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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel saddened about " breast feeding covers

378 replies

Theas18 · 30/06/2013 12:43

lady on the next table in the cafe I'm in ifs beat feeding a lovely month or so old baby under a huge bib.

maybe she feels " happier about it" and all that but really. What do you see for a happily breastfeeding b baby-the back of a sweet little head? no big deal and very normal.

Why are we ( society) doing this to mums and babies. surely a 6 month old won't tolerate it anyway, so I guess they give up then :(

OP posts:

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 21:39

spots I think people are criticising society for making women feel that large boobs or fussy babies should be covered up. That the only acceptable BFing is discreet Bfing

How women react to the social pressure is of course up to them entirely and no one should stick the boot in.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 21:40

fakebook would you prefer to live in a society where you would feel comfortable Bfing without covering up?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 30/06/2013 21:41

I don't know ICBINEG - perhaps you're right but it doesn't feel like ashamed is exactly the right word for me - more a discretion/modesty/shyness type of thing ?

But completely agree that breastfeeding was great for me for body confidence - partly because not amply endowed but they bloody worked didn't they !

josiejay · 30/06/2013 21:43

I bought a breastfeeding cover as a gift for a friend who had just had DC2. She had mentioned to me that she had felt too self conscious to BF her first child in public which had led to her mixed feeding, which had then led to her giving up BF earlier than she had planned. This wasn't because of anybody being negative about it towards her, simply she is quite shy on general and very very private about her body (ie would never use communal changing room etc).

She absolutely LOVED the cover, it enabled her to feed wherever and whenever she wanted and she did so for a whole year. She said it was the best baby gift she had ever had.

So yes, YABU.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 21:48

juggling see, I think modesty is a weasel word in general. It is kind of like saying that it is not only normal, but to be appreciated and rewarded that people act as though their bodies are something to be ashamed of.

If you take more extreme examples, people think it modest to cover hair and even their entire bodies, heads and everything in some cultures.

See my hair is nothing special, I am not proud of it, or ashamed of it..it's hair! But I imagine I would end up feeling self-conscious about it if I spent enough time living somewhere where everyone covered their hair out of modesty. I would also imagine that seeing hair would become more sexualised in a society that keeps adult female hair covered in public although that is speculation on my part.

So imagine a society where women are as free to go topless as men. Breasts are significantly desexualised from the situation as we have it now, and people think literally nothing of taking their breast out to feed a baby.

What is the downside of this situation?

Fakebook · 30/06/2013 21:49

ICBINEG, I'd feel comfortable living in a society where I could dress and do as I please without people noticing irrelevant things such as this and make a big deal out of them.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 21:50

fake and do you think you have that now? Coz I don't. I think if I want to go topless for convenience their would be a serious problem and everyone would be commenting.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 21:51

grr there not their

Fakebook · 30/06/2013 21:56

...Breasts are significantly desexualised from the situation as we have it now, and people think literally nothing of taking their breast out to feed a baby.

See, I think this is exacty what separates us from animals. We're supposed to be a civilised race. We have evolved differently from animals which means we have the need to wear clothes and keep ourselves modest.. By all means, if a woman wants to pop her breasts out to feed her baby or walk around topless, I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but there are and will always be people who will. We will never devolve.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 21:57

honestly I don't get why people are up in arms about this thread.

I am sad that I feel uncomfortable taking my clothes off in a changing rooms - I wish I didn't feel that way. I am sad when friends feel uncomfortable feeding their babies in public - I wish they didn't feel that way.

BF covers are a symptom of the fact that people feel uncomfortable doing something I wish they could be able to feel comfortable doing.

So why is wrong to be sad when you see the proliferation of BF covers?

Am I supposed to be happy that people are uncomfortable instead?

Fakebook · 30/06/2013 21:58

Also, our climate would never allow us to go topless all the time.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 21:58

fake we have a need to be modest? wtaf? We have a need to keep warm! or cool, or keep the sun off. modesty is a bullshit social construct to make people view their anatomy with shame.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 22:00

fake so you think that the amazon tribes where women go topless by default have failed to evolve sufficiently?

fuck me.

modesty as an evolutionary trait my absolute ass!

Fakebook · 30/06/2013 22:02

Modesty is what makes us human. It's a human trait. It's not something we've been conditioned into.

If you think it's bullshit, then you won't believe in monogamy either and hump whatever person you fancy when you feel the need for sex.

Fakebook · 30/06/2013 22:03

Haha, I never thought about those tribes. I will have to read up about them before I comment.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 22:04

ahh so amazonian tribes people are sub-human now.

fake you really need to think about what you are actually saying.

Also the 19th century called and they need there moral standards back.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 22:07

well okay I will take back a little of my previous post if we X-posted. The point is that clothing is absolutely a conditioning thing. Places where it is unnecessary have totally different attitudes to nudity.

Modesty is most definitely NOT what separates us from animals. The ability to use clothing when it suits us might be a part of it...but not the insistence on it....that is mostly thanks to people (men) trying to control other people (women) in any way possible.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/06/2013 22:12

I think using fire to cook our food is what separates us from other animals actually. Only species in the world to do so.

mrsjay · 30/06/2013 22:13

am sad that I feel uncomfortable taking my clothes off in a changing rooms - I wish I didn't feel that way. I am sad when friends feel uncomfortable feeding their babies in public - I wish they didn't feel that way.

feeling uncomfortable in a changing room is your issue loads of women just strip off get changed and go about their day

mrsjay · 30/06/2013 22:15

Modesty is what makes us human. It's a human trait. It's not something we've been conditioned into.

If you think it's bullshit, then you won't believe in monogamy either and hump whatever person you fancy when you feel the need for sex.

that people do not want to show their bodies to other people they dont want looked at It is the norm to wear clothes christ on a bike even the cave l mummies wore a fur to keep warm

intheshed · 30/06/2013 22:18

But mrsjay, it is the norm for mammals to breastfeed their babies! And it is not immodest to breastfeed without a cover, which is what your posts now seem to imply.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 22:20

alis yup tool use and fire in general is mostly wear it's at.

I actually cannot believe anyone is so brainwashed they think that modesty is encoded in our genes.

crazy.

It must be on the Y-chromosome...coz men have no problem stripping off...and going topless...

I will have to ask my friends in the biology department, where they think the modesty gene is...and why only those cultures heavily influenced by Victorian ideals seem to have one...

The whole idea is the most tragically laughable I have encountered on MN since I accidentally strayed into a young earth creationism debate.

KeefRegina · 30/06/2013 22:21

I am really looking forward to the media breaking out with stories next week of women walking around topless in protest at breasts being sexualised.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 22:21

I think what Mrsay is saying is that anyone who gets their breasts out to feed is a sub-human animal, with a faulty modesty gene.

ICBINEG · 30/06/2013 22:22

keef I think it would work though...I mean what if every friday was topless friday....people would soon stop getting excited at the slightest glimpse of nipple?

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