to not want neice to stay at ours

[ReflectingKites]

NC because this may identify me and I don't want RL people to read my previous posts.

Right, my neice is at some kind of summer school/camp thing in Leeds Monday to Friday next week. Her mum (DSISIL) is driving her up on Monday morning. She's due to pick her up on Friday but DSISIL is now saying that this will mean she has to take Friday off work and she can't do that (for some reason about not having enough hours and needing to take it as unpaid leave).

So, she suggested that we (that's me and DP, no kids) pick up my our neice on Friday, have her at ours on Friday night and then DSISIL will pick her up on Saturday afternoon.

So you know, we live about 30 miles from Leeds, we don't drive and we don't have children of our own. Neice is 7 years old.

I really don't want this to happen because a) I actually don't like my neice very much, b) I have no idea how to entertain a 7 yo child, and c) I don't want to have my Friday night and Saturday morning taken over my looking after this child. I don't mind DSISIL and her daughter coming over for a bit on Friday evening after she's picked up her daughter.

DP agrees with me but is of the opinion 'what can we do?' because he doesn't want to cause a row with his family. My perspective is that his sister is a selfish cow who continually dumps on people because she can't organise and sort out her own life. If we don't want to look after her daughter over night then we shouldn't feel forced to. If his parents and sister don't like it then fuck 'em. We never ask them to do anything for us that they don't want to and would never dream of it.

AIBU about this? I think I might be being a bit precious about my Friday night but I work fucking hard all week and I resent having part of my weekend stolen!!

Will try to update but my home internet is on the blink (no smartphone!) so it may have to wait until tomorrow.

[loveliesbleeding1]

Yanbu if you and your dp don't want to babysit you don't have to , I agree with some of the other posts on here it's not fair on dn to not have one of her parents pick her up when she has been away all week.if you dont drive then thats really not fair on you or dn to have to wait around for buses or trains when she will prob be exhausted from being away.

[Madamecastafiore]

It's an hour FGS. Take a book or listen to music.

I've lived in Leeds, public transport is quite good, not London but most certainly not like it is in the sticks!

One Friday night.

Seriously, am shocked someone thinks this is such a big deal???

I'd do it for a friend in the blink of an eye if they were stuck.

[mysteryfairy]

I'm dying to know where OP lives. 30 miles from Leeds and you could be in York or Sheffield or most of the way to Manchester - all of which would be an easy commute to Leeds on main train lines.

I'm also very curious as to how the seven year old is already on a summer school so far before the end of term. My DC go to an independent school and do break up next Friday well before the state schools in Leeds but there aren't many activities/childcare options available to book them in until a couple of weeks later still.

[messalina]

I am usually fairly heartless but I am quite surprised at your attitude. Your niece is 7 and whilst 7 year olds can be annoying to admit in writing, even anonymously, that you don't like her very much sounds just plain mean. She will go to bed early in any case so you can still have some of the evening to yourself. I agree that it may be tricky to reach her without a car but public transport isn't rocket science. In my family (and we are not an especially family orientated family) childless aunts and uncles on BOTH sides of the family would have OFFERED to do this sort of thing without being asked.

[zoraqueenofzeep]

She's very unreasonable to expect you to make a 60 mile round trip on public transport to save her having to take time from work. I wouldn't suffer that type of torturous journey without very good reason.

Also it's natural to find children the most boring/annoying things on the planet before you have any, you're entitled to enjoy your limited free time and not have it wasted minding someone elses kid. It's a good idea to put your foot down now and set some boundaries otherwise you could find your sil (and the rest of his family) feeling entitled to routinely arranging your weekends for you.

YADNBU, say no, keep saying no (broken record technique very effective for people who refuse to listen, google if necessary) and enjoy your weekend.

[BMW6]

YADNBU

I think the Mother of child has a huge cheek to ask you to do a 60 mile round trip on PT to collect her child.

As for you not liking the child - lots of children are not likeable, and many people don't like children in their lives.

I think it's a joke that some posters have called you up on this, yet the child's own mother, who hasn't seen their own child for a week, doesn't want to take one day off work to go get their own child

[SirChenjin]

I would do it - but perhaps you might not provide the kind of environment that a 7 year old would feel comfortable, safe, secure and happy in, so probably best for her that you don't. Do enjoy your weekend, and as you say, fuck 'em.

[babyhmummy01]

madame its not forced to be an hour, I live just under 30 miles from Sheffield and on public transport it would take me a good 2 hours to do that 30 mile trip.

The point remains that the child's mother can't be bothered to sort a day off work for HER OWN CHILD even though she must have known about this trip for weeks. It is completely unreasonable to expect someone else to do it when she herself can't be arsed

[Hissy]

I think it's way too much to ask someone. It's perfectly ok and acceptable to just say, No, we'd prefer not to.

You're under no obligation to do anything. If you don't want to, then say no. It's ok to do so.

Some kids ARE annoying, other people's kids can be AWFUL. When you don't have kids of your own, it'd be more daunting a prospect.

