please, I truly need to now if it's me being unreasonable here.

[mosp]

I have never posted on aibu before, and I am actually sweating a little here. However, I feel that I need to know whether this lady is right or wrong:

My dd1 goes to ballet on Tuesday evenings. We walk there (45 minutes each way) and when we arrive at the Methodist church where it is held, I feel the need to rest my aching feet (Tuesdays are busy physically for me).

The place where mums wait is the lobby of the church, and there are only about 5 chairs available. When I arrive, there is always one chair free. Well, at least, until today I thought it was free. It turns out that one of the mums wants to reserve it for her 4 or 5 year old son. She places a coat over the back of the chair every week. I hadn't really clocked this before (I'm not very quick at picking up cues) so I have just politely asked if she minded if I place the coat on the side so that I can sit. I honestly didn't realise that this might be a problem. (Now I think about it, she never looked very happy about moving the coat)

The boy is NEVER sitting in the chair when I arrive and he never shows any signs of wishing to sit down the whole time they are there. He's happily scampering around with his sister.

So, I was kind of taken aback today when she told me that the chair was actually where her son was sitting and would I please find somewhere else to sit next time. I didn't know what to say to that! I didn't realise at all. On reflection, I can't see why she needs to lay claim to the chair. Her son clearly doesn't want it and I don't want to have to sit on the floor or stand when there is a vacant chair.

Today, as if to prove her point, she beckoned her son to her and tried to sit him on her knee, telling him loudly that he hasn't got a chair any more. He didn't want to sit on her knee, and wriggled off to play again.

So, am I right in thinking she's being a bit bizarre? Or is it me? And next week, should I just sit on the floor? Bear in mind, I hate hate hate confrontation. I also hate having any attention drawn to myself, which would happen if I do sit on the floor, I feel.

Oh, I don't know. I know it is petty, but it has shaken me up a bit and made me doubt something that I had no idea was an issue...

Oh, and thank you for the kind offers!!! Wow! Mumsnet at its best! I'm in East Midlands though.

If only I had another adult with me, I could be stronger about standing my ground.

The good thing is, she probably thought I was being stubborn about it. She would be surprised if she knew the angst she'd caused me!

I do like the ideas you're all suggesting. Just a shame I am so fearful of being looked at. I think the other mums present might look at me askance if I started doing snow angels or throwing chairs around

Dear oh lord does no-one possess any manners nowadays?

My children are teens. You bet your bottom dollar that they offer up their chairs willingly (or if not willingly, they get a serious talking to) to ANY adult.

OP, YANBU. Awful behaviour, just awful.

were they as good as these pins?
spotmebro.com/spotmebrotest/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/rene-campbell-3.jpg

oopswrongthread

Oh god...I am dying laughing at this thread! I keep having to stifle my giggles so I don't wake my boyfriend, if he wakes up I'm blaming you lot!

:o panda that would be superb :o

Now you've said your location, OP, I've had a horrible thought.... the little boy's name doesn't begin with B, does it? Because this is exactly the sort of entitled shit a friend of my sister's (in the East Mids) would pull...

Just to support what others have said - YANBU! I'm not confrontational usually either but this kind of thing would really get my goat.

Definitely continue to sit down. If you don't want to be confrontational, you could offer to get up if her ds actually wants to sit down (which he clearly doesn't despite her best efforts or she'd have ensured he was sitting at the start of the ballet) - whether you actually do or not is another question. Or you could take the bolshy approach. Either way, make sure you sit down!

Don't even engage with her, go straight in and sit in the chair.

Or

Give dd a toasted cheese sarnie to eat on the way and get there 1st. Borrow a 5 year old and do the same to her. But if your 5 year old is sitting in the seat when she arrives say politely '5 year old would you please sit in my lap as this lady would like to sit down' breathe and smile.

YANBU and this would have me dragging at least 4 other people with me early each week so she didn't even get a feckin chair!!!

You're nicer than me, I'd have just tossed the coat in her lap and sat down.

