please, I truly need to now if it's me being unreasonable here.

[mosp]

I have never posted on aibu before, and I am actually sweating a little here. However, I feel that I need to know whether this lady is right or wrong:

My dd1 goes to ballet on Tuesday evenings. We walk there (45 minutes each way) and when we arrive at the Methodist church where it is held, I feel the need to rest my aching feet (Tuesdays are busy physically for me).

The place where mums wait is the lobby of the church, and there are only about 5 chairs available. When I arrive, there is always one chair free. Well, at least, until today I thought it was free. It turns out that one of the mums wants to reserve it for her 4 or 5 year old son. She places a coat over the back of the chair every week. I hadn't really clocked this before (I'm not very quick at picking up cues) so I have just politely asked if she minded if I place the coat on the side so that I can sit. I honestly didn't realise that this might be a problem. (Now I think about it, she never looked very happy about moving the coat)

The boy is NEVER sitting in the chair when I arrive and he never shows any signs of wishing to sit down the whole time they are there. He's happily scampering around with his sister.

So, I was kind of taken aback today when she told me that the chair was actually where her son was sitting and would I please find somewhere else to sit next time. I didn't know what to say to that! I didn't realise at all. On reflection, I can't see why she needs to lay claim to the chair. Her son clearly doesn't want it and I don't want to have to sit on the floor or stand when there is a vacant chair.

Today, as if to prove her point, she beckoned her son to her and tried to sit him on her knee, telling him loudly that he hasn't got a chair any more. He didn't want to sit on her knee, and wriggled off to play again.

So, am I right in thinking she's being a bit bizarre? Or is it me? And next week, should I just sit on the floor? Bear in mind, I hate hate hate confrontation. I also hate having any attention drawn to myself, which would happen if I do sit on the floor, I feel.

Oh, I don't know. I know it is petty, but it has shaken me up a bit and made me doubt something that I had no idea was an issue...

"I can't argue with a bonkers lady. No logic can prevail when you're faced with a person like that."
So don't argue. Just look at her as if she's mad (which she is) and sit down. Don't engage with her at all. Get a book/newspaper out of your bag and ignore her (or do a good impersonation of ignoring while you inwardly feel faint with the stress of it all). Persevere!

You have to fake confidence at first. Sit down, even if you are blushing to your roots. It will pass.

Tell yourself over and over that you want to show your dd how to stand up for herself and you can do this.

We will be here for support and you'll feel fantastic afterwards. I guarantee it. :)

i would laugh at her and say "don't be so ridiculous". (then again, i have been known to remove towels from 'reserved' sunbeds on holiday if there has been nobody sitting on them for 2 hours and all the others are occupied, so i have form with chairs and rights thereto)

Loving the happy ending tales of similar situations on here!

OP you say that you hate confrontation. Might it help to think that any confrontation isn't yours it's batshit crazy woman's? And picture the legion of MNrs standing around you saying you deserve a nice sit down?

Alternatively next week arrive with biscuits, a cushion and a magazine for the boy. As you thought it only fair that he had a treat as he has to hang out at his sisters class? Sit him next to you, pay him loads of attention, feed him biscuits and ignore batshit crazy woman (bscw). If BSCW comments you can sweetly say "oh, I'm sorry, did you mean to be so rude? I felt bad that it seemed to upset you that I sit on a chair, which seemed silly, so I wanted to make it up to your son. As you can tell, I also asked for more chairs as it seemed to be causing an issue for you and you seemed unsure of how to approach the situation. As an adult, we have to teach our children so many things don't we? Respect being one of them. See you next week!"

Just print this thread out and leave it on the seat.

Woman at ballet: the internet thinks you are rude.

I have just got home. Can someone tell me why on earth a message has been deleted??? Surely the crazy chair lady hasn't discovered this thread????

Will now read the rest...

I think the other mums present might look at me askance if I started doing snow angels or throwing chairs around

They will look at her askance is she kicks off at you getting an empty seat and using it for yourself!!

