daughter and step kids

[heavenmum28]

Hi I need some advice. I have 2 girls 10 and the other 6 months. I also have a step son who is 9 n half and a step daughter who is 7.
My daughter is sharing a room with my step daughter and my step son has his own room. Our baby is in with us still as we have no room for her in the girls room.
My step daughter has started peeing in her sleep and I dnt mean just in the bed. She also gets out of bed and does it on the carpet. The smell in there is horrible. She also hides dirty underwear when she has peed or pooed her self :-(. My step son also has toilet issues. He poos himself alot and always hides it in his room or cupboards. Again the smell is unbearable. I think it is very unfair for my daughter who has never had issues with this to have sleepin her room and put up with the smell. Shes a very tidy n clean girl and is always tidying up after her step ssister and has now actually started wearing rubber gloves n a mask when shes cleaning the room. I have told her I will clean the room as its not fare on her to do it all the time but she insists on doing it as she always has. Am I being unreasonable to ask my partner if his son and daughter can share a room and my daughter goes in the small room and eventually have our baby in with her. I must also add my daughter goes to stay at her grandparents most weekends and 1 maybe 2 nights in the week just so she can lay in bed and enjoy breathing with out smelling a toilet basically. I want her home with me some weekends but she hates being in the room. How canI bring this up with my partner with out it sounding like im picking on his kids. He knows the toilet problems they have and has tried dealing with it. Please help
Nikki

But the OP says they have been seeking professional help. She says they have been to the GP on a number of occasions and the school, who are offering counselling. What more would you want her to do? She's clearly spoken to DH about him helping deal with this better, isn't this his responsibility too?

From her posts, I get the impression she's been trying to get it sorted and if you want to get angry at anyone, get angry at the DH and the DM of the children. Why take it out on the SM who seems to be doing what she can in a difficult situation?

For the fucking last time I have been trying to get help. I have been going doctors I have been speaking to the school and I he is seeing a councillors. Nothing is working. I have been dealing with it for 2 years so thought I would try a nice web site with sum nice parents who could give sum advice that doesnt involve all that I av been and am doing. Sorry but I have 4 kids to look after so my phone isnt glued to my hand to keepcheck my messgaes on hhere. Surly if I was that wud b another reason 4 u to call me a bad mum.
If my daughter wishes to wear rubber gloves to tidy her room just like I do every day when im doing house workthen thats her choice. And yes aactually I have treated her and myself to fancy rubber gloves. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Thank u to all the lovely people on here with ur inbox messages saying how nasty sum people are.

sock, really, two years on and its only now its worrying her? Any child in your care is your responsibility. But I was very clear in my first post when I asked what the parents were doing. No answer to that

No you asked a snippy question about PR.

She's clearly said she has been to the dr and several other things,it sounds very much like this child has 2 parents who are lacking and one step parent who has absolutely no legal standing to do anything fighting against a tide of apathy and inappropriate disapline with limited resources but trying who also needs to consider her own children.

But you used it as a opportunity to rip into her,troll hunt and generally do a bit of faceless bullying.

And not that its fuck all to do with u but yes I am a young mum. I was 16 when I had my daughter. I was 22 when me and my partner now started dating. We didnt move fast at all in to living together or aving a baby. And didnt do n e of it with out talking to all the kids first about it. And it was actually my daughter and his son that introduced us and tried fixing us up in the 1st placecuz they was best friends at school and would often go to the others house after school for tea.

Heavenmum,

Your onto a losing battle with some people that occasionally stick there heads about on here.

Unfortunately we have a few people who will instantly react to things like spelling and text speak and use it as an excuse to jump all over a poster and accuse them of all sorts no matter how painful the subject matter,they think it makes them look clever and witty when really it says much more about them as people and very little of the impression they give is complimentary.

They also tend to make targets out of people who come across as less academic because it gives them a chance to use what is probably there only skill in life. Just ignore them don't rise to the bait you've had a bit of good info on here focus on that and ignore the childish stuff.

You seem very keen to pass any responsibility on to your kids - the wetting, the cleaning, how you got together.

Have you tried family therapy? If not, would you consider it?

I know it is difficult to access such resources, but this has been going on for so long now, hopefully you would be seen as a priority.

I wonder if the focus is being put entirely on the children when it might help for you all to have someone to talk to, as this is a worrying problem for you all. And I do think it is likely to be mostly an emotional problem. You all need help in how to deal with it.

Heaven is it possible it is recent behaviour and that is why you never noticed? You could try and say the oldest gets their own room but have to share later? You could then put the Lino down in one room while you try and sort out the problem. Are they scared? Do they share at their Mums? Put a potty in the room and see how it goes. Do they have a torch to cross the landing to the loo? I do think that the mask needs to stop....

Sock thank you so much you have been very kind with all your words. Like I said before I have now got some very helpful advice off a much kinder website with PPL who know what I am going through and know how this can make you and the family struggle.
And if I write a message in text language they do not care. How pathetic and hurtful some PPL can be on here. I pray to god you never need advice on a bad situation and get accused of neglecting ur kids when you have been doing everything u possibly can to fix it. It is a discrase how u can talk to sum1 in need of help like that.
So goodbye mumsnet. Good riddance nasty bullying adults and goodbye socks :-)

Op may be try and get this thread moved to parenting. You will get lots of helpful advice there.

You sound very caring and good on your partner for being the main parent. Not many dads would step up or get custody.

On the mask front, I'm a nurse and we are not allowed to wear masks when cleaning up patients as it could make people feel judged, smelly or dirty and feel that they had done something wrong. Which they haven't obviously.

If you both wear gloves to do all the house cleaning that's one thing. Putting on gloves just because of pee will make you dsc feel uncomfortable, even if they seem fine with it.

If your struggling to get help with this, go back to the GP and be firm. There are people that can help