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To find people who like making a three act tragedy out of everything v annoying

163 replies

arabesque · 24/06/2013 13:38

One of my colleagues does this and she's getting on people's nerves. Last week her American cousin's husband died suddenly. Very tragic, obviously but my colleague barely knows her cousin and had only met the husband a couple of times. However, on Friday she wouldn't come to another colleague's retirement drinks because 'given her family bereavement it wouldn't really be appropriate and she didn't want to put a dampener on things'. I mean, FFS. Two colleagues have lost their fathers in recent months and she's making more of a fuss than they did.

Last year her mother had her credit card skimmed and this colleague went on as if the woman had been mugged at knife point, talking about how 'shaken up' the whole family were and 'you never really think it will happen to someone you know, do you'.

She took a day off work when her sister was having her appendics out (op in morning, home that afternoon) because she'd only be 'worrying and no use to anyone'.

AIBU to wonder how she will ever cope if she has something serious to cope with and also to feel that there are people in work with real worries and traumas and she should get over herself and stop being such a drama queen?

OP posts:
EugenesAxe · 25/06/2013 11:29

Fellatio Grin. Your testimony made me laugh; someone like me.

Oh no! I've brought the subject back to me!

Well, I think everyone likes relating things to their own life, and can have a tendency to respond to a story or news with something similar that's happened to them, but I agree there are some that just seem to take it to the next level. Also in some circumstances you'd just know to shut up (unless you genuinely think you could help) - bereavements, serious illness etc.

My best friend and I have a mutual acquaintance that's like this and BF is saying the onesidedness is becoming too much for her... which is saying something as she's godmother to one of the children.

Leos. They often seem to be Leos.

YouTheCat · 25/06/2013 11:35

My ex mil

Whenever anyone was in hospital she'd never visit them (even family) because she doesn't like hospitals. Then when people die she goes to the funeral, all teary, and makes a huge fuss, even for people she hardly knew.

When my mum died very suddenly, I got her in tears telling me 'I'll be your mother now' Hmm This was literally an hour after I found out. I was still in shock.

MonkeyGoneToHeaven · 25/06/2013 12:04

YouTheCat my MIL was in hospital terminally ill for 18 months and her 'best friend' never visited her once because it was 'too upsetting'. Poor MIL, before she lost the ability to speak, used to ask when her friend was coming to see her.

After MIL died we were subjected to huge amounts of fuss and drama and woe-is-me. Unbelieveable.

YouTheCat · 25/06/2013 12:08

Yep, exactly that.

Ex mil will also be best buddies with someone and the minute they get ill (she is old so her friends are also old) she will drop them like a hot brick and move on to the next poor sod.

EldritchCleavage · 25/06/2013 12:24

What is the hive-think that appoints some people to bouquet-receiving status?

Oh curry I wonder that too. No drama llamas at work, fortunately (not any more, but the one we had was a humdinger. Flew off the handle and stormed out of meetings while we all sniggered).

My sister is a good drama llama wrangler. Barks practical questions aimed at finding a solution to the drama until they completely give up.

ArbitraryUsername · 25/06/2013 12:24

My mother is turning in to one of these nightmares (I suspect it's my stepfather's influence, as he is both a malingering and a vampiric drama llama). She keeps phoning me up to tell me about the tragic life events of people I don't even know. At first I used to get worried when the phone call started 'I've got some bad news' but now I really don't expect it to be in any way relevant to me.

Even better than this she somehow manages to bask in the drama herself while still expressing judgement about those actually affected. For example, her friend's son has some kind of cancer so she can talk about he awful it all is while still making references to his lifestyle. Hmm

I just tune it out now.

becscertainstar · 25/06/2013 12:32

My DM is developing more of these tendencies as she gets older. It's made worse by her false belief in her own psychic powers. She sometimes phones me with: 'Becstar, something terrible is about to happen to you! I just got this feeling, and I'm so upset! It's awful, I can barely breathe.' "Right Mum, any specifics or just the usual nameless dread?" 'No, it's something awful though. I can tell. I'm very psychic you know. I'm going to have to lie down, I'm so upset about it." and then DF has to make her tea in bed. So she gets sympathy for something awful that hasn't even happened and was going to happen to someone else anyway.
Ooh, it felt good to get that one off my chest. Drives me properly nuts...