I cannot stand this new crap about kids having to sit down. I took my 80 year old aunt who uses a walking stick to the hairdresser after work one day (one of those walk in places) and there were only four seats in the waiting area. Three occupied by children aged 5-9ish. After mother pointedly ignored me for two minutes, I asked (politely) if my aunt could please sit down. Mother said "no, she'll have to stand. The children have been at school all day." Cue my school teacher mode kicking in. "Well yes, so have I, but I'm managing to stand on my fairly healthy legs. I think your children could share, sit on your lap, or stand, while an elderly lady sits, don't you think?" Entitled parent: "No, my children have as much rights as any adult, I won't have them thinking they are second class citizens to anyone else. You should have got here sooner."

The manager came over then and said, very sweetly "oh dear. If there's no place for you to sit, then you had better come through straight away and get your haircut. We can't have you standing there for too long can we?" Entitled mother splutters "But we were here first!" Manager: "I know, but since you're children are so tired from school, you'd better let them sit a bit longer until they feel better. Won't be long!" She was AWESOME!

Midnite that manager sounds fantastic.

Brilliant.

Midnite, that was a perfect conclusion to your chair incident! The stuff day dreams are made of!

Sadly, I already know what will happen next Tuesday.

Unless they put out more chairs, I'll not dare to sit :(

I have emailed them to request more chairs, but I have a feeling that she may put coats on all of them. She really does come across as that bonkers!

I can't argue with a bonkers lady. No logic can prevail when you're faced with a person like that. So I'll just keep the peace :(

Oh, lovecat - I didn't catch the boys name. But the mum does have facial piercings and dark curly hair. Does that match the description of your sister's friend?

Midnite, that story is brilliant, although sadly I expect the women in question took only a feeling of aggreivement from it!

msop please take the chair. I wish I could come with you for moral support, can knowing you have the virtual backing of A LOT of people help you to overcome your fear of standing out?

Op - if you really don't think you can confront her or ignore her and sit there anyway, your only option is to get there first. Fabricate a dentist appointment, get your child out of school half an hour early, get down there with pre-packed snacks, sit and wait. and smirk. oh, and put your coat on her chair, with a whoopee cushion underneath it.

No facial piercings, mosp, so there must be two of them!

My one is very protective of her children getting their 'share' of things & watchful to see if they're somehow missing out on something she thinks they ought to have, whether entitled to it or not! She rocked up to DNiece's birthday party with child B in tow (her elder daughter was invited to the party) and got in a right PA strop because there wasn't a party bag for the boy (who was not invited)... 'NO, B, there isn't a party bag for you, I KNOW it's upsetting, they SHOULD have spares, maybe someone else won't want theirs and you can have that one' - all the while glaring at me who was cutting up the cake for the bags in the kitchen... and then proceeded to take slices for her son, herself and her husband! (there was enough cake, it was just the front of it!)

OP you have to sit down.

Bonkers lady will just have to get over it.

Or you will look bonkers standing up when there's an empty chair.

I love that manager midnite!

I know!! I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!!

I hate that she's putting me in this awkward quandary!

Wish I could arm myself with some support :(

This thread is really funny in parts, but I also am quite upset about the whole thing! I cannot cope with confrontation :(

Tell us about the people on the other three chairs

I am betting that if you stand up for yourself you will get a round of applause!

I doubt it :(
Yesterday they just kept their heads down as crazy lady was so rude! They did not make any eye contact at all. That's partly why I needed to ask you lot about it. I was seriously doubting myself!

I'd be just as childish and say something like "You snooze, you lose"

Why is she more important than you? She is not.

You both pay the same for the class.

Stick up for yourself. She is wrong, not you. Do not be made to feel shit.

I used to be the shyest person ever. Would blush if anyone other than immediate family/close friends spoke to me. People walked all over me.

I am now very very confident. I am not sure how it changed, but it did. I will speak to random strangers about anything, I stopped a woman in the street today to tell her I really liked her hair - i mean wtf? People describe me as bubbly. I used to dream of being described as bubbly!

Do it. Go on :) And MN on your phone and tell us. Life is too short to be made to feel like shit - she only does it because she gets away with it.

Take your ipod along and play 'Sit Down' by James on loop to give you strength. Sing along tunelessly if you really want to do her head in....

"Don't be ridiculous. I need the chair; he doesn't. I'm going to sit down."

No need to engage further. Practise saying it (or something similar) until it feels ok.