To either not to go the party or expect adults not to smoke around my toddler

[Lulututu]

I haven't been on in a while but I am hoping I can have some opinions as to whether I am expecting too much or been abit precious...

So my mum is hosting a baby shower for my sil....apparently it's going to be nice weather Sunday it may be held in the garden. Most of my family smoke as do sil's family and friends and I am quite fussy about smoking around my toddler. There's the obvious don't make around her indoors....but when its outdoors my mum thinks I am been fussy expecting people not to smoke around her 'as it evaporates after 10 seconds'.

So my mum has stated that she wants sil family to feel welcome so they will be allowed to smoke wherever they want outside in the small garden. I don't want my toddler running in and out of people's smoke and I can't expect her to sit still for 2-3 hours or sit indoors when all the action is outdoors so I am thinking about not taking her? Tbh I am so annoyed my mum is not bothered about my daughters health I am considering not going myself....

I asked my mum is she would have her guests smoke at the side of the house or similar in a designated smoking area...that way I don't have to worry about my toddler breathing in the smoke as i would make sure she didn't go play over there but this idea was laughed at as apparently I can't expect my lo to live in a bubble.

I just find it really awful that people would even want to smoke sat near a toddler anyway...no she isn't newborn but she still has developing lungs and its gives me a headache sat near passive smoke so I don't want her exposed to it even if it is outside. Of course I can't keep my child in a bubble but I just think family, especially GP's should be abit more understanding about me not wanting a family party to have smoking around children.

So AIBU to not take my little girl with me as even though its a 'family/child friendly' party I don't see nowt it is if everyone is puffing away around her and my mum won't consider a 'smoking area'. When I told my mum I was considering not taking my daughter she said 'well what do u think is more important, X mixing with her family or you been fussy about abit of smoke' my answer to that was that 'if my family are so bothered about seeing my daughter they will hold off on the ciggies or smoke away from her while she is at the party'

I am not anti-smoking...most of my friends smoke...they just know not to do it near children.

Opinions much appreciated as no matter how I try and explain the dangers of passive smoking in children to my mum she thinks I am ridiculous as long as its not blown in her face!

Thanks :-)

[onenutshortofasnickers]

op i have the same problem with my son who has asthma . I tell family that if they smoke they cannot smoke near him or go near him straight away and leave it about 20minutes as it sets his asthma off.

so what do they do smoke partly away- not really- and try and hold him so he has an asthma attack and inhalers come out

his asthma is because ke and his father had/have it we aren't smokers. (i used to be before dc.)

i can't expect them to move or anything because of ds as usually it is their house their rules but i expect people to be considerate to avoid ds having asthma attacks.

most people have common sense to smoke away from people at one side which is ok, but some dont.

yabu to expect your mum to change the rules for you. yabu not ti take her. (i make excuses now.) and i think your mum is bu for not realising the effects of passive smoking to anyone, pet alone children.

im not going to get into the debates of exhaust fumes and alcohol etc because that isn't what this thread is about!

just my personal vein, if it offends anyone then oh well.

sorry not much help op and typos as im on phone!! xx

[LittleDirewolfBitJoffrey]

I wouldn't go to a party where everyone was smoking, let alone take my kids.

Luckily for me the majority of my friends and relatives don't smoke so I don't have this problem.

[onenutshortofasnickers]

sorry for sodding typos- view not vein and the rest!

[FannyMcNally]

Me too netto! I can also imagine the toddler straying into the designated smoking area and the smokers screaming and trying to escape en masse over the wall.

[digerd]

If people are standing and smoking outdoors, a toddler, who is much shorter than an adult, would not get smoke puffed at their face, as smoke can only rise or be wafted sideways by the breeze. Smoke cannot waft/drift downwards. Unless a smoker crouches to the face level of the toddler and puffs directly at it.

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

You are being ridiculous.

[Blissx]

I still can't believe that the rights of a smoker overrule the rights of a toddler not to be forced to breathe in toxic smoke. YANBU OP. I truly sympathise and if I was in your family, I would back you up 100%.

[amazingmumof6]

smoking is foul. hate it.
people smoking near children makes my piss boil.

YADNBU!

