To either not to go the party or expect adults not to smoke around my toddler

[Lulututu]

I haven't been on in a while but I am hoping I can have some opinions as to whether I am expecting too much or been abit precious...

So my mum is hosting a baby shower for my sil....apparently it's going to be nice weather Sunday it may be held in the garden. Most of my family smoke as do sil's family and friends and I am quite fussy about smoking around my toddler. There's the obvious don't make around her indoors....but when its outdoors my mum thinks I am been fussy expecting people not to smoke around her 'as it evaporates after 10 seconds'.

So my mum has stated that she wants sil family to feel welcome so they will be allowed to smoke wherever they want outside in the small garden. I don't want my toddler running in and out of people's smoke and I can't expect her to sit still for 2-3 hours or sit indoors when all the action is outdoors so I am thinking about not taking her? Tbh I am so annoyed my mum is not bothered about my daughters health I am considering not going myself....

I asked my mum is she would have her guests smoke at the side of the house or similar in a designated smoking area...that way I don't have to worry about my toddler breathing in the smoke as i would make sure she didn't go play over there but this idea was laughed at as apparently I can't expect my lo to live in a bubble.

I just find it really awful that people would even want to smoke sat near a toddler anyway...no she isn't newborn but she still has developing lungs and its gives me a headache sat near passive smoke so I don't want her exposed to it even if it is outside. Of course I can't keep my child in a bubble but I just think family, especially GP's should be abit more understanding about me not wanting a family party to have smoking around children.

So AIBU to not take my little girl with me as even though its a 'family/child friendly' party I don't see nowt it is if everyone is puffing away around her and my mum won't consider a 'smoking area'. When I told my mum I was considering not taking my daughter she said 'well what do u think is more important, X mixing with her family or you been fussy about abit of smoke' my answer to that was that 'if my family are so bothered about seeing my daughter they will hold off on the ciggies or smoke away from her while she is at the party'

I am not anti-smoking...most of my friends smoke...they just know not to do it near children.

Opinions much appreciated as no matter how I try and explain the dangers of passive smoking in children to my mum she thinks I am ridiculous as long as its not blown in her face!

Thanks :-)

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

Lol heysoul, I've got a picture of the smokers herding around the garden like sheep trying to escape from a sheep dog

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Exactly soulsister it just doesn't happen.

[TokenGirl1]

YADNBU I hate smoking with a passion and you can still smell it a mile off outside if you're a non smoker. I wouldn't go at all and am surprised that your heavily pregnant SIL is OK with it.

[somebloke123]

There is no evidence that passive smoking is harmful.

There is evidence that you get a worse dose of potentially harmful particulates (+benzene derivatives etc) by walking along a central London street than by being driven along said street in a car with the windows closed and a chain smoker at the wheel.

raedwald.blogspot.co.uk/2011/03/risk-of-cigarette-smoke-in-cars.html

(It's only a blog post but does link to other studies.)

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

I don't think you are being unreasonable to not want your toddler exposed to second hand smoke, but I think it's a bit much to expect people to smoke in a designated area when they are already outside. If you feel so uncomfortable about it, your only option is to not go.

[WorraLiberty]

This is just getting really really REALLY stupid now ffs.

[HeySoulSister]

It's not even a kids party!!

Why are you taking her to something for adults?

[Chandon]

ehm, think you are being precious.

[MerryOnMerlot]

YABU.

Not your house = not your rules.

If a guest at MY house asked me not to smoke in MY garden I'd show them the door.

[NettoSuperstar]

I probably shouldn't be laughing at this thread, but I am.
PFB much?
I have visions of smokers running away from the toddler who keeps following them.

[OddBoots]

The actual question in the OP was "So AIBU to not take my little girl with me..." - YANBU to not take her anywhere you would be uncomfortable with her being.

[chansondumatin]

I hate smoking, and I see where you are coming from, but I think it's precious to want the party arrangements changed to suit you and your child. Sorry. The party's not about either of you. You're not the guests of honour. If it was your toddler's birthday or something then you'd have more of a case for asking your mum to change things.

The person who has most clout in this situation is your SIL - have you spoken to her about how she feels?

At the end of the day your toddler is your child and yours alone. It's your responsibility to keep her away from the smokers - not the smokers' responsibility to keep away from her. YANBU to keep her away from the party if you're that worried about it. I think I'd go alone if it were me. Much less stressful for all involved.

[sonlypuppyfat]

You can really tell who the smokers and non smokers are on this thread

[HeySoulSister]

I'm a non smoker... Never smoked.... But I absolutely think op ibu

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

I'm a bin smoker and op is bvu

[sonu678]

I'm a non smoker who has never smoked, and I think the op is being very pfb

[SoupDragon]

You can really tell who the smokers and non smokers are on this thread

Really? I rather suspect you might be wrong.

[FreudiansSlipper]

I am a non smoker who has never smoked op is being ridiculous

though her being so precious is quite amusing

[HeySoulSister]

You can really tell who are the people with common sense on this thread!

[Cravey]

Well I'm a non smoker never have been and still think op is bu

[SoupDragon]

Do you expect all car drivers to stop and switch off their engines when you and your toddler go by?

[TooMuchRain]

I'm a non-smoker and was bloody delighted about the indoor smoking ban but the OP says the children will be running around in a garden

[pianodoodle]

It's someone else's house so I wouldn't be asking them to make special arrangements for me. Besides that, it's outside so I think they're doing enough.

As Patsy says in AB FAB "You have to breathe in big lung bucketfuls for it to make any difference not tiny little wasp breaths"

[YoniMitchell]

While I agree with you that your DD shouldn't have to be exposed to smoke, I do think YABU to expect to be able to impose your rules on someone else in their own home (or garden).

Can you just not take your DD to the party (as in go without her)?

[Lulututu]

tbh I am happy not taking lo and her staying with her dad for the afternoon....it was my mum that was wanting me to take her. So I wanted to know if I was bu not taking lo. Think I may just say I fancy a relaxing afternoon not running after a toddler and she can have a fun afternoon with dad and I'll go on my own. I suggested the smoking area as a compromise as my mum wanted me to bring her and I wasn't keen. Obviously the smokers are not going to be running around the garden avoiding my ever moving toddler which is why I was wondering if I was by not taking her when everyone is expecting me to...

Even if I am precious ...which I am happy to accept.... I can't help hating her been in the presence of passive smoke and cringing when she is stood next to someone with a stream of smoke near her nostrils...I will probably be like this until she is old enough to make an informed choice herself. At 2 years old her lungs are still developing. I remember been a teenager and when family member smoked I knew to move away if I didn't like it...my toddler won't understand to do that yet.

I know there are other people in public that smoke but I can't do anything about that and if i was at the park i would probably just move away if it was that close. I also can't do anything about her breathing in fumes from roads ect...but I can choose whether to take her to functions with most the people there smoking...so I think I will decide not to take her... I fully understand it's not my house so not my rules...but my mum was expecting me to take her regardless of the smoking.

Thanks for all opinions