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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to never have this workman back for any other jobs because he let himself into my home silently when I was actually in?

34 replies

MargeSimpson · 30/06/2013 17:00

I am still reeling from this incident on Friday and wondered how other would have reacted:
We are having a bedroom re-plastered and decorated by a painter and decorator, Mark, who was recommended to us. As there are various coats that have to dry, he has been coming and going between our house and his other jobs. I work part time and gave him a key on Tuesday as I work Wednesday and Thursday, so he could let himself in when I was at work. On Friday I was having coffee at home with a friend. Both our cars were on the drive. Mid-morning I stayed in the siting room whilst she went to the loo and as she came out of the bathroom she screamed because Mark was standing outside. Obviously this gave her a terrible shock. I ran upstairs. Mark had let himself in without ringing the door bell or shouting out hello, and walked quietly upstairs.

I was aghast and said to him "Why didn't you ring the bell, you've given us a fright?"
He replied crossly"Well that's why you gave me a key.... ok -I'll go and ring it now!"
He started to go downstairs!
Seething at this, I said as calmly as I could" You don't have to ring the bell now, but please ring the bell next time you come, in case someone is in"
He then said petulantly " Well I'll give you your key back then"
I said "No, I want you to finish the job but I would prefer to know who is in the house. You could have caught me naked or in an embarrassing situation, didn't you see the cars outside?"
Mark"No I didn't look!, none of my other clients mind if I let myself in"
Me " Well. I do so please don't give me any more scares"

(NB he must have seen the cars as he has been parking on the drive but had to park on the road on Friday)

My friend was horrified and said she thought he was very rude.
Anyway he stayed and did the paint priming. I took him up a cup of tea about half an hour later when we had a normal conversation about paint colours.
Hopefully he will finish in the next couple of days, so I shall get the key back and have vowed never to have him back. My husband think I am over reacting.
AIBU?

OP posts:
MalcolmTuckersMum · 30/06/2013 17:05

Putting aside the wisdom (or lack of it) of him having your key for who knows how long no - I don't think you are over reacting. I think he's completely out of order and not a little bit weird for doing that. I wouldn't have wanted him back at all actually.
And about that key - I dunno - I'd be getting the lock changed tbh - I'd just never feel safe again, whether that be justified or not.

SwedishEdith · 30/06/2013 17:06

I'm with your husband. Is this a joke or are you trying out your novel-writing skills? I'm surprised he didn't "quip" anything

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline · 30/06/2013 17:07

YABU in that you gave him a key to let himself in and he did just that.

YANBU in that he was rude when you spoke to him and he should have rung or at least called out if he'd known you were there.

SisterMatic · 30/06/2013 17:07

If I had keys to a job and saw that the owner was in, I would knock. Or at least open the door and shout hello very loudly.

You could have been in the bath or anything.
Not on really, and his attitude was quite unprofessional.

StuntGirl · 30/06/2013 17:08

Why on earth did you give a stranger your key? I'd get thr locks changed and get him to come down on the days you're in.

Tee2072 · 30/06/2013 17:10

I would never give some random work man my key anyway. They would need to work around my schedule.

Get your key back. And change your locks.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning · 30/06/2013 17:12

Someone writing a book, Ffs [yawn]

Yanbu

Original poster
MargeSimpson · 30/06/2013 17:34

It really upset me and has haunted me for the last 2 days as I felt, and still feel so vulnerable. I can assure you i have never had any inclination to write a book! (I don't understand that comment?)

He is known to our friend and neighbour who is a carpenter. He described him to me as "slightly odd but does a good job"

We have a house alarm but because I didn't tell him how to work it we didn't have out it on on the days I knew he was coming. Normally we would set it so I feel safe lending a key. Well up to now I did. I really do feel like changing the locks.

OP posts:
Jan49 · 30/06/2013 19:24

I think he was just getting on with his work and as you gave him the key he used it. He was rude when you spoke to him about it and that plus the fact that your carpenter friend described him as "slightly odd" would put me off using him again.

Why would you be naked or in an embarrassing situation when you knew you had a decorator coming and going? I also don't understand why your friend would scream at finding someone in a house she was visiting. Unless the person had a weapon in their hand, surely you'd firstly assume they had a reason for being there, especially as I imagine your friend knew about the decorating.

You and your friend both seem to have over reacted. You're reeling, aghast, seething and haunted and your friend screamed and got a terrible shock.Hmm Are you using a Thesaurus? If so, try looking up synonyms of "calm down" and you'll be fine.Smile

aldiwhore · 30/06/2013 19:34

You actually feel haunted by this?

You should not be giving a key to anyone in that case.

In future I guess you could, when handing over keys, say "I don't know when I'm going to be in or out, so do us a favour, just shout hello when you come in, I am liable to beat unexpected guests round the head with a saucepan" Then smile.

Lesson learned, no big deal, he was a bit sarcastic, you spoke to him aghast probably a little too school m'am to be reasonable.

If someone is described to you as "slightly odd but does a good job" I'd probably hire him (I like odd people) but I wouldn't be giving him a key, or I'd make sure I was out and my knicker draw locked.

