routines, sleeping alone, regular feeds with gaps in between. If you can just go with it and expect to just feed, hold and sleep together for the first few weeks it's not such a shock.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 30/06/2013 23:10

Absolutely spot on there Hop

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