MrsDeVere · 25/06/2013 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EldritchCleavage · 25/06/2013 12:38

'The usual nameless dread' would be a fantastic user name!

MonstrousPippin · 25/06/2013 12:38


I have an ex-friend (she just got too much to deal with) who's sister sadly suffered a miscarriage and obviously my ex-friend was devastated at this fact and was very sad. This in itself is obviously a sad occasion and she got some sympathy for her family's loss.

However, every year since, the 'anniversary' of the miscarriage has been some sort of occasion of woe for my ex-friend (note, the miscarriage was her sister's!). We've had such things as "don't you know what day it is?" and her not being able to go places or do stuff because she is totally devastated about the death of her sister's baby.

Meanwhile, her sister has actually gone on to have a healthy child (who must be about 3 by now) and is getting on with her life. Un-fucking-believable.

Arabesque · 25/06/2013 12:48

Thanks for all the responses. Glad I'm far from the only one who finds this behaviour irritating.

My drama llama colleague has been looking sadly out of the window for half the morning. The reason being her mother has been told she has cataracts and will need to have them treated in a couple of months!!

OP posts:
LauraShigihara · 25/06/2013 12:52

I had a close friend who fits this category. Every high profile disease would become hers. She had cancer (never treated), MS (never treated and mysteriously vanished), a brain tumour (ditto)

She would also pretend her small daughter had been diagnosed with things. In fact we bonded over discussions about a life threatening congenital problem that my child had two operations to correct. Whereas her daughter's went away all by itself and was never mentioned again.

She once claimed her NT three year old had Down Syndrome and spent the afternoon having hugs and sympathy from her friends while I sat back and watched in horror. The newly revealed DS was mentioned again...

My fave, and the one that really showed me how messed up she was, was when I had an incoherent, sobbing phone call from her asking me to come at once.

Her auntie had died after a short term illness. The family had, she told me between sobs, kept it from her because because they knew how badly she would take it. I felt terrible for her because she was very close to her aunt and, indeed, I had had coffee with the woman a couple of days before so was quite shocked myself. So I made tea, cleaned the house, walked the dog, picked up the kids.

The tears went on all day but little details began to niggle at me so I eventually, after a whole blinking day running around. carefully asked her if we were talking about Auntie X. Oh no, she said, it was Auntie Y.

I didn't know you had an Auntie Y, I said. That's because I haven't seen her since I was six, she replied. And now I never will, wail wail...

We aren't friends any more but her FB page always gives me a chuckle Wink

And, as someone said earlier, she was very proud of being a Leo. So make of that what you will.

curryeater · 25/06/2013 13:55

I am rubbish at challenging people like this.

I had a friend who lived with her mother when we were friends at school, her dad was not on the scene and she told me a variety of lurid tales about him.

As adults she told me once in a "DUR DUR DURRRRRR" way with much build-up that she had heard he had died. I gave her a ton of sympathy as I thought it must be a head fuck to hear your estranged dad had died.

we didn't see each other for a while.

Next time I saw her she built up to the evening with a lot of stuff that made it very clear that the night was to be all about discussing her big drama. On the night, once again she was all "DUR DUR DURRRRR" and the big reveal was..... her dad had been trying to contact her!

I didn't know what to do. I somehow didn't dare to say "so, not the dead dad? some other dad?" It sort of made me feel weird and frozen.

Now I never know where I am with her because every time she says "I had a sandwich for lunch" I think "HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?"

becscertainstar · 25/06/2013 14:05

Grin curryeater brilliant!

TheRealFellatio · 25/06/2013 14:13

I have had a few friends pull tricks like that curry. I must admit I do go for the slightly more passive aggressive 'so, no the dead dad? some other dad?' with a carefully cultivated facial expression which is just the right amount of quizzical/confused but nonchalant and casual, without a hint of cynicism or exasperation. Grin

The thing is, these people are so thick skinned and self-absorbed that even if you did a full on Hmm at them they wouldn't notice.