Littlefish · 30/06/2013 19:39

I think you are completely over reacting. You gave him a key and he used it.

mycatoscar · 30/06/2013 19:40

Yanbu

I use a dog walker who has a key to my house. One day I'd stayed home with sick dd and forgot to warn her I was there, she noticed the car and lights and shouted hello loudly when she came in.

He wasn't wrong to use the key but should have called out to check you knew he was there.

Beatrixpotty · 30/06/2013 19:58

I've got builders at the moment,they do have a key and nearly always ring the bell before letting themselves in.I didn't ask them to do that and actually don't care if they don't as they are working in the basement where I don't go.But ringing the bell for these builders is obviously common practice and not an unreasonable expectation so I
can see why you are upset.
I expect if you had asked him to ring the bell before using the key he would have done.
Next time just lay out the rules at the beginning.
Some tradesmen are really professional about everything but I've also had ones who do things I don't like eg using & leaving dirty 20 mugs,sprinkling sugar all over the kitchen and leaving it like that for me to clear up once I came back from holiday.
I didn't think anyone would do that so I hadn't told them not to,but sometimes you have to point out what you think is obvious.

maras2 · 30/06/2013 20:01

Sounds like an intro to a bad porn movie.Sorry that you're upset OP but sheesh get a grip.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 30/06/2013 20:02

No, I wouldn't judge him on this, but I would have another word when I'd calmed down and friend is gone, and say there seems to be some cross wires, and calmly say what I expect. I'd ask if he would be able to do this, and if he gave the impression that he's not bothered, I'd ask for the key back and say that he would have to work when I am available to let him in, and his other jobs would have to fit around mine, not the other way around!

I've had a whole stream of men working in my house fixing things lately, and on the whole, the only one I wouldn't ever invite back for more work was one for the workers' mates, who was just standing around chatting and doing no work and had no reason for being there. He completely ignored me as much as he could and when I asked him pointedly if he was staying and did he want a cup of tea, he couldn't even manage to be friendly, and just said no and pushed past me through the door! If I ever need an electrician, I'd do without electricity altogether sooner than allow him to set foot back in my house!(Yes, he turned up again, unannounced again, the next day, I found him standing in the doorway to the kitchen, in my way... After that I said everyone arriving had to ring the doorbell and speak to me first, as it's not a building site - and even if it were, I'm the owner and I outrank the site manager. No non-workers on site! Grin )

zoobaby · 30/06/2013 20:08

The letting himself in is not so bad. The not shouting out is inconsiderate (I would do this even if expecting a property to be vacant, courtesy just in case). But the smart-arse sarcasm of going back down to knock... Grr!

Swerving · 30/06/2013 20:36

My work takes me into peoples homes. I would always ring the doorbell first anyway if I had a key to let myself in.

When I am there and the owner is there I always clip my bunch of keys onto my jeans so that they jangle whenever I move so that they know where I am in their house.

I do think it is well out of order for him to not have made his presence known. But if you were told he was a bit odd like that then try to accept that it is just his way. If you are uncomfortable then do not use him again. Go by your gut instincts every time.

HotCrossPun · 30/06/2013 20:41

OP loves an adjective Grin

lustybusty · 30/06/2013 21:24

I think YANBU. A little OTT, maybe, but not U.
When I visit my mum (I lived in the house with her for a year, but I don't see it as "my" house iyswim?) I call her and let her know roughly what time ill be there (I live 250 miles away). I then call her when I'm 10 mins away (so she can put kettle on Grin) and unless I know she's in bed, I arrive, put the key in the lock whilst ringing the doorbell and shout hello... I can't imagine doing less for a stranger!

BackforGood · 30/06/2013 21:29

It really upset me and has haunted me for the last 2 days as I felt, and still feel so vulnerable. I can assure you i have never had any inclination to write a book!

Really???

What a complete over reaction.
I give two or three people who I've know for years, and who do jobs around my house my key - oddly enough, to let themselves in.... why else would you give them a key ? Confused
If he's not someone you are completely comfortable having in your home, then don't give him a key.
YABVU to be so rude to him, and I don't know about you not employing him, I think if I were him I probably wouldn't accept work from you!

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/06/2013 21:45

"AIBU to never have this workman back for any other jobs because he let himself into my home silently when I was actually in?"
YABU for that reason - if he is used to letting himself in to various houses, it was just a lack of thought on his part.

BUT - I wouldn't have him back because of his churlish response to you saying he'd given you and your friend a fright ("He replied crossly "Well that's why you gave me a key.... ok -I'll go and ring it now!" He started to go downstairs!") So YANBU to not use someone who has been rude to you.

Pilgit · 30/06/2013 23:00

Yanbu. I don't let myself in to my mothers house if I know or suspect she'll be in. Letting himself in is one thing that could be forgivable but not letting you know he was there -totally inappropriate!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 30/06/2013 23:06

MN is a weird place at times.

YANBU what he did was weird and his reaction to being called on it even more weird. I would have taken his key off him and told him to take his stuff with him - he's creepy.

That coming from someone who has had a lot of workmen in and out and doesn't mind them having a key - at all.

If you are writing a book - make it a good one :)

megsmouse · 30/06/2013 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReadytoOrderSir · 01/07/2013 01:22

I read the descriptions of him and his actions and wondered whether he was on the autistic spectrum? To take your instructions so literally just strikes a chord.