to be a bit tired of being told how HARD breastfeeding is going to be?

[badguider]

I have always assumed I would breastfeed, my mum breastfed me and my brother who was 7yrs younger so I have clear memories of her doing so.
Most of my friends have breastfed, at least for the first few months, and one is an extremely extended breastfeeder and peer-supporter (though she lives the other end of the country frome me now).

Yet now I am less than 10 weeks from giving birth, all I seem to get on online forums, and in the ante-natal groups (the nhs classes and my ante-natal yoga/birth prep class) is 'prepare for how hard it's going to be'... I don't really know HOW to prepare for how hard it's going to be... I mean, you can't really learn how to do it till you've got a baby and a nipple in your hands can you? I've watched some youtube videos...

It's almost worse than the 'birth is going to be the worst pain you've ever experienced in your life, it's so bad you can't even imagine it' messages...

All around me are people saying that everything is going to be so awful and so hard... like it's their duty to make sure I am never less than 100% anxious at all times...????

YANBU - there's no point going in to these things expecting them to be difficult. As others have said, definitely best to keep an open mind. I was very much of the breast is best ill and it all came very easily, physically. However, for some inexpicable reason, I absolutely hated it (not down to pain or body confidence issues)! Came as a bit of a shock when I'd expected to love it so much. I gave up after six months.

YANBU - people often big up the challenges of breastfeeding because they want to justify to the world why they've stopped doing it.

The majority of women stop breastfeeding within a few weeks in the UK, because it can feel a bit overwhelming at times and there is a widely used alternative available in an instant if they decide to stop.

But the reality is this: most women who really want to breastfeed CAN exclusively breastfeed, if 1) this is what they're determined to do and 2) they get decent and timely help if they're struggling.

Hope all goes smoothly for you.

It might be a 'British' thing - in that I was told by my midwife that women with paler nipples tend to find it harder going than those with darker ones. I went through a couple of weeks of agony, but it was worth it. I thought it would be easier with no. 2 - sadly it was just as painful.

Hopefully you won't have the same issues that I did, but if you do - it is temporary, nipples toughen up and it gets so easy it's ridiculous - and I didn't have the benefit of lansisoh which I believe REALLY helps!

badguider - id just like to say it was the easiest thing in the world for me but I think part of the reason was because I was just intending to "give it a go" and if it didn't work it didn't. The whole getting up warming bottles in the middle of the night scenario seems like such a mugs game to me - roll out of bed, grab baby, latch on holding baby with one arm and a good book in the other hand I read lots of books while feeding!!

I did have a rather surreal moment the day after id given birth when a midwife told me I had "wonderful nipples" I can categorically say that's the only time another woman has ever said that to me.

I do know people who had a horrendous time and made themselves really really unhappy (and ill) over it and I do feel its because we are made to feel like we have somehow failed if we didn't breastfeed. No one who is worth knowing will make you feel bad if it doesn't work, just do what works for you

I never managed to express - I got stressed as the machine made too much noise and it just didn't work for me - was just a bit milking parlourish for me!!

DC 1 I fed for 10 months (until he started biting) and DC 2 for over a year - neither of them are going to give me a medal for it...in fact they would be quite grossed out at the thought

Bf was horribly hard and nothing prepared me for the lack of support, lack of direction and downright shite from the HCPs i wrongly thought were there to help me.....
However I did work thought it and we are still happily bf at 13mo. BUT I shudder at the memory of the first 3 months, particular the first 6 weeks. The photos of my DS are a horrid reminder.... he looks like a famine baby. Thank goodness we could afford to pay for help and I found the local NCT bf cafe and my local LLL group invaluable. I would never have made it through otherwise!!!
The best things I did to prepare for bf was:

1. read The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
2. Find out where the Nct bf cafe was and meet my Nct group there in week 1 (the dads drove us!)

and

1. to book a post natal doula to come in 2 mornings a week for weeks 3-7 (DH was overseas so I needed help in the absence of family. She was fab and recommended a LC to come visit)

I hope you are one of the luckily ones who takes to it like a duck to water. In my Nct group (8 of us) I was the only one who had serious problems requiring intervention. The others all got it to work for as long as they were interested. At 13 mo only 2 of us are still bf. we all made it past 3 mo, which I understand is very rare.

Good luck. Good luck. Good luck.

It's not as bad as everyone says, yes it is a new skill for you and the baby, practice makes perfect, once you both get into the swing of things it is so easy and really a lovely thing.