FruminousBandersnatch · 25/06/2013 15:23

curryeater that reminds me of a friend of mine who lived with a DL for a while.

My friend's grandmother, who she was really close to, died and my friend was very upset. DL flatmate sulked at the sympathy my friend got.

The following weekend, DL went into friend's room in tears and told her her grandmother had died. My friend comforted her, made her some lunch, talked with her etc.

The next day when DL had calmed down friend said "so ... will you be going to see your family then? When's the funeral?"

DL awkwardly said "oh, well I spoke to my dad, and it turns out she's not dead. She's sick, but she should be okay."


TheRealFellatio · 25/06/2013 15:33

Oh my god. Confused Weirdo.

Pollydon · 25/06/2013 15:51

Hmmm, my IL's refused to visit me iin hospital when I was in for 5 days with salmonella.
The reason ? Step mil was too worried about her sis who was waiting for a Cataract op.
Ds was 6, dd was 2, dh was working full time & doing all housework\shopping\cooking*every hosp visit.
Dmum was Ddads carer & did what she could.
Ils turn up the day after I'm discharged & sit there waiting to be served. Scales fell from dh's eyes !

FoundAChopinLizt · 25/06/2013 16:19

Some of these people are like real life trolls, making stuff up for attention.

It puts me off ever mentioning things that happen to me. Partly because people like this feed on the bad stuff, or it makes me one of them, or if it's good stuff in my life, I'd be boasting.

Consequently my drama llama friend thinks my life is perfect because nothing ever happens to me.

MrsDeVere · 25/06/2013 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

digerd · 25/06/2013 17:37

I think the reason people fall for the drama llama's lies embellishments, is that the DLs are skilled conwomen/actresses. The sympathisers are sometimes genuine kind hearted people and others revel in the drama.

I have known only the subtle , skilled manipulative DLs and the latest was just recently and is a 69 year-old married MAN who revealed himself as a real patheticdrama queen. I thought for years he was a really nice chatty manHmm

YouTheCat · 25/06/2013 17:51

I have met many, and varied, Drama Llamas over the years. Some of them were quite malicious. Some were just worthy of ridicule. Some of these people were friends for a while.

I just won't tolerate this kind of shit any more. I like having no DLs Grin

GoEasyPudding · 25/06/2013 18:13

It's an odd phenomenon that's for sure.

My family were going through a very tough time indeed with my adult brother and his SN. There was a set of very complicated and upsetting situations and events to deal with. I kept it to myself at work until a friend asked directly. I told her some things that were very difficult to talk about, but kept it brief and didn't get upset. She said something like, "Well, my friends, have some friends and their toddler died and that's really sad isn't it?"
I was like eh? Yes, a toddler you don't know sadly passing away does indeed trump my current worry and concerns - you win. Didn't say this of course.

My MIL, again on the same subject of the problems my brother was facing regaled me with a long, never ending story about someone she knew, who knew someone, who knew someone who had something similar but they were ok really.

Jolly good. All is well with the world then! I tend to keep stuff to myself now.

Pollydon · 25/06/2013 18:24

The thing is that when faced with a real problem the drama llama's can't cope, because real problems are shit Sad

margarethamilton · 25/06/2013 18:29

My usually quite normal MIL is turning into a DL. But has a specific 'thing' for cancer.

For example, if someone she knows has been to the doctor with any ailment (headache, sore foot, stomach problem, lump or bump) you always get the same comment: "Well they're trying to rule out cancer".

Me: "Have they said it could be cancer then?"

MIL: "No but they're trying to rule it out ".

She'll then spend ages telling us how worried she is about X because if their 'cancer scare'. If people knew she was talking like this!

Worst was when FIL had a well man check up and was phoned back to go in and have a further test. We had MIL on the phone crying that he had cancer. He just needed a rectal exam and they'd not done it first time round!

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