to not want neice to stay at ours

[ReflectingKites]

NC because this may identify me and I don't want RL people to read my previous posts.

Right, my neice is at some kind of summer school/camp thing in Leeds Monday to Friday next week. Her mum (DSISIL) is driving her up on Monday morning. She's due to pick her up on Friday but DSISIL is now saying that this will mean she has to take Friday off work and she can't do that (for some reason about not having enough hours and needing to take it as unpaid leave).

So, she suggested that we (that's me and DP, no kids) pick up my our neice on Friday, have her at ours on Friday night and then DSISIL will pick her up on Saturday afternoon.

So you know, we live about 30 miles from Leeds, we don't drive and we don't have children of our own. Neice is 7 years old.

I really don't want this to happen because a) I actually don't like my neice very much, b) I have no idea how to entertain a 7 yo child, and c) I don't want to have my Friday night and Saturday morning taken over my looking after this child. I don't mind DSISIL and her daughter coming over for a bit on Friday evening after she's picked up her daughter.

DP agrees with me but is of the opinion 'what can we do?' because he doesn't want to cause a row with his family. My perspective is that his sister is a selfish cow who continually dumps on people because she can't organise and sort out her own life. If we don't want to look after her daughter over night then we shouldn't feel forced to. If his parents and sister don't like it then fuck 'em. We never ask them to do anything for us that they don't want to and would never dream of it.

AIBU about this? I think I might be being a bit precious about my Friday night but I work fucking hard all week and I resent having part of my weekend stolen!!

Will try to update but my home internet is on the blink (no smartphone!) so it may have to wait until tomorrow.

[babyhmummy01]

singing having lived in leeds previously I agree the transport within the city centre are within approx. 5 mile radius is excellent - 30 miles out its pretty crappy tbh so its completely ok to assume the journey will be a nightmare.

I drive and I wouldn't do a 60 mile round trip on a Friday night to collect someone else's child unless it involved a medical emergency

[valiumredhead]

How is she expecting you to pick your niece up if you don't drive? Is PT easy where you are?

[BridgetBidet]

She's 7. I could have understood if the OP had described her as being difficult to look after or prone to tantrums or something describing why she was tough to look after. But simply to dismiss a 7 year old with 'I don't like her' is a) horrible, and b) completely immature and childish.

[mummytime]

7 sounds very young for this kind of thing. Is your SIL Scottish, because most schools haven't broken up yet?

I don't think YABU as you don't drive, if you did my view might be different, but getting through Leeds traffic on a Friday evening is a Pita.

Might your SIL have put you down as an emergency contact without asking? Just beware. Because I think you are far more likely to be phoned for a 7 year old.

[CaptainSweatPants]

It's up to your dp


If he wants to get her he can

You're not married so she's not your neice

[phantomnamechanger]

YANBU - she is being a rude so and so to even ask, TBH.

It's a long way, you dont drive, its after work on a Friday, you have your own lives/plans - all perfectly valid reasons.

is there no other option - are there not other DC from her school/group with her, so her mum could arrange a lift?

what would SIL be doing if you didn't live "only" 30 miles away??

she should NOT expect you to run around after her - her daughter, her responsibility to sort this

Oh, and it is OK to admit to not liking a child - the Op was not rude or calling the girl names, she just said she did not like her - we can't all like every child/person we encounter!

[nemno]

The SIL has only "suggested" this, it is not a demand AFAIK. She is not being unreasonable to ask and of course the OP's husband can tell her no. I don't get that the SIL is outrageous, lazy or any of the stuff posters are saying.

[SJisontheway]

Impossible to say unless you tell us what the commute is like. It could be an easy train ride, or much more complicated. If its complicated ask sil to pay for a taxi. That would be completely reasonable.
Entertaining would be easy. Pizza and DVD. I would do it without question.

[curlew]

"You're not married so she's not your neice"

Wow- I'll tell mine, shall I?

[RussiansOnTheSpree]

Singing Sands She lives 30 miles away. The links aren't that good.

[curlew]

Mind you, the "she's not your niece" comment chimes in nicely with the graceless, mean spirited tone of the thread.........

[MerryOnMerlot]

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy in your shoes. Having DN for a sleepover on Friday wouldn't bother me though - as others have said they go to bed pretty early and if she's been away at camp she'll be knackered.

60 mile round trip on public transport to pick up someone else's DC? Not a fucking chance.

OK so she can't take the whole day off. Depending on when they need to be picked up she might only need a half day and could possibly make up the hours at a later date? All a bit spurious if you ask me and sounds like she just can't be arsed. Oh, and has probably arranged a night out. In fact that might be main reason..... or am I just cynical?

[MerylStrop]

Asking your Dp to look after his niece for a sleepover, perfectly reasonable. oP you should brace yourself to do that sort of thing. And not be so precious about your weekend, I doubt you work harder than anyone else, especially not working parents.

Asking someone to do a 60 mile round trip for anything other than an emergency, not on

[teenagetantrums]

if you don't want to do it say no, if you didn't like your niece that's fine, I don't like my nieces and nephews, just because you are related does not mean you have to look after them, children can be annoying, it is up to their parents to provide care for them not the extended family.

[Burmillababe]

YADNBU!! I don't see why you should - her child, her responsibility - you have your own life to lead! Tbf, I wouldnt appreciate someone expecting me to do that

[jacks365]

I live about 30 miles from leeds and getting there on public transport would be a nightmare due to my location though I'll agree getting round leeds is easy. Assuming this was very central leeds then it would be a good 4 hour round trip for me. Any further out then it would take even longer

The SIL can take the day off but doesn't want to.

[Burmillababe]

And YANBU not liking her - a relative of mine has a DD the same age and she isnt an easy child to like....

[hugoagogo]

YANBU I would not ask this of my non driving, childless db, well at least not expecting a yes. It is well cheeky.

[sameoldIggi]

It's ok not to like a child. But no-one has asked the child if she likes you, I imagine? There's liking, and then there is family. You are unreasonable (and sound very immature) to care so much about one night, unless you have done many other favours for the sil.
The transport issue, however, is very different. Does the child live so far away that 30 miles seem a short distance, if you see what I mean?

[diddl]

I'd have her-because I'd feel so bloody sorry for her.

A week away, & the mum won't collect her until the next afternoon??

However, as a non driver, I'd be expecting someone else to pick her up & bring her to me.

No GPs or other Aunts/Uncles in the picture?

Really sad that the mum won't take unpaid leave-is money really that tight for her?

[Icelollycraving]

You sound pretty mean spirited. I hope her mum collects her. Not for your benefit but the thought of a seven year old who has been away from home for a week :(

[FasterStronger]

CaptainSweatPants You're not married so she's not your neice (sic.)

surely its down to them to decide their own family relationships? not you CSP?

[CaptainSweatPants]

Sorry I shouldn't have said the she's not your neice comment

Forgive me

I just dont get why op isn't mentioning her dp in all this
Maybe her dp wants his neice for a sleepover
Maybe he gets on well with her & wants to help his sister out
The op could always arrange for a girls weekend with friends if that's the case

[PeriodMath]

Yanbu.

Her parents made the plan for her attend a camp, they should have thought it through and not assumed someone else would put themselves out (how does she even think you will get there without a car?) to tie up the loose ends.

So what if she has to take a day off? Her child, her problem.

If it was an emergency I'd do it obviously bit not something that is (badly) planned in advance like this.

[dingit]

I haven't read the whole thread, but I was your sil, I wouldn't want my dd to stay with you. She's only 7! Don't be so unkind, she would probably love to stay with her aunt and uncle. And you never know, if you have DC, you may need a favour from sil one day.