to be worried DS is destined for social pariah-hood because he's a boy?

[stubbornstains]

DS is 3.5. In our village and the next one, at the childminder's, at playgroup and now at pre school, he has been and still is the only boy. I honestly thought this would never be a problem- I'm an ardent feminist, and had lovely visions of him enjoying creative ungendered play with lots of active little dungareed girls, which would set him up for life as a sensitive, aware male .

6 months ago he had a joint birthday party with one of his (female) little friends. Among the invitees was our closest neighbour with kids and her little girl. I welcomed the little girl's older brothers along too, because...well, it's a nice thing to do- the mum is a LP (like me), and it would be less hassle for her.

Fast forward 6 months, and once a week the little girl in question comes over to ours early in the morning, plays with DS and we take her to preschool (mum has something to do that morning). Occasionally DS is taken home and plays with them when I've got something on.

It's the little girl's birthday this weekend. They're having a "fairy party". DS is not invited. Apparently it's "girls only". Ironically, DS's favourite dressing up outfit at the moment is a fairy dress!

Is this what he (and I) have to look forward to all through pre school and primary school? Being constantly excluded from playdates and parties, and by extension a lot of social occasions, because he's not a girl?

I just feel like moving this morning, I really do. I also feel like telling this mum I'm no longer willing to take her daughter to pre school every week.

Surely it could be fairies and elves? Seems crazy to exclude him when they are a big part of each others lives.

Oh, I was going to say YABU but that is just horrible! (Not inviting your DS to the party.) What a horrible example for those parents to set.

Presumably you don't know whether it's the mum who insists the party was for girls only, or the little girl herself. My DD is, unfortunately, very girl-oriented at the moment (she's 4). I don't know where she gets it, I'm guessing other children at nursery, but she is absolutely insistent that girls like pink, fairies, and princesses, and don't like cars, trains or pirates - and that boys are the opposite. She does a lot of messy play, digging in dirt, climbing trees etc but nevertheless she insists there's a big divide and says things like "if a boy came to play I would put my fairy toys away as they're not for boys". Obviously when she says that I talk to her about not hurting peoples feelings and that boys and girls can like the same things, but she is persistent. I hope she grows out of it before too long. I can imagine she won't want to invite any boys to her birthday party, and I wouldn't particularly want to force her to have someone she didn't want to come. Incidentally she will play alongside boys, but rarely actually play with them.

Bit waffly but I'm trying to say it may not have been a deliberate exclusion on the mum's part, more going along with what her DD wanted for her party. Are there other children, girls or boys, who you could try to get to know better?

Thanks BarbarianMum and Mumsy, I wasn't assuming dd would necessarily be friends with the other girl, just that she would have to play with her or the boys. It's not really a case of wanting her to go to the school, it's the only school for a long way (rural area).

It's good to be aware, though, and good point about having friends in different years. The school has mixed classes for years 1 and 2, and years 3 and 4, so that's a real possibility.