I think approach it with the attitude that it can be tricky at first getting latch right (or in my case, getting my ds to even want to latch), cluster feeding no one warned me about, if you need help there is so much out there, kellymom I used a lot and was very informative, tictoc's advice on the breast feeding thread, I went to a local fortnightly breast feeding group (mainly for the cake!), analytical armadillo is great too. Look forward to it, they grow up too quickly and it really is the best start in life you can give.

Two sides to this - on one hand I think it's true that nothing can prepare you for the realities of what it's like actually having your baby and all the overwhelming changes to your life it brings.
On the other hand - if women stopped going on about how tough breast feeding is and that so many people have problems etc - and instead concentrated on making sure there was tons of support to help women to breast feed then many more would do it and there would stop being such a stigma of fear and scare stories around it.
Personally I enjoyed breast feeding and found it my best tool by far in dealing with a baby that wouldn't stop screaming and was a bad sleeper. But it was painful at first for a couple weeks and if I hadn't had my mum around telling me it was fine and I wasn't doing anything wrong I would have felt totally demoralised and a failure.

Its hard for some yet easy for others, was pretty easy for me. But have seen it being very hard for others, some of whom kept on going others decided just too hard.

No point in stressing about it, the one thing I'd say is that if its uncomfortable or you have worried seek help sooner rather than later.

At least they are not telling you how easy it will be, so that you could feel a failure if it doesn't work out. :)

I didn't find it particularly difficult, but I found it very useful to know about latching techniques and bf positions before DS was born.
Then, let down was initially very painful, but it got better after a couple of weeks and I really enjoyed breastfeeding, which I did until DS was 13/14 months.

Each mother-baby double is different, though.

Haven't found it hard at all, apart from the first time and then I was still numb from the epidural. DD is now 5 months and I feel comfortable feeding anywhere. I'm intending to carry on as long as she wants to feed for.

I found it really useful to get the latch checked every time in the first couple of days when I was in hospital. When I got home afterwards I rested and spent m

Time getting bf established and waited for a couple of weeks before any visitors so we could get feeding established. It took me a little while to get the confidence to feed outside the house but the more I did it, the easier it got. Hope that it goes well for you OP.

I'm BFing DS2 (11 wks). DS1 was BFed until 13mths. Getting started in the first few days was a bit by hook or by crook, not helped by a difficult birth (which depleted his blood sugars). Then there was the common soreness and engorgement issues. By 6 weeks, it was all going well and the only issues I had beyond that were the two upper teeth grazing a bit, and bottle refual. But by and large, it was a very satisfying experience.

This time I have the confidence from having done it before which is helpful as I've been having thrush issues which at times has made me very sore, but seeking help from the HVs, and BFing club at the children's centre. I am confident that I'll pass through this and be able to BF him as long as I want to, and hopefully long past 6mths again. I'm trying to improve his technique which can on unfortunate occasions be like simulataneously sucking spaghetti and doggy paddling. Not. Nice.

I think that being aware of issues is useful and that BFing literature can be a bit too rose tinted for its own good. Like we're all well aware of the variety of experiences people have in pregnancy and birth, except for many people, BFing is more unknown. When I've had glitches along the way, I've focused on the convenience, laziness, and recycling of calories to keep me going for another feed or another day.

(PS DS2 birth: good labour, rough ending, positive chilled experience for most of it, ecstatic to have achived a VBAC. Natal Hypnotherapy Birth Companion CD highly recommended!)

PPS buy Lansinoh. Lots of it. A tube for your feeding sites and one for the changing bag. It's the best thing for avoiding glitches.

Yanbu. You have heard from everyone how hard its gonna be but you are determined to do it and all you naturally want to think about is that.

What i never realised though was that wether you succeed or not has nothing to do with you sometimes..

My one piece of advice would be to have bottles and formula and everything you would need to ff just in case. If you never use it then brilliant.
.i was discharged from hosp on day 3 and ds had fed well but is tounge tied. Got home at 11 pm and by midnight he was non stop screaming til he was goibf purple he was that hungry. He would not latch on through no fault of mine.. his tounge tie meant he coukdnt sometimes. He was so worked up i felt like i was starving him and sent dp out in the middle of the night to get stuff . Just prepare for any scenario. Gpod luck!!

I found it easy.Baby born stick on nipple started suckling. Job done. Then just carried baby around in sling feeding and still went to the beach, meals, pub, met my friends etc. I fed wherever and will get my boobs out for all and sundry so made it v simple.It didnt hurt me, and I read no books, attended no classes or groups or even spoke to the health visitor. Dont listen to others, just wait and do your own thing.