I love my DS, like most kids, but pre-DC, i'd never ever have agreed to this.

OP, yanbu!

[Hullygully]

haven't rtft but

sometimes you have to do things even tho you don't want to

[BMW6]

I would do it - but perhaps you might not provide the kind of environment that a 7 year old would feel comfortable, safe, secure and happy in, so probably best for her that you don't. Do enjoy your weekend, and as you say, fuck 'em.

Your judgy pants are around your neck FFS

[Ifancyashandy]

God, I would - and have - put myself out for friends kids. And I'm child free. And a non-driver. For example, I took buses to collect best mates kids from 2 different schools and then took them on another bus and the train to their new house on the day they moved house / town. And that was after helping the parents clean after the removal men in the morning. Then helped my friend unpack after I'd arrived with said kids.

it's what you do for friends / family. They supplied beer / wine / pizza, so quid pro quo!

[BlessedDespair]

Has anyone thought that this might be the first weekend that the op has had off in ages or that it might be the first weekend that both her and her dp have had off together in a while?

Pre dc and even after dc I wouldn't be jumping up and down to volunteer

Op you are far from BU and your SIL is beyond cheeky to even ask

[BellaVita]

I live in a village in York. Buses are very rare around these parts! And it takes 45 mins by car to Leeds, so lord only knows how long it would take with public transport.

Well actually I do know thinking about it because a couple of years ago DH had an accident in his car and had to rely on public transport. Most times it took 2 hours to get to work and then back again. Waiting for a village bus into York which takes a good 30 mins and then waiting for the train and then 30 mins on the train.

[Hissy]

Has SIL even offered to fund the transport OP will need to fork out for? Would that be more or less than her taking a day unpaid?

[PickledInAPearTree]

YANBU on the public transport front.

However this fuck em attitude is a bit mean.

[wongadotmom]

YANBU

Your DSISIL is BU to expect you and your dh to do this. If I had not seen my 7yo DD all week no way would I be trying to palm her off for yet another night on a childless couple.

She has the option of taking unpaid leave. That is what she should do!

[diddl]

Tbh, I think that this is what you do in an emergency-not because the mother doesn't want to take unpaid leave.

Where's the father in all this?

Pre children I think that I would have reacted pretty much the same as OP.

[AnneElliott]

I do not think you are BU. before we had DS we often looked after DN's but I think your SIL is taking the piss. She should have asked before the trip was booked.

[SirChenjin]

Yep, BMW6, they are - you are familiar with AIBU, I presume?

[Whocansay]

You are allowed to not want to do this for any reason whatsoever. It is not your responsibility. Your SIL sounds like a self centred arse. Just smile sweetly and say no.

It doesn't make you mean or selfish, btw. I suspect the people on here who are saying you are, also like taking the piss out of other people and are trying to justify their own behaviour.

[dietcokeandwine]

I just feel really sorry for that little girl, regardless of whether or not she's 'likeable'. Away for five nights and yet her mum can't possibly take time off to pick her up?

DS had his first residential trip away with school last year, aged 7. Two nights. An information letter was sent about it well in advance to parents, and I can vividly remember the 'Returning Home' section of this, highlighted in thick black font, that on their arrival back to school IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT THAT YOU ARE THERE ON TIME TO MEET YOUR CHILD. The clear message being that, after two nights away from home (first time ever for many if not most of them), what the children really, really needed was mum or dad, there, waiting, to meet them off that coach.

OP, you are not being unreasonable at all, given the logistical issues that would confront you (though I'll agree you do sound rather mean and graceless in the way you talk about your niece). But your SIL sounds a nasty, thoughtless and selfish excuse for a mother.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"we live about 30 miles from Leeds, we don't drive"
And because of this, the rest is irrelevant. How exactly does your SIL expect you to get to where your niece is? And how expensive is that going to be?

Even if you liked your niece, and didn't feel your SIL was a disorganised selfish cow, this is a major sticking point.

Personally I would just tell her that it can't be done, and she'll have to find an alternative arrangement. Oh, and as for "DP agrees with me but is of the opinion 'what can we do?'" - the answer is 'say no'.

[BridgetBidet]

Not wanting to look after a child because it's too far is one thing, or that you find the child handful to look after, you're too busy, it's to far to travel. That's not unreasonable at all. But for an adult to express such an active dislike to a child is really, really unpleasant.

I find it disturbing that there are so many mothers on here who think it's completely normal. Probably the reason we have schools with so many horrible little bullies who think that it's acceptable to be nasty to people and ostracize them purely because they 'don't like' them.

In all honesty when I hear anybody talking about having an active dislike of anybody it always makes me think this says far more about their own unpleasant personality than that of the person they profess not to like.

[sameoldIggi]

I wish I earned enough that the loss of a day's pay wouldn't affect me at all. If my brother could help me out I am sure he would ( but then he likes both me and my dcs!)
We need more info on the road-trip to understand, but I don't think the OP will be back.