to not want neice to stay at ours

[ReflectingKites]

NC because this may identify me and I don't want RL people to read my previous posts.

Right, my neice is at some kind of summer school/camp thing in Leeds Monday to Friday next week. Her mum (DSISIL) is driving her up on Monday morning. She's due to pick her up on Friday but DSISIL is now saying that this will mean she has to take Friday off work and she can't do that (for some reason about not having enough hours and needing to take it as unpaid leave).

So, she suggested that we (that's me and DP, no kids) pick up my our neice on Friday, have her at ours on Friday night and then DSISIL will pick her up on Saturday afternoon.

So you know, we live about 30 miles from Leeds, we don't drive and we don't have children of our own. Neice is 7 years old.

I really don't want this to happen because a) I actually don't like my neice very much, b) I have no idea how to entertain a 7 yo child, and c) I don't want to have my Friday night and Saturday morning taken over my looking after this child. I don't mind DSISIL and her daughter coming over for a bit on Friday evening after she's picked up her daughter.

DP agrees with me but is of the opinion 'what can we do?' because he doesn't want to cause a row with his family. My perspective is that his sister is a selfish cow who continually dumps on people because she can't organise and sort out her own life. If we don't want to look after her daughter over night then we shouldn't feel forced to. If his parents and sister don't like it then fuck 'em. We never ask them to do anything for us that they don't want to and would never dream of it.

AIBU about this? I think I might be being a bit precious about my Friday night but I work fucking hard all week and I resent having part of my weekend stolen!!

Will try to update but my home internet is on the blink (no smartphone!) so it may have to wait until tomorrow.

[AintNobodyHereButUsKittens]

Well assuming that the DSIL is a single parent, one person's annual leave won't cover very much of school holidays - it becomes a real juggling act. I think asking family to rally round is not unreasonable, though the travelling bit if this specific request is pushing her luck.

[PeriodMath]

I am stunned people think the OP should do this. Really? You all think its a reasonable request?

The mother CAN collect her child on the Fri, she just doesn't want to. How is that helping someone out of a tight spot? It's just enabling selfish, entitled behaviour.

[babyhmummy01]

I just dont get why op isn't mentioning her dp in all this
Maybe her dp wants his neice for a sleepover
Maybe he gets on well with her & wants to help his sister out
The op could always arrange for a girls weekend with friends if that's the case

Read the OP, her DP doesn't want to do it either

[FeeFoo]

It's probably best you say no. It will save the child's feelings and your own. Children are generally perceptive, she's much better off going home and avoiding the hullabaloo.

[expatinscotland]

YABU.

[digerd]

So when she booked this trip for her dd, she knew she would have to take time off work to collect her. Even asking you to collect her when she knows it is a 60 mile round trip on public transport for you is an astounding cheek. Then to keep her overnight as well, while she can do whatever she pleases, is being unreasonable .
You are NBU- she is.

[Ginderella]

If DSISIL cannot pick her DD up next Friday, she should cancel the trip. Problem solved.

YANBU.

[phantomnamechanger]

Is the childs father involved? What about the GPs? maybe they could collect her in place of her mum and take her home? Is there someone else who could drive up and stay with you on the thursday, collect her on the frinday and drive home - how far away is home anyway, if the mum is doing the dropping off/return all in one day?

This is not the same as a family medical emergency, in which case I am sure the OP would stump up and do the decent thing. This is a matter of it being deemed perfectly OK to ask something really cheeky and demanding that will inconvenience THEM, rather than inconvenience THE CHILDS MOTHER

How long has this course been booked/known about, and she's only sorting this major factor a week beforehand??

[phantomnamechanger]

Well assuming that the DSIL is a single parent, one person's annual leave won't cover very much of school holidays - it becomes a real juggling act

^ yes, that's true - so you don't go booking residential courses so far away that you need 2 whole days off work to get them there and back!

This is not the sort of "favour" one does a working parent who you live near, by having the DC a couple of times over the summer hols, this is a BIG thing to ask

OP- how often do you all usually see each other? does the child know you well?

[Veryunsure]

YANBU, it's not your child why should you be expected to take care of her because the mother prefers not to take 1 days unpaid leave?

Who's to say your niece will even want to be with you? stick to your guns.

[Geillis]

YANBU. Why is it not allowed to not like children? People are making too many assumptions here, maybe the OP has chosen not to have kids, maybe she and DP are older and not comfortable with a journey that far on public transport?

I have kids and I live them to bits but fully respect that others don't and would never inflict them on people including family that just aren't interested in them!

[Geillis]

Oh, and fwiw, she never said dn was unpleasant, just that she didn't particularly like her. Big deal, just because you're 7 doesn't automatically make you adorable to the wide world.

[phantomnamechanger]

OP you sound like a completely and utterly horrible Aunt

er, no, she sounds like someone who does not want to be taken for a mug and put to lots of trouble when there is another perfectly reasonable solution - the mother collects her own child

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

Refusing because you don't like your niece and resent having to sacrifice part of your weekend is selfish and mean. YABU.

Refusing because you don't drive, public transport is a bitch and it's a 60 mile round trip - perfectly reasonable. YANBU.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Its strange I would have thought that a mean, entitled, selfish person would be someone that booked their child on a residential trip and expected others to pick them up and look after them because they could be bothered.

but each to their own.

[AThingInYourLife]

YANBU

I note that the mother wants you to pick up the child and then look after her until the following afternoon.

So she won't exactly be breaking a sweat to pick her up.

[babyhmummy01]

Madame have you completely missed the 60 mile round trip on public transport

Just because the kid is her niece doesn't mean she is forced to like her, I have some incredibly close friends who I love dearly but quite frankly their kids are nightmares and I don't particularly like them either

[phantomnamechanger]

she won't exactly be breaking a sweat to pick her up.

^ yeah, AThing, if my 7yo was away from me for a week I would be desperate to get there to pick them up. I would want to be the one to meet them, to hear all their exicted news - not my DB and his GF

and if I could not do that i would not have booked the trip!

Whats that OP? You think you're coming down with norovirus? Poor you, go straight to bed and stay there till monday

[BABaracus]

OP, I can see where you are coming from and don't think it would be unreasonable to say no. However, please tell us why you don't like your niece!

[ThingummyBob]

Are you really 30miles from Leeds?

That would take in places like York, Rotherham and Rochdale probably further north than Ripon too... none of which I'd even consider asking for childcare in Leeds for, iyswim!

That's a big ask and not something that would be easy even with a car tbh.

Where are you? Where is your partners niece attending the camp?

I need to know details before I can truly judge if yabu or not

[lovelyredwine]

I don't think you are bu. Now that I've had a child I would not find the prospect of having my nieces and nephew over to stay a hideous one.

Prior to having our dd we did have our then 4/5/6 y old niece to stay a few times a year for a few years and it was HARD work. I will also add that she is lovely and I like her very much.

Before my niece was born, I do remember a good friend asking me to babysit his two kids (aged 3 and 6), including bath time and bedtime once. I said no as I found the idea terrifying and was clueless. He was pissed off and didn't get it. Now I would say yes without hesitation. Things change when you've got your own child (Saturdays and Sunday's no longer equal a lie in for a start!).

On another point- It is also a bit off to expect you to get her from that distance when you don't drive. She shouldn't have arranged the trip if she couldn't do pick up. Just say you've got plans that can't be rearranged if you don't want to cause bad feeling.