To be miffed

[Mullinsamy]

We have attended a friends wedding today. Not best friends but close enough. The things that have annoyed me so far:

1. They left my teenage son off the invite, just me, DP and DS2. I thought this was just an oversight but there was no place for him at the sit down meal.
2. We were put on a table of what I can only describe as the table where nobody knew anyone else, at all. Like outcasts and away from our mutual friends.
3. No meal was provided for DS2 - he is a toddler and when I queried this, I was told that we were expected to just share ours.

I probably am being over sensitive, but I spent the ceremony outside, looking after their toddler as he wanted to scream through the ceremony. I am now outside again through the speeches.

Sorry but YABU, if you thought it was a typo, you should have checked.

I think you should have presumed your teenage son wasn't invited as he would require an adult meal and the toddler was only invited as he/ she is little. If it was a good friend of mine this would not have bothered me in the least, and if it wasn't a particularly close friend I wouldn't have expected to bring either child and wouldn't have. The seating thing, while not maybe a first choice, is probably down to the fact that they simply didn't have room to seat all friends together.

Wow

I have a fifteen year old foster son and a 1 year old and have been in this situation with several weddings and my response has been to not take any of my children. There is a also a massive difference between a toddler and a teenager. Fourteen years old isn't really a child anymore and he would require an adult meal at a wedding, probably at least £50. I kind of think it is unfair to impose that on your friends

I would have checked that DS1 was accidently missed off or not, and gone on from the reaction to that.

Just to be very clear, YANNBU to go with your son.

What kind of idiots expect a family to leave one of their children at home whilst the rest attend a wedding?

If it were me however, I wouldn't have went at all!

So what was the 14 year old meant to do all day, by himself?

scarlettsmummy2
Quite.

It is the sheer sense of entitlement of some posters. How dare they not invite my precious DC? And I shan't accept it - I'll take them anyway!

I would have assumed it was a mistake, but I do think that I would have checked first.

Completely unacceptable though. I would make my excuses and leave.

Whether they wanted toddlers there or not, you can't invite someone to a wedding and then not feed them - appalling!

OP you posted last week asking whether people thought it thought it was unreasonable that your teenage son hadnt been invited didn't you?? And you queried with them earlier an they had already said they didn't have space? So why did you bring him along knowing this?
Slightly rude of them to invite one DS not the other (although teenage children of family friends, not that close, not unusual) but completely unreasonable to turn up with him uninvited!

She should have checked, instead of rocking up with her uninvited son, and if it was a genuine mistake, it could have been sorted out ahead of time, and if he wasn't invited, then Mullinsamy could have decided whether to send him to a friend's for the day, get a babysitter or not go, if she didn't want to leave him home alone.

Why are some people not understanding that even if the bride and groom had made a mistake, it was STILL rude to turn up with an uninvited guest?

It isn't as simple as that- its a teenage boy, who most likely has limited interest in weddings, and a toddler. Let's take the emotion out of it and look at it with common sense. I can't really understand why anybody would want to bring their children to a wedding for anyone unless they themselves knew the couple well.

If that is true, Thepursuitofhappiness then it changes everything. If the OP had checked, had been told her ds wasn't invited and still took him along, then that would be extremely rude, and if I were the bride, I would be cutting her out of my circle of friends.

If it's a money thing, that people are leaving people's children off a wedding invite then just be bloody honest and say you can't afford to invite any of them!

The bride and groom sound like tossers!

Pinkflipflop For goodness sake! How many 14 year-olds want to go to a wedding of someone they're not close to anyway?
Just make other arrangements for them - friends, grandparents, aunts, whatever.

Or - politely refuse the invitation!

As I said before, attendance is not obligatory. You cannot (well, clearly, the OP did!) just take along uninvited guests to a wedding because you think there has been an oversight.

Height of rudeness!

This thread, for some reason, has me exasperated beyond measure. I cannot believe the entitlement and sheer bad manners of some people! Not everyone wants to see/pay for your children!

Live with it!

The only things I think the bride and groom did wrong was not provide meals for the younger children - never ever heard of that before. and the fact that they didn't arrange for someone to be responsible for their own child during the wedding.

So you didn't think it was a typo... you knew your eldest wasn't invited, yet took him anyway. It was wrong for them not to invite him, but YWBU taking him. Rude.

Thepursuitofhappiness: No, I did not post last week about this.

Why do people get so wound up about weddings? Serious question, who gives a flying fuck.

It is out of order to invite a toddler then not provide a meal for him and why not invite your teenage son?

Sorry OP, they can't be that close a friend to carry on like this. I never attend weddings for this reason, it's all a load os BS!

I'm wondering who put me in a bad mood tonight!

We had just that situation with our friends' wedding, Pinkflipflop - well, finances plus accomodation - if they had included all their friends' children, they wouldn't have been able to fit in the venue, and would have had to leave a lot of adults they wanted at the wedding off the list.

They explained this to us when they gave us the invitation, and we understood completely. I got a friend to look after the boys for us - they went for a sleepover at my friend's house - and we didn't stay to the end of the wedding so that we wouldn't be too late home so could pick them up early the next day.

What thepersuit has just posted changes things for me too!
If you knew he wasn't invited then then he shouldn't have gone. The bride and groom choose who should be there.

However.... If that was the case I wouldn't have bothered going.

It sounds to be like the bride and groom wanted to have the type of wedding that they really can't afford to have. I'm really embarrassed for them that they are inviting half families and not providing meals for them!

If you have to do this, have a smaller wedding!

When we were planning our wedding, we went for a village hall for the reception, with a buffet, for the very reason that it meant more of our friends could come, and where there were children, it was easy to welcome them too. But not everyone can do that, or wants to do a reception like that.

The bride and groom were rude for not inviting your son.

You were rude for turning up with him.

They were rude in not providing food for toddlers.

They did have a smaller wedding. Or at least, they tried to but people brought others who weren't invited!

Well, maybe it's different if its explained to you and consistently applied. But to invite one son and not the other is embarrassing and even more so not to provide food.