[LizTerrine]

Yuck. YANBU.

[2712]

Smokers have already been ousted from the pubs. Do we ban them from gardens now?

[DoctorRobert]

YANBU. And I say that as a smoker who has a toddler.

I have never smoked anywhere near DD, and I never would. Would never smoke in the vicinity of anybody's child.

People should automatically want to smoke away from children, and a designated smoking area away from the main party is entirely reasonable.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

2712 - yeah, in the day, that's a good idea.

[Lulututu]

Blissx - my thoughts exactly

I knew the opinions would be split in here ...and tbh I think 'fair enough' not expecting my rules in other people's houses/ gardens ...ect

But u can't call that type of a family gathering 'child friendly' and expect me to be ok taking my toddler.

Also I always think why should my baby have to breath in harmful toxins just because the adults in her family smoke....smokers have a right to smoke but my lo has a right not to have to breath it in.

[5madthings]

I am a smoker and I think having an area of the garden for smokers is a reasonable idea, I keep away from children when I smoke and at parties have done exactly this, the smokers have gone to open area when they fancy a fag.

I guess it depends on the size to the garden, if its a little garden it won't make a difference but if its big enough that you can have a bit to one side with a table and some chairs etc then it seems sensible to do so.

[2712]

Oh FGS just tell your mum you won't be there due to too many inconsiderate smoking relatives.
Sorted.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

I love how smokers play the victims. The real victims are the poor kids who have to inhale their smoke. Smoking is a choice. One made by an adult. It should be carried out somewhere where it's not going to affect someone else. Adults can get up and move . Children have to stay where they are told.

[auntmargaret]

We never sit in beer gardens now cos since the smoking ban they have be taken over with smokers and you can't get away from it. OP, YANBU. I would never take my kids into a smoky atmosphere. And if that's precious, so be it.

[specialsubject]

I wouldn't go to a big gathering of stinky smokers, revolting.

it's ok if you can be upwind of them, as on foreign beaches with nice sea breezes. They do reek though.

[Ashoething]

YANBU op-I HATE smoking. Everyone in my family smokes/smoked. If I am ever near cigarette smoke it sets me off coughing violently. There is no need for you to go to the party so don't go.

[WorrySighWorrySigh]

YANBU to decide not to take your DD to this party.

I have a suspicion that in years to come we will see that smoking whether direct or passive is the hidden factor in the development of far more diseases than we realise today.

[catgirl1976]

YANBU IMO

I smoke (started again after nearly two years off ) and I would never smoke in front of a child

[MidniteScribbler]

Yuck, can't stand smoking and I think it's hilarious when smokers start going on about their "right" to inflict their habit on other people.

Don't take her, and tell your mother why. She may be able to do what she wants in her house, but thatdoesn't trump your right to keep your child from being subject to it. All you can do is keep your child away from it.

[lozster]

YANBU. And if you are then so is my employer who has recently extended the smoking ban to the entire (large and obviously open air) grounds of the site. And so are the hospitals that have done the same. And so are the OPs who frequently start topics on here about 'my neighbours smoke is coming into my house'.

Other people are envisioning Buckingham palace gardens with the odd smoker. I'm envisioning a small outdoor space, lots of fags on the go, with a thug of smoke around it that doesn't dissipate quickly. Smokers are deluded that it does just as they are deluded that they/ their clothes/ their homes/ their possessions and their own children don't stink. You have my sympathy.

[CalamityJ]

I don't think anyone's mentioned the bad example her whole family smoking in front of her is setting her. She's at an impressionable stage and watching a toddler mime smoking with a pencil is sad. So IMHO YANBU asking for a smoking area. If one is refused (which it seems to have been categorically without asking the other guests if they'd mind, ESP with a pregnant woman) then your next decision is to not bring her. Perhaps if people ask where she is you could tell the truth and find out if in future events they'd mind a smoking area so your DD can attend. But I do see your point about conceding your standpoint now will make it difficult to argue in future. If family want your DD there in future they know your terms. You're entitled to ask for whatever you like, the family don't have to do it but will know what will happen if they don't. FWIW any adult who thinks it's OK to smoke around children in a small albeit outside space is an ignoramus!