To be miffed

[Mullinsamy]

We have attended a friends wedding today. Not best friends but close enough. The things that have annoyed me so far:

1. They left my teenage son off the invite, just me, DP and DS2. I thought this was just an oversight but there was no place for him at the sit down meal.
2. We were put on a table of what I can only describe as the table where nobody knew anyone else, at all. Like outcasts and away from our mutual friends.
3. No meal was provided for DS2 - he is a toddler and when I queried this, I was told that we were expected to just share ours.

I probably am being over sensitive, but I spent the ceremony outside, looking after their toddler as he wanted to scream through the ceremony. I am now outside again through the speeches.

I do agree with that, Pinkflipflop.

YABU - for choosing to AVOID clarifying the invite status of DS1 with the bridal couple however uncomfortable this would be for you.
YAVBU - for then PLOUGHING ON and taking him despite him clearly not being invited when YOU WERE CLEAR he was not invited but you did not have the COURAGE to clarify ahead.
YAVBU - to then COMPLAIN that there was no place for DS1 when YOU CHOSE not to clarify and he was clearly not invited.
YABVU - for not assuming "POSITIVE INTENT" re the family invitation - ie that the couple kindly asked youngest children to make childcare arrangements for easier guests.
YABVU - to complain about helping with their toddler - either volunteer and DO IT GRACIOUSLY or say no if you dont want to do it.
YAVBU - to complain about the seating plan - guests should expect to MAKE AN EFFORT to mingle and socialize with new people to make a social event a success.

YANBU - at all to expect your toddler to be fed at an event.

You are CROSS because of the outcome of actions you chose not to take (checking invite status of DS1) and then actions you chose to take (taking DS1 regardless, looking after couples toddler)

Looks like a passive/aggressive and in-assertive approach which is a recipe for naval gazing, blame and inner bitterness.

Looks also like someone who takes more than they give and have unrealistic and shewed expectations of others.

I think getting an invitation for one child is pretty clear. And if not, it was the OP's responsibility to phone and check, and not go if she wanted both her children there. It was rude to take along an extra guest, I honestly don't see how anyone could justify that.

And I love the way the OP has already made up her mind that she was ok to behave as she has, and has come back but not answered so many points put to her.

That always gets on my nerves too!

The seating plan - its usual and actually what you 'should' do is mix the guests so that the two sides join

Are you sure your toddler was invited?

Your son wasn't invited. Why would you assume he was?

How bizzaire to invite a toddler but not the older sibling. Inviting one child but not the other I can only understand if it's an exception made for a young baby where organising a babysitter is impractical. If you're good enough friends to entertain their toddler, they shouldn't be picking and mixing over family. Invite children, or don't.

Not providing food for a toddler is appalling. We fed DS1 off our plate until he was 10 months when he needed more than we could spare. At 2 yrs he can eat as much as me. That would leave us ravenous in order not to have a starving peed off toddler, which doesn't make for a happy atmosphere. Being warned is one thing. Not catering for an invited guest is rude.

How old is your toddler? I wouldn't feed a 16 month old for example. Yabu for turning up with your uninvited ds. Are the other kids there family / people who have travelled long distances? Would love to be a fly on the wall when your ds didn't have a seat. How was it dealt with?

Again: I have not posted about this before, nor did I query with the bride for aforementioned reason.

Ok:
I did not query I thought it was a genuine typo. I have never known an invite to exclude one dependent child.
I took DS1 because he is part of my family. Is there any other reason needed?
Any other points need answers?

Again, how old is your toddler? Are the other kids there very young / family / travelled a long way?

Yes. Do you still think what you did was reasonable?

My toddler is 17 months. I don't know how far others travelled. I know there were locals though.

No food provided for children under 5, you said? Really? Parents of 2 or more toddlers must have loved that.

I think it's weird of them to put one child on the invitation and not the other, so I can see why you just took it to be an error and didn't check with the bride.

So what happened about the seat and meal for your older ds? It sounds like 4 of you were offered only 2 meals.

Space was made, it was actually dealt with well. He just sat with us.

OMG at ThePersuitofhappiness post at 22:52:
OP you posted last week asking whether people thought it was unreasonable that your teenage son hadnt been invited didn't you?? And you queried with hosts earlier and they had already said they didn't have space? So why did you bring him along knowing this?

YABVVVFU - to know the invitation status and then effectively USE your son to GATECRASH a wedding. You will be the talk of the wedding amongst your mutual friends and their family as being an exceptionally ignorant and stubborn guest who blighted the efforts of the hosts on their wedding day. APPALLING Expect to be excluded. Did you choose to look after their toddler to assuage your guilt?

I did not previously post about this!

I did not query! As said. Jesus!

Did your ds 1 get fed then? Is by any chance your ds 1 a step child to either you or dh? Not that that makes it ok, but I do find step kids are often 'forgetten' presumed they will be with the mother / father that weekend. You really should have checked but I can see why your annoyed. A kids meal would have been nice for your 17 month old, but often wedding venues refuse to do them so they end up costing about £50 per meal regardless of age / amount eaten. If that was the case I can see why they didn't provide for under 2s maybe, but under 5s seem a bit mean.

OP - you hosts were incredibly tolerant and gracious of your bad social behaviour - obviously trying the lessen the impact of rattling the cage of a proven ignorant, stubborn and irrational guest.

Oh wow I can't waitwait for the bride's AIBU post - "aibu to tell this rude cow that she had no right to cause problems at my wedding? First she showed up with her uninvited teenager and demanded he get to sit down and eat. My great aunt Ida had to squish on the corner of a table and share my great uncles dinner. They had to stop at McDonalds on the way home. Then she got snotty because she didn't like who she was on a table with her so she started rearranging all of the tables that we spent hours organising. It was complete chaos. This person isn't even a close friend of mine, just an acquaintance. To make it worse, she spent the whole reception on her mobile posting on an internet forum about how horrible my wedding is. Wibu to tell her to fuckright off and never speak to her again?"

Tell you something OP - if I hadn't invited someone to my wedding and they came anyway - I would be really annoyed. It's just bad manners.

They were being rude to miss one of your family off the invitation, but then you shouldn't have gone. To take your ds and expect him to be accommodated is very rude indeed.

Everyone in this story is so rude. They were rude to invite only one of your children (although if you're not close I'm starting to come down on the side of them being very polite and kind for inviting your toddler - do you know them from a group both your children are in?). you were incredibly rude to bring along an uninvited guest and expect them to be seated. They were incredibly rude not to provide food for young children. The guests were all very rude to ignore the seating plan.

The whole thing makes me cringe tbh.

Likes Midnite's post