We need to find out where ballet is and send a Mumsnetter round to sit in the chair and stand up to Bonkers Lady!!

Come on mosp.....grow a pair!!

So, I keep swaying between two options. Either I just sit there anyway and don't pay her any attention. Or I obey her demand.

I am a little scared that she might get violent (verbally or otherwise) so I'm veering towards the latter.

Actually, I told the story to a group of friends while I was out this evening (the "either he sits on your knee or I do" comment was received with much mirth!!) and one of my friends has agreed to come with me. We will see if we can search the building for another chair and she'll just be there for moral support in case the loopy lady speaks to me.
I know, I'm a wimp! :(

I will not let any of your comments go to waste though. They have amused me no end and on a serious note, I am currently having counselling (for something else entirely) but I think this crippling need to avoid conflict needs addressing, doesn't it?

Sorry for any typos. On my iPod.

Glad you've back up to take this batshit crazy woman on!

I'm fairly confident as a person but don't like conflict. Avoiding it is fine but that's different to not standing up for yourself against bullies. This woman is using the mere threat of possibly becoming violent to get her own way, in a church at a children's ballet class. Inappropriate and revolting. You have every right to sit down on empty chair. As would I if I arrived. She is the one who should feel embarrassed and ashamed. You have nothing to apologise for, nothing to prove to her and nothing to lose. Sounds like the other mums don't like her either.

What does your dd think about this btw?

Good luck next week, let us know how it goes.

Do you get really sweaty after the walk? Just trying to play devils advocate here

Sleep - no, not really. Not sure what you're getting at...

This woman purposefully moves the chair right up next to her chair to claim it. It was originally a couple of metres away (assuming you're implying that she doesn't want me to sit near her because I'm sweaty)

I'm generally ok walking there. I am used to it. I just prefer to rest my feet than not, given an option.

I'd be just as childish and say something like "You snooze, you lose"

Yes, this! We operate The Three Second Rule with regards to seating. Clearly she needs to be introduced to it

Love the raspberry bowing, the snow angel and Sarah's story made me LOL.

OP, you just have to do something. Many of us hate confrontation but you'll hate yourself more if you let this woman stamp all over you (I know - easier said than done).

Pick the chair up and move it away from her again.

I know it's scary to get involved in a confrontation, but it probably won't be as bad as you think and she is definitely in the wrong.

And once you've stuck up for yourself once, you'll feel better about doing it again.

Well, I had an email back from the ballet school. The principal let me know where I can obtain an extra chair, as long as it gets put back at the end. So that is fine.

She was apologetic on behalf of mad chair lady and offered to come and sort out any further trouble.

I replied with my thanks and asked if she would have a moment to pop to the lobby at 5pm to explain to those present that chairs are for adults. I hope she does do that; it will clear up the matter without me having to make a fool of myself.

Does anyone know what that deleted post was? I'm too curious!

mosp I get that you don't like confrontation, neither do I, but honestly, getting someone else to come and tell this idiot chairs are for adults is a bit extreme!

hopefully there's enough chairs now anyway, but yes,I do think you should bring this up in counselling.

no idea about deleted post.

good luck next week!

If she says "My son's sitting there" say "Wow, is he invisible or just really tiny?" then sit down anyway.
Then look at her with crazy eyes and say "Did I squash him?"

If she says "My son's sitting there" say "Wow, is he invisible or just really tiny?" then sit down anyway.

Oops how did that happen! sorry. Stupid pooter.

Hurray for the ballet school management! Hopefully the principal is a MNer...

I know you don't like the confrontation, but can you move her second chair away, sit down, put your iPod on with earphones and if she still complains then say "the spare chairs are xxx, if you get one you'll have to put it back". Sorry, but why should you, have to fossick for a chair when there's one free.

Do it to be strong for yourself and not let people take advantage. You never know- you might like it

Deleted post was mad chair lady obvs...

for you

Take some tea and biscuits too, like a true camper.