DS and I have been lucky so far - he's had a lot of other challenges, but the actual feeding has been great! Straight after the birth they put him on my chest, he wuffled around for 10 minutes, latched on and off we went! I appreciated BFing even more after he had to be on fornula for 2 weeks due to other medical issues, pumping and Ffing was such a pain and I missed the closeness and easy soothing of BFing.

The reason you don't hear more stories like this, though, is that lots of babies and mothers really do struggle with it - they are more likely to go online seeking support and help, and their challenges also make it feel very awkward to share happy stories without feeling smug, especially when so much is down to luck. As you've said, there is a limited amount you can do to prep, but reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is a good and bf-positive start. And when your baby comes along, I hope that you are one o we lucky ones!

Definitely hard, but not insurmountable!

Yanbu as there is no point being stressed about it. There are so many variables out of your control. The type of birth you have can make a large difference for a start.

However, it amazes me how many people don't prepare for it. By being aware of problems and solutions ahead of time, can make the first few weeks much easier. I stocked up on some book including 'Food of Love' and 'The womanly art of breastfeeding'. I also had a good read on the feeding forum on here and read links to Kelly's mom. A lot of the same problems come up time and time again. Knowing the difference between what was normal and what was a problem also helped. For instance, I had a lot of friends give up because they didn't have enough milk.

YY, to being prepared for feeling 100% responsible. Pre reading up on breastfeeding I thought babies all just fed every 4 hours. Not that they should be offered every 2 hours during the day(plus more when cluster feeding and demanding it).

As a side note. Labour and breastfeeding don't have to be difficult. Bf my first son was very very easy. Currently bf my 3 week old ds2 and it has been really tough (lots of tears). I have been lucky though as I had two relatively easily labours (the second one especially).

I remember when I was pregnant with my first and I only ever heard doom-mongering from friends, family, colleagues and professionals. I thought everything would be so hard, from an emergency c-section to unbearably painful breast feeding. It is for some, but I practically spat my babies out and feed them painlessly and easily from day one. So try not to concentrate on the negative stories, it really can be easy and good. Teenagers though...that's another story, that can be an absolutely shit experience.

People love to tell you horrible things when you are pregnant. Just nod and smile. And ignore.
I had no problems breastfeeding either dc. I would go so far as to say it was easy. Fed dd1 until 31 months, dd2 is still going strong at 13 months. I don't think anyone told me it would be hard, apart fom one friend who told me to buy bottles and formula just in case.
Unfortunately, the advice gets worse after the baby is born. Good luck.

YANBU

It's the same as people who try to scare you about the birth - totally pointless and unhelpful.

Plenty of unhelpful midwives and HVs out there too unfortunately saying things like "if your nipples are a bit sore you're not doing it right etc..."

I'm pretty sure it's just because not many people (that I know at least!) are used to having their nipples sucked every two hours every day and it takes a bit to get used to it lol!

I'd go on the assumption that everything's fine and then worry about getting help IF you have a problem.

I read lots of "instruction" leaflets on BF and some of the diagrams were confusing! When baby came out she poked around for a minute then helped herself without too much hassle so that was that :D

Never understood all the "nose to nipple" stuff either. I just naturally assumed I'd shove it in baby's gob and it does seem to work ;)

Breastfeeding was a piece of piss for me after both emcs.

Just wanted to add my experience :)

I think people are just trying to prepare you for the worst, but it doesn't have to be like that. Out of my nct group of 7 babies, I am the only person who didn't manage to establish bf (cluster feeding really doesn't mix with epilepsy it turns out). 3 found it easy, 1 had tt and 1 had found it difficult but managed to get there in the end (twins!) As others said though, you won't hear their stories because they don't want to sound smug. Just keep an open mind and hopefully you'll be one of the lucky ones who finds it easy.

For me it really hurt at first. Really hurt. But got through that and its easy and brilliant. I think thats what the advice is trying to do prepare you for it being more painful than you may have been led to believe but stick at it its worth it. A breastfeeding book I read compared it to going to the cinema. You wouldn't decided to see a film, travel to cinema, park, queue up, pay for ticket, pay for popcorn, sit down just as film starts leave the cinema. Do the hard bit and get to enjoy the good bit. Very American pro breastfeeding book but that matched my experience!

I wish someone hard forewarned me how shit it could be and then I might have stuck with it, but I ended up formula feeding DS because we just couldn't get the hang of it.

It's all very well promoting bf and telling pg women how it's so much cheaper, better for the baby's health and how you'll bond etc., but there's not much support when you leave hospital a few hours after giving birth and have one mw visit the day after you get home and another 10 days later. True I could have googled it, but I thought it was supposed to be natural and easy, and didn't realise so many other people experienced similar problems, I thought